Forty Days to Bespin
by Leela Starsky
Summary: They survived Hoth and the asteroid field, but can Han and Leia survive the next 40 days travelling sub-light to Bespin?
1. Chapter 1

**Forty Days to Bespin** by Leela Starsky

After many, many requests over the last 15yrs, I have decided to upload this story here.

I wrote it soon after stepping into the world of the Internet in 1999, and discovering that I was not alone in my fanfic writing or Han/Leia obsession. It was first published in Carolyn Golledge's fanzine Bloodstripe #4 in 2004.

 _NOTE: In my version of this galaxy far, far away, the Galactic Standard Year consists of 10 calendar months, each containing 40 days, or four 10-day weeks. A Galactic Standard Day consists of 20 fifty-minute hours. But this is usually deferred in preference to local time._

Inspirational music: "The Empire Strikes Back" soundtrack by John Williams, "The Mummy" soundtrack by Jerry Goldsmith, "Dinosaur" soundtrack by James Newton Howard, "Book of Secrets" by Loreena McKennitt, and "Touch" by Sarah McLachlan.

 **FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

The Imperial fleet vanished into hyperspace, away from the Hoth system and its accursed asteroids, taking the stowaway _Millennium Falcon_ and her crew with it. A short hop back into normal space to dump their garbage, and then they were away in earnest – leaving the _Falcon_ and her crew to float away with the rest of the garbage.

Leia Organa was impressed in spite of herself. "Not bad, Hotshot," she admitted reluctantly. "Not bad. Now what?"

Han Solo moved his hands across the control panel, restoring power to the ship's systems. "Now we find out where we are and hope we can find somewhere safe to land."

The monitor in front of him came to life, throwing a blue glow over his face, and he watched it, waiting for the navicomputer to figure out where they were. They both glanced up as a piece of Imperial garbage floated past outside, then the navicomputer _blipped_ and they focused on the small screen once more.

"Where are we?" Leia asked, leaning over his shoulder to get a better look at the screen.

"Here," Solo said, pointing. "Near the Anoat system."

Leia frowned vaguely. "The Anoat system... There's not much there."

"I have a feeling – " Solo began, then punched in a code. "Let me check my logs."

"You keep logs?" Leia was more impressed by the minute. "My, how organised," she teased.

Solo started to scowl at her but the information he was looking for came up on the screen and his entire expression changed to one of reluctant anticipation. "Lando." He eyed the screen thoughtfully. "Now, this could be interesting."

"Lando system?" Leia frowned, trying to place it.

Solo chuckled. "Lando's not a system; he's a man. Lando Calrissian. Gambler, con-artist, scoundrel." He threw her a teasing glance. "You'd like him."

"Thanks," Leia muttered self-consciously.

"Bespin," Solo continued, reading from the screen. "It's pretty far, but I think we can make it."

Leia was reading the data herself. "A mining colony?"

"Tibanna gas mine," Solo clarified. "Lando won it in a sabaac match, or so he claims. Lando and I go _way_ back."

She heard the uncertainty in his voice. Looking straight at him, she asked, "Can you trust him?"

"No," Solo admitted. "But he has no love for the Empire." Another piece of debris floated past, and Solo came to a decision. He leaned over the comm and told the Wookiee at the other end, "Starting the engines, Chewie."

A muffled growl came back in response, and the _Falcon_ hummed back to life. Solo set the coordinates and the ion engines ignited, propelling the small freighter toward Bespin.

 _Safe at last_ , Solo thought. He leaned back in his seat and regarded the princess smugly.

Leia shook her head and admitted softly, "You do have your moments."

Solo's grin broadened, and she qualified, "Not many, but you do have them."

He felt her lips touch his temple, taking the sting out of her words, and he smiled as she moved over to sit in the co-pilot's chair beside him, heartened by the slow but steady thawing of his ice-princess. Then she asked quietly, "How long will it take to get there?"

Solo got an Estimated Time of Arrival from the computer and stared at it for a long moment. There was no easy way to tell her.

"Forty-one days," he said, expecting her to lash out, to vent her frustration on him and his ship. He did not expect silence, and looked across at her. She was obviously upset, but it wasn't a simmering, anger-filled silence. There was resignation in the set of her jaw. Her silence, her acceptance, left him feeling far guiltier than any of her past tirades.

"We might do it in thirty if I push the engines," he said. "But – "

"I'd rather get there in four weeks than not at all," she said, not taking her eyes off the distant vista of stars. "What about our supplies? Will we have enough food?"

Solo smiled grimly to himself, remembering how furious he had been with Chewbacca for overstocking the galley while they were preparing to leave Hoth. He'd felt guilty enough about leaving, but taking more than he and Chewie needed from the Rebels' already meagre food stores had seemed greedy despite Chewie's protests. Now, it seemed, Chewie's obsession with food would save their lives.

"Yeah," he muttered. "There's enough food."

"Good."

An awkward silence descended and it occurred to Solo that all of Leia's personal effects would have flown with her transport. He sighed regretfully.

"I'm sorry, Leia. I – "

"I know, Han." Her eyes slid toward him but did not rise above the level of the deck. She took a deep breath then climbed out of the co-pilot's seat, pausing briefly beside him, her hand on the back of his chair, and repeated, "I know." Then she left the cockpit.

Solo watched her go, and then took up where she'd left off, staring impotently at the stars and wondering what they were going to do for the next four weeks. Oh, he could fantasize plenty of scenarios, especially where Leia was concerned. He'd become a master of that over the past year. But reality was something else entirely.

Reality was Jabba the Hutt, and the bounty hunters tripping over each other for a piece of the price on his Corellian head. That bounty had almost cost Leia her life on Ord Mantell. Risking his own life was one thing; risking Leia's was out of the question.

Their kiss in the circuitry bay came back to haunt him, and he wiped a hand across his face. _Solo, your timing_ _ **stinks**_ , he admonished himself.

See-Threepio and Chewbacca both looked up from their work when Leia stepped into the main hold. Embarrassed, she kept moving without having any idea where she was going. There weren't a lot of options on a freighter the size of the _Falcon_. Leia considered continuing on to the galley to get herself a drink, but stopped at the bunkroom.

Once inside, she shut the door, leaned against it, and allowed herself the luxury of a mental wail. _Four weeks_!

She sighed and surveyed the cabin. It hadn't changed since her last trip on the _Falcon_ just over two weeks ago. The small medical bunk was still dusty in the same places, the spare bunk was still packed full of miscellaneous equipment, and Solo's bunk was still wearing the same ghastly sheets. Leia had made the mistake of commenting on their bilious mixture of chartreuse and purple colouring during her first– no, her _second_ mission with the Corellian and his first mate, and ever since Solo had made sure they were on his bunk whenever she travelled with them.

Leia tried to see the humour of Solo's dedication to the running joke, but this time the sheets infuriated her. _Four weeks_. And she had _nothing_. No clothes, no toiletries, no personal – an unpleasant thought struck her and she rolled her eyes. She had two, maybe three days before her cycle began. How the hell was she going to deal with _that_ here?

Moving away from the door, she sat on the edge of Han's bunk and tried to get her thoughts into some sort of order. The fact of the matter was she would have to deal with it. All of it. Even Han.

Her fingers fluttered across her lips as the memory of their kiss in the circuitry bay flooded through her, and she closed her eyes to relish it for a moment. No one. No one had made her feel like that. _Ever_.

But this self-indulgent daydreaming wasn't getting her anywhere. Leia took a deep breath and opened her eyes. And found them immediately assaulted by Solo's sheets.

In a fit of perverse vengeance, she stripped them from the bunk and tore each of them in half, making sure they could never be used again. She was surprised by the deep sense of satisfaction she got from the action. Then a truly delightful thought occurred to her, and she smiled wickedly.

The airlock alarm brought Solo and the Wookiee running. They arrived just in time to see her reset the hatch.

"What the hell did you _do_?" Solo demanded hotly.

The Princess drew herself up to her full one hundred and fifty-five centimetres and looked defiantly down her nose at him.

"What the hell did you _**do**_?" he couldn't quite hide the hysterical edge to his voice as he checked vainly inside the now empty airlock.

"I spaced the sheets," Leia finally answered.

" _What_?"

"The sheets," she repeated. "They had to go."

A strange sort of squawk snuck out of Chewie's mouth as he realised what the princess had done.

Solo glared at him briefly, then turned back to the small woman in front of him. "Sheets?" he asked, and then understanding washed over him. " _My_ sheets?"

Chewbacca gave up trying not to laugh, filling the small space with hacking, honking barks.

" _Those_ sheets," Leia assured Solo, retreating towards the main hold for the sake of her ears.

Solo shared an amused glance with the Wookiee then hurried after her. "I _liked_ those sheets!" he said hotly.

Leia turned and regarded him tolerantly. "No you didn't, Han. You just kept them because you knew I hated them." Solo was struggling to maintain his indignant outrage. "And for us to survive the next four weeks together, the sheets had to go."

Solo's scowl cracked along with his resolve, and he ducked his head as a smile spread across his face.

It was infectious. Leia fought a battle with her own face and lost, but insisted through her smile, "They were _evil_ sheets!"

"Mm," Solo agreed, sarcastically. "Pure Sith. But," he added, putting an arm around her shoulders, "you _will_ have to be punished." Leia pulled away from him a little and regarded him through narrowed eyes. "You're going to have to remake the bunk," Solo pronounced.

Leia smiled. "I did."

He was taken aback. "What?"

"I did."

Solo let her go, and walked to the bunkroom, aware she was following.

"You _cleaned_ ," he said, surveying the small cabin suspiciously.

"I did." She sounded apologetic.

He looked at her. "You never cleaned before."

"I'm sorry." She shrugged. "I had nothing to do. I was going to clear the other bunk, but I thought – "

Solo eyed her warily. "We'd better find you something to do before you clean the rest of the ship."

"Mm," she agreed. "Without the dirt holding it together, it might fall apart."

Solo started to scowl at her, and then he noticed something sticking out of a drawer under the medical bunk. Two strides took him to the drawer, and he opened it to remove a neatly folded piece of sickening yellow-green and purple sheeting roughly twenty centimetres square. There was a small pile of them in the drawer. Solo glared at her. It was one thing for her to have spaced the sheets, but to have cut them into little pieces – ?

He waved it at her. "What the hell is this?"

"I'm _female_ ," Leia said, matter-of-factly, looking amused despite her faint blush. "Four weeks. Think about it, Han."

It took him a heartbeat to catch her meaning, and then he said, "Oh." And put the piece of sheet back in the drawer. A moment later, a sudden thought occurred to him. "Then what didyou space?"

"Don't worry," she assured him, "most of it went out the airlock."

Solo regarded her with genuine affection, and then made a show of inspecting his bunk. "Not bad, not bad," he muttered, then flopped onto it.

"Do you have to mess it up straight away?" she grouched. "Or is this some male, territory-marking thing?"

"Territory?" He grinned and moved over, ostensibly making room for her. "Absolutely." He patted the bed space in front of him invitingly. "Works even better when there's a female involved."

"I'm sure," she agreed tolerantly, and for a moment, Solo had the feeling she might be considering taking him up on the offer. But she merely indicated the clutter on the opposite bunk and asked, "So, where do you want this stuff put?"

Sitting up, Solo scratched his head and contemplated the task of shifting and sorting a mess that hadn't been looked at in, well, a very long time.

"You can use this bunk," he said.

Leia shook her head. "That's your bunk."

Solo frowned at her. "You've always used this one before."

"That was only for two or three nights at a time. I'd never hear the end of it if I threw you out of your bunk for four _weeks_."

Solo sighed. There was no way out of it; he would have to move the stuff. So far Leia had taken their predicament surprisingly well; the least he could do was provide her with her own bunk.

"We could put it in with Chewie," he supposed.

"Chewie won't mind?" Leia asked, considering the size of the small starboard hold that served as the Wookiee's cabin.

"So long as we leave room for his hammock," Solo shrugged. No, Chewie wouldn't _mind_ ; he'd be totally pissed. He would have to sweeten the deal somehow. Solo got to his feet and was conscious of towering over her. "Don't worry about Chewie," he said. "I'll get him to help, then he can't complain that I've put it in the wrong place or boxed something in."

He glanced down and saw that she was staring up at him with an expression of apprehension on her face. For a moment, he fought an almost irresistible urge to kiss her. But she suddenly averted her gaze and took a step away from him.

"Thank you for the bunk," she said, folding her arms defensively across her chest. "So, are you going to give me something to do, or do I start cleaning the cockpit?"

He gave her a look of unadulterated, if overacted, horror before taking her arm.

"Aren't you Queen of the Microfuser?" he asked.

"According to the know-it-all scoundrel who taught me," she agreed.

Solo grinned and led her out of the bunkroom.

Three hours later he found her where he'd left her, still working in the aft hold. The brilliant flare from the microfuser threw everything into sharp blue-white and black contrasts. He had set her up with a rack of circuit boards to work through while he and the Wookiee cleared the spare bunk, but had not expected her to still be at it. Microfusing was painstaking, time-consuming work.

He watched her switch off the microfuser to study her handiwork through the special goggles. As his eyes adjusted to the new light level, Solo realised the upper half of her snowsuit was hanging around her waist, revealing the body-hugging garment she wore underneath, and he took a moment to enjoy her figure.

Finishing her meticulous examination of the circuit board, Leia put down the microfuser and goggles and straightened her back, oblivious to him. Then she started rolling her shoulders and stretching out the stiffness in her spine. Solo found the tug and pull of the fabric against her body mesmerising. She was trying to ease the strained muscles in her neck with her hands but must have been hindered by the thick plaits wrapped around her head because, to Solo's surprise, she unpinned them, letting them fall like silk ropes down her back, then started massaging her neck in earnest.

Seeing the dark smudges of carbon she was leaving on her skin, he smiled and approached her. She sensed him and turned, her hand still on her neck.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she responded, then glanced at the entrance to the hold as a horrible caterwauling drifted in. "What _is_ that?"

Solo rolled his eyes. "Chewie singing. He found a box of old music tapes while we were clearing the bunk, and this is my punishment for lumping it all in his cabin."

"His punishment for you is to let him sing?" Leia clarified.

"Can you _hear_ the noise he's making? Why do you think I 'lost' the tapes in the first place?"

Leia smiled, then listened harder, intrigued. She couldn't hear any music at all, just the Wookiee. "Is it Wookiee music?" she asked.

"No." One side of Solo's face twitched into a smile. "It's the Mud Wallows."

Leia laughed then quickly checked her mirth. The Mud Wallows had been a galaxy-wide sensation for almost ten years before sliding into obscurity about five years ago. At fourteen, she had been quite a fan and, because of who she was, had actually met the band. And had been shocked to find them amazingly crude – the lead singer had actually propositioned her! For the blossoming young woman Leia Organa had been at the time, it was a rude awakening to the sexual fixation of Human behaviour. Despite still liking most of their songs, it amused her to think that the band's music was being so abused by a Wookiee.

She waved a hand at the circuit boards. "You're right. Microfusing is slow, tedious, _hard_ work."

"Especially when you do it for three hours without a break! I'm surprised you can even stand up straight."

Leia eyed the small stack of circuit boards and absently started rubbing her neck again. "There was always just one more bit – "

Solo gave an exasperated sigh. "You know what your problem is?"

"Yes," she answered, looking him in the eye. "You."

He smiled, but said seriously, "You work too hard."

"Someone has to do it," she said, defensively.

"Yeah, but it doesn't always have to be _you_."

He reached out to massage her neck for her, but she flinched away from him.

"Don't."

"Why not? I'm not gonna hurt you."

She inhaled sharply and, for a brief second, met his eyes. The pain and fear in them was unmistakable and left him flummoxed. Why would she be afraid of him?

"These are the ones I finished," she said, turning to the smaller of the two piles of circuit boards. _And deliberately changing the subject_ , Solo thought. "You'd better check them. I wouldn't want to be responsible for – "

Her words regressed to a small gasp and her whole body tensed as he put his hands on her shoulders and started manipulating the muscles in her neck with his thumbs.

"Han, stop."

He thought he discerned a quaver in her voice and smiled gently. "No."

"Please."

There was a slightly panicked edge to her voice and Solo noticed her hands were gripping the edge of the crate she'd been using as a workbench. He said, soothingly, "It's just a massage, Leia."

He wasn't sure if Leia's silence came from her enjoyment of his ministrations or because she couldn't think of anything to say **.** Her body was still tense, but her eyes were shut and her head slightly bowed, allowing him the full expanse of her neck. Her skin was warm and wonderfully soft, her breathing shallow. To distract himself from the overwhelming desire to hold her, Solo changed the direction of his thumbs and concentrated on moving down her spine. And got an immediate reaction from the princess.

She gasped and stood tall, stretching her back. Then started to pull away, embarrassed, he suspected, by her unguarded physical response.

"Your hands'll get tired," she said, lamely.

"Ever tried massaging a Wookiee?" Solo asked, his hands still working on her back. "Builds up your muscles."

"You massage Chewie?" She sounded surprised.

"Sure. When he needs it."

He felt her relax a little and smiled. The inclusion of Chewie had switched the massage from the sensual category to the therapeutic one, making it safe for her to enjoy what he was doing.

"You're very good at it," she murmured.

 _I know_ , he thought, but kept his mouth tightly shut, not wanting to foil his own progress. Nevertheless, his ego crowed, _Wait 'til you see what else I'm good at, Princess_. He took his hands back to her neck. _And then what'll you do, Solo_? he asked himself, unaware that his fingers were now caressing her neck instead of massaging it. _Show her what you're good at and_ _ **leave**_? _You really think that's an option_? He tried to focus on something other than his desire for her, but his body seemed to be working independently of him, moving closer to her.

"You know you have carbon smudges all over your neck?" he said in a low voice.

Leia seemed to struggle with speechlessness for a moment and, in the stillness of the aft hold, and despite the distant caterwauling from the Wookiee, he heard her swallow before she finally croaked, "I need to wash."

Solo felt her hold her breath as he moved a braid to one side, bent and touched her neck ever so lightly with his lips. Once. Twice. And had to control his own breathing when her breath came out in a shuddering whisper that became his name.

"Han..."

Did she have any idea how much it turned him on to hear her say his name? And when she _breathed_ it like that...

He kissed her neck again and felt her press up against him, uncertain whether he had drawn her to him or if she had leaned into the embrace.

"Leia," he murmured, knowing how powerful his use of her name had become, caressing her arms and drawing her closer, revelling in the feel of her body through her skin-tight undershirt. He traced his lips down her neck to the valley between her neck and collarbone, feeling her pulse beneath his lips. He felt her hand tentatively touch his head.

Abruptly she pulled away from him. "I can't do this," she said. "I'm sorry."

Solo regarded her for a moment, not wanting to push her too hard lest she take flight, but sensing she needed the push. "Because you don't want to? Or because you don't think you should?"

"Because you're leaving."

Solo studied his boots and Leia smiled tightly. "I better go clean up," she said.

"Oh," he said, suddenly remembering what he had originally come to tell her. "The bunk." She looked at him questioningly and he explained, "Heat-unit's blown. Probably why we stopped using it. I'll take it and you can have mine." Leia started to shake her head and Solo smiled and insisted, "Come on, Leia, you know how cold it gets." He ran his hands down her upper arms. "There's nothing of you; you'd freeze." A lewd thought occurred to him and he grinned. "Unless you'd rather let _me_ keep you warm?"

Leia smiled tolerantly and replied, "That's all right; your bunk'll be fine. I take it water showers are out?"

Solo nodded, smiling apologetically. " 'fraid so. Tank's full but it's still a limited supply." His mouth twisted, ruefully. "The last thing we need is for the water recycler to go out."

"Mm!" Leia agreed, heartily, and headed out.

Solo watched her leave before making a mighty effort to pay attention to checking the circuit boards she had just finished.

Leia made her way into the small refresher cubicle, her mind and emotions in turmoil, and caught sight of herself in the small mirror as the door hissed shut behind her. She sighed and wondered what the hell she thought she was doing. Wondered if she could think about anything other than kissing Han and whether he had any idea how tempted she was to take him up on the offer of keeping her warm.

Irritated with herself, and with Han, Leia stripped out of her snowsuit and underwear, automatically feeding them into the autovalet beside the washbasin. Then she unplaited her hair, stepped into the shower stall and activated the cycle.

Almost immediately, the sonic waves started rippling over her, jangling her nerves. Leia loved real warm-water showers, would spend as much time as possible under one, and although sonics were effective at removing dirt and dead cells, they were nevertheless something she endured rather than enjoyed. She and every other human she knew. _Except Luke_ , she thought. Luke, the desert-dweller, who had grown up with only sonics and regarded washing in water as a sinful waste.

For a moment Leia felt a whisper of concern for the young man. She hoped he had made it to the rendezvous with the fleet, and realised that she didn't even know if he'd survived the battle on Hoth. If he had, he would probably be worried sick about her. They would all assume the _Falcon_ had been captured.

She raised her arms as the sonic unit moved into the last part of its cycle, lifting and separating her hair, allowing the waves to penetrate.

No one had any idea where they were. Sub-space communication was out of the question for the Rebellion's safety as well as theirs, and it was going to take the _Falcon_ four weeks to reach something resembling civilisation. Four weeks for Han to...what? Pursue her? Torment her? Make love to her?

Leia groaned and leaned her head against the shower door. Was that what she wanted? Really? _I want him to kiss me_ , she thought. _I want him to touch me, hold me, love me_.

 _Everything I touch, everything I love_ _ **dies**_.

 _I know this...and still I want him_.

Leia collected herself as the shower finished and stepped out, shivering from cold despite the warm, tingly residue of the sonics.

She opened the autovalet expecting to find her clothes laundered and dry, but instead found them dripping wet. Confused, she wondered for a moment if she hadn't misjudged the time, but checking the chrono she'd left beside the basin forced the horrible truth to sink in.

The autovalet seemed to have broken down. It was as unreliable as everything else on the stupid ship! Probably gone out in sympathy with the hyperdrive! Leia looked hopelessly at the small room she was in. Now what? She had no clothes! None at all! Her rage suggested it was probably another one of Solo's practical jokes and for a moment she pictured him waiting gleefully on the other side of the door. Whether for her shriek of outrage or naked dash to the bunkroom Leia couldn't decide, but she was determined to give him no such satisfaction.

Slamming the lid down on the autovalet, Leia grabbed the only towel in the room and wrapped it around herself. Then she opened the door and stormed out, daring the Corellian to be anywhere nearby.

The fact that he wasn't turned her theory to dust. And besides, she rationalised, there'd been no 'gloat' circuit in the autovalet.

She made it to the bunkroom unnoticed, shut the door and proceeded to look through Solo's clothes. Underpants were out of the question; there was nothing here that would even come close to fitting her. She pulled out a pair of pants with the ubiquitous bloodstripe down the seam. Fine, somehow they would have to do. And if Han had a fit about it, all the better!

Standing beside Threepio at the technical station, listening intently to Threepio's translation from the _Falcon's_ erratic intelligence, Chewbacca was distinctly aware that his partner's mind had wandered despite his outward appearance of concentration. Chewbacca could understand his friend's loss of interest in the more mundane business of repairing what they could of their flying short-circuit, but the Corellian's distraction was irritating nonetheless. He had watched his friend kiss the princess in the circuitry bay and wanted to throttle him on the spot. In the middle of an unstable asteroid, an Imperial blockade waiting for them, their situation nothing if not desperate and Solo had been busy thinking with his gonads! And the fact that they were leaving the Rebellion to finally pay Jabba seemed to have slipped his mind entirely!

His human friend reeked of suppressed sexual desire. But then so did the princess. Chewbacca sighed, unable to fathom the ludicrousness of the human mating dance. They both wanted it, so why did they fight it?

Chewbacca was about to snap a reprimand at him when they both heard the booted footfalls and turned to look at the princess as she entered the hold. Chewbacca's eyes widened and he had to suppress a snigger as he took in what she was wearing, and looked to his partner to see his reaction.

Solo, it seemed, had been rendered speechless.

"You can add the autovalet to your list," Leia snapped defensively. "It seems to have cut out halfway through the cycle; all my clothes are wet." She indicated what she was wearing and added sarcastically, "I hope you don't mind, but the only other option was for me to walk around naked."

Chewie could hear the amusement starting to creep into his partner's voice as he stammered, "No, that's fine." After all, there wasn't much else he could have said. "Although the image of you wandering 'round the ship naked does have a certain appeal," Solo added.

Quick as a flash Leia responded, "I will if you will."

Solo laughed and Chewie barked at his partner, [I dare you!]

Leia didn't miss the awkward glance the Corellian threw at him before covering it with a laugh, and Chewie could see she knew Solo had no intention of translating for her. He was about to engage Threepio when Solo asked her, "Is _everything_ mine?"

"Except the boots," she admitted.

[She looks like a mini version of you,] Chewie rumbled and Solo's face broke into a wide grin.

"He says you look like a mini me," Solo explained delightedly and Leia rolled her eyes.

"Wonderful!" she muttered. She looked pointedly at the technical station and asked, "Anything I can do?" Solo and Chewbacca traded looks and the princess sighed and rolled her eyes again. "Let me guess?" she said. "Food?"

Chewie rumbled happily and Solo merely grinned, then called after her as she headed for the galley, "Unless you know anything about hyperdrive mechanics?"

The conversation was subdued as they ate the meal Leia had prepared. Solo and Chewie both managed the obligatory compliments for her preparation of the food, but Leia suspected their hearts weren't in it. She knew hers wasn't.

The meal didn't taste _bad_ exactly, but it wasn't good, either. A mixture of rehydrated noodles, vegetables and sauce which she was sure she had eaten somewhere before and felt certain would taste nice, but...

"Typical princess," Leia muttered into her plate, feeling more useless than ever. "I can't even cook!"

Solo and Chewie both started to disagree, but Leia's glare told them they would only aggravate things by trying to perpetuate the myth.

"Well..." Solo was obviously fishing for something good to say and having trouble. "Princesses aren't _supposed_ to cook," he said.

Leia wondered exactly what he thought a princess _was_ supposed to do, and asked him. His larynx bobbed as he swallowed nervously. Finally he answered, "Well, I always thought princesses were just supposed to look beautiful."

 _Eye candy_! _Arm furniture_! Leia thought bitterly as she pushed the noodles around her plate aimlessly. _Typical Imperial attitude_! She forced herself to smile as she said quietly, "Oh, I failed that one _years_ ago."

"I don't think so."

Leia smiled at his compliment. "Thanks, but I grew up being mistaken for one of the servants."

Solo leaned back in the couch and turned slightly to face her, his elbow on the table. "Maybe because you spent a lot of your time with the servants?"

"Well...yes," Leia admitted. "I felt comfortable with them. _Real_. There was none of the... I don't know... Politics? Airs?"

"You could relax with them."

"They were _honest_."

"That's why you were elected into the Senate." Leia frowned at him and Solo explained, "You knew your people, the _real_ people. And they voted for you because of it."

 _And then I betrayed and murdered every last one of them_! Leia stared at her meal, willing the tears not to come and afraid to move lest her inner trembling become apparent. She felt Solo touch her face and held her breath, unable to look at him. The hand retreated and she closed her eyes in relief.

"Anyway," he continued, "I've seen you _looking_ like a princess, Princess, and you _more_ than meet the beauty qualifications. Besides," she heard his grin, "you're in at least half the pilot lockers and they're _never_ wrong!"

Leia smiled despite herself. Solo had told her about the pilots hanging pictures of 'porn queens' with her face superimposed onto them in their lockers a year or two ago. It had peeved her then, but it amused her now. In a warped sort of way. Unable to think of anything to say, and unwilling to waste the food, she forced herself to eat.

Han and Chewie seemed to respect her withdrawal from the conversation and chatted amiably beside her. Irked that she was feeling so emotional, and irritated by the fact that she could only understand half the conversation, Leia quickly finished her meal and excused herself. She needed to be alone.

Solo seemed surprised at her departure, but accepted her excuse without question and bid her good night from the table. For that alone, Leia was grateful. She'd been terrified he would expect her to kiss him good night, and the frightening part was that she _wanted_ to. But Leia knew that if she started kissing Han, she wouldn't be able to stop.

She carried her dinnerware to the galley and decided to clean up the minor mess she had made while preparing their meal. All the while stewing over the excess of _feeling_ Solo seemed to inspire in her. She was almost finished her clean-up when Solo stepped into the small room carrying his and Chewie's dinnerware. Leia tried to conceal her unrest by quizzing him about the operating rules of the small sonic dishwasher. He showed her the correct codes to enter; seemingly impressed that she had loaded the machine so well. But the minute they had finished the task, he moved closer and took her hand in his.

 _Here it comes_ , Leia thought frantically. _He's going to kiss me. And I won't be able to stop_...

"We need to lay out some ground rules here," Leia said hastily. Solo frowned at her and she plunged ahead, determined to say what she had decided she would tell him. "I don't want to get involved with you, Han."

Solo paused for a moment to regard her carefully, then looked at her hand as he let it go and asked, "Can I ask why the change of heart?"

"There is no change of heart," she replied stiffly.

"I see," he said, studying her for a moment. Then he added, "That wasn't the feeling I got in the circuitry bay."

 _He can't stop thinking about it either_ , she thought, but forced herself to plunge ahead. "I didn't say I'm not attracted to you, Han; I said I didn't want to get _involved_ with you." She regarded him earnestly and reasoned, "If you hadn't dragged me from the Command Centre, I wouldn't even _be_ here."

"No," he agreed, moving towards the hatch. "You'd be dead under the ice or Vader's prisoner."

Leia, struck by the bitterness in his voice and the truth in his words, hurriedly tried to sound conciliatory, "Han, I didn't mean – "

Solo paused at the hatch and looked back at her. "Leia, I didn't pull you out of there to annoy you, or to seduce you! I did it to save your _life_. I thought we were friends?"

Leia nodded. "We are."

Solo put his hand on the hatchway and considered briefly, then shook his head. "No, we're not." Leia looked at him, hurt and alarmed, and Solo sighed. "I don't know what we are. Me and Chewie are friends; me and Luke are friends. Me and you?" His mouth quirked up on one side. "We have forty days and nights of close proximity, Princess; I'll try hard to be on my best behaviour. But if I end up annoying you or seducing you along the way, I apologise in advance."

Leia watched him go and wondered how she was going to survive the next four weeks.

Before she went to bed, Leia checked the clothes she had hung up to dry in the 'fresher. They were still quite wet, the snowsuit particularly so, and it occurred to the princess as she walked to the bunkroom and shut the door that she had nothing to wear to bed. Not that sleeping naked was a problem – in fact she preferred it – but it was not something she was about to consider while sharing the room with Han.

 _Not yet anyway_.

Leia paused and wondered where the hell _that_ thought had come from. No, she would wear the shirt she had on, she decided, trying to ignore the part of her brain that seemed to want to run rampant with her fantasies. It covered her bottom, so long as she didn't lift her arms, and would certainly do if she had to rush to the 'fresher. It would do to sleep in.

She switched the room lighting to the dim, 'night' setting, and sat on the edge of the freshly made bunk. _Han's_ bunk.

Looking at the recently cleared bunk opposite, Leia found herself imagining him in it. So close that if she reached out she could almost touch him. Long, lean, almost too big for the bunk. Naked? Yes, naked; Han would be the sort to sleep naked. And looking at her with...

Leia frowned and moved across to examine the bunk Solo had cleared for himself. No, it wasn't a trick of the dim lighting; this bunk was narrower than the one he usually occupied. Standard width. Looking back at the bunk she was about to sleep in, it was suddenly obvious where he had widened it. And 'why' took no leap of imagination.

Embarrassed, Leia couldn't believe she'd never noticed before, but then the surrounding clutter had helped to hide it. It wasn't a true two-person bunk, but it was certainly more than a single. _No wonder it's so comfortable_ , she thought, cynically. And couldn't help wondering how many women he had brought to it.

For a moment she considered taking the narrow bunk, but Solo's admonitions about the cold were correct. Space was cold. Starship bunks were so cold that no ship's bunk was manufactured without a heating element.

Resigned, Leia sat on Han's bunk and removed her boots, then untied the cord she had used to hold up her pants. _Solo's_ pants. _Mini me_! Leia repressed a smirk and wondered if she should add a vest to her ensemble. Ah, if only Alliance command could see her! The talk... Leia considered her thoughts. There would be _talk_. Lots of it. Especially once she was safely back with the fleet. The princess and the smuggler _alone_ together? Either they would kill each other or... Leia licked her lips pensively. She knew the sort of talk that had been going around the base before the attack – the sort of talk she had always met with disdain and Han had sometimes encouraged just to infuriate her.

Sighing, Leia stood, dropped the pants, and stepped out of them. She put them on the end of her bunk and climbed in. _Han's_ bunk.

The clean sheets felt soft and cool against her skin despite the subtle warmth emanating from the thin mattress and she smiled, pleased to be able to enjoy the sensation. The cold had been such an overwhelming consideration on Hoth.

Settling onto her side after getting the pillow into a shape that resembled comfortable, Leia looked out at the darkened cabin and listened to the sounds of the _Millennium Falcon_ , the wonderfully familiar hum of the engines, and snuggled deeper into the bunk. The smells and sounds combined to create an environment in which she felt wonderfully safe. It always had. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the ship had been the instrument of rescue in her Death Star liberation, but Leia slept better on the _Falcon_ than anywhere and had never had a nightmare on her.

Despite the freshly laundered linen, Leia could smell Han's distinctive scent in the pillow; the aftershave he used and maybe his shampoo, but under it all a subtle scent that was just his, and this too was comforting.

A princess and a smuggler... Leia could feel Dodonna's disapproval already, and Mon Mothma's. Rieekan...actually, she suspected Rieekan would happy about it; he'd thrown them together on missions often enough. Maybe Rieekan had prompted Solo's return to the Command Centre for her? And maybe it had simply been Solo's concern...

 _Was_ he concerned for her? Leia rolled onto her back and stared at the overhead bulkhead, irritated with herself. Of course he was concerned; how many times had he saved her life? But did he _care_? Sure he'd kissed her, but Leia was far from knowledgeable in the area of relationships that were anything other than professional. Perhaps he simply wanted to 'bed' her? Maybe she was just another conquest or part of a bet with some of the Rogues?

Leia chewed her lip. That was the thing with relationships, wasn't it? Nobody knew what the other one was thinking. Someone had to take the risk – the risk of being laughed at, of being vulnerable. And starting something with Han... It dawned on Leia that the Corellian had been fighting their attraction just as much and as hard as she was. She sighed and settled onto her side again. So, did his kissing her mean that he'd changed his mind? And she had kissed him back...

Leia closed her eyes and wallowed in the memory of that kiss. The responses from her body were like nothing she had ever experienced.

Rieekan and the others would have them paired off by now, and Leia wondered if that was what _she_ wanted? Was that what Han wanted? Leia wished she knew the answer.

 _"Because you don't want to, or because you don't think you should?"_ he had wanted to know. Leia burrowed her face into the pillow and answered honestly to herself, _Because I'm afraid_...

Solo took himself to the 'fresher on his way to the bunkroom several hours later, and was shocked to find Leia's snowsuit and underwear draped over the shower stall. Snowsuit, thermal leggings and top, socks, underpants and the corset-like undershirt that seemed so popular among women in the Alliance. Solo had seen far more attractive forms of breast restraint, but these were obviously comfortable and practical. He smiled, lingering over his inspection of the bra. The form-fitting garment was designed to conform to the shape of the wearer, and he could clearly see the imprint of Leia's breasts in it. He ran his fingers lightly over the soft material; imagined it cupping her breasts. Imagined himself removing it and his hands cupping her breasts... and felt his nether regions respond. Sighing, he hung the garment back where she had left it, and moved to brush his teeth.

His toothbrush was wet and he frowned, thinking for a moment that he must have already brushed but forgotten. Then he realised - Leia must have used it. And found the idea ludicrously erotic. To have something so personal of his used so personally by her...

Solo closed his eyes, acutely aware of the erection straining against his pants. How many times had he watched her brush her teeth? So many times that he knew her routine. Front to left to front to right, then open to do the biting surfaces... Solo opened his eyes and looked at his reflection in the small mirror, and wondered if Luke knew Leia's tooth brushing routine.

He applied paste to the brush and started brushing, trying to ignore the throb in his groin and the images his brain was throwing at him, fantasies of exploring her mouth with his tongue, and her exploring his. Fantasies of exploring not just her mouth but her body, between her legs, and bringing her to climax again and again. Just the thought of being inside her...

Solo spat and rinsed, and wondered how the hell he was going to survive the next forty days. And nights...

He looked at his bunk as he entered the softly lit bunkroom. The princess appeared to be asleep and, as his eyes adjusted to the low light, he could just make out her face, white against the dark shadow of her hair.

He started undressing, removing his shirt and blaster belt, then sat on the spare bunk to remove his boots. His bunk for the duration of their subspace journey to Bespin.

He stood briefly to undo his belt and trousers, sliding them past his hips, then sat again as he pulled them off, taking his socks off at the same time. Stripped to his underpants, Solo paused to wonder what he should wear to bed, and looked at the sleeping form of the princess, wondering what she was wearing.

He fossicked quietly in a drawer, found some comfortable shorts and donned them, leaving his underpants on the floor beside his socks. Then made a mental note to do something about the autovalet tomorrow.

About to get into his bunk, Solo paused and looked at the princess again.

Her face looked peaceful in sleep. Younger. The strict control she kept on her emotions and expressions relaxed. Solo crossed the small space between the bunks, the deck plates cold against his bare feet, and squatted beside her, mesmerised. She had loosely plaited her hair after her shower but it had obviously come undone, because now it flared around her head like a wild thing.

 _Gods_ , he thought, _she's_ _ **so**_ _beautiful_.

The erection that had subsided as he undressed now returned in full measure. And, no longer hampered by his tight trousers, pointed eagerly at the girl asleep in front of it. As if its owner had any doubts about where he wanted it to go.

Solo breathed deeply through his nostrils and was echoed by the princess, who chose that moment to shift onto her back. That was when he realised she was still wearing his shirt. Just like she had in Farrouq's mansion on Coruscant. When he had pretended to be her husband just to keep her safe and Inconterza had almost raped her anyway.

"Leia," he sighed, then leaned carefully over her face to brush her forehead with a whisper-soft kiss. He then stood and went to his own bunk, settling the covers around himself as he lay down.

Leia woke with a start and lay still, orienting herself. She was on the _Falcon_ , in Han's bed, limping towards a destination that depended entirely on the cooperation of Han's _friend_. The lack of control over her immediate destiny terrified her.

She looked across at the spare bunk, listening to Han's breathing, and felt vaguely disturbed that she hadn't heard him come in. It was unlike her, and suggested she felt safe around the Corellian, despite her belief to the contrary.

A wave of irritation swept through her and, glancing at the chrono over the bunk, she wondered what time Solo planned to get up. Deciding she still had an hour or so to sleep, Leia settled onto her side and let the comforting hum of the _Falcon's_ drive lull her back to sleep.

\- 42 -


	2. Chapter 2

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day3

Leia was awake, but the thought of getting up filled her with dread. The first day of their long trek had not gone well; she had begun it with a long-winded harangue about the fact that her clothes were still wet, which had put Han on an annoyed defensive. After that, Chewie had yelled at Han for not paying attention and causing a time-consuming blow-out in the communications array. The problem, which then somehow bled across to the sensor suite rendering them blind to anything that might approach the ship, had taken the Wookiee and the Corellian five hours to correct.

Leia had busied herself with the microfuser and the unfinished stack of circuit boards to keep out of their way and was painfully stiff and sore as a result. She'd contemplated asking Solo for a massage, but his mood was not good and the prospect of being beholden somehow did not sit well with her. She owed him too much already. And the thought of what a massage might lead to had kept her silent. Better to suffer.

But the pain had made her irritable as well as intolerant and she had lashed out at Solo at the first opportunity. His response had been equally heated and they had avoided one another for the rest of the day, even eating at separate times. But when she had overheard him describing her to Chewie as pre-menstrual, Leia had gone ballistic. The fact that it was true only made her angrier and Leia had taken herself to bed that evening without wishing any of them goodnight.

Listening as Solo rose the next morning, Leia wondered if he was still angry and, unwilling to face him, had rolled to face the blind side of the bunk and pretended to be asleep. And when he started arguing with the Wookiee, Leia had pulled her covers tighter and contemplated not getting out of bed at all.

Waking an hour later, surprised to find she had fallen asleep again, Leia rolled onto her back and pondered getting up. Apart from a need to use the 'fresher the incentive just wasn't there. She had nothing to do; she would have to go to Solo to find out what task he considered her capable of, and doubtless he would have a go at her for sleeping so late.

Sighing, Leia was shocked to be able see her breath vapour and, testing the air temperature with her arm, decided it was as cold as Hoth in the cabin! _Great!_ Somehow those idiots had blown the environment control! She snuggled deeper into the warmth of her bed, wishing it were possible to hibernate until they got to Bespin and avoid the situation entirely.

A muffled, distant clanging penetrated her thoughts and she wondered what the hell they were doing now. Fixing environment control she hoped. Then it dawned on her that the sounds seemed to be coming from the floor.

Frowning, Leia sat up, heard a definite clang and felt terror grip her as she identified it as coming from the outer hull. There were several more thumps and clangs and Leia's initial vision of a couple of mynocks somehow surviving on the hull swiftly transformed into a boarding party.

" _Han?_ " she shrieked, launching herself at the closet and flinging aside Solo's clothes as she hunted for the spare blaster she knew Solo kept there. " _Chewie?_ "

The bunkroom was beside the portside docking arm and Leia could hear the top hatch opening as she searched, shivering from cold despite the rush of adrenaline. Somehow, they'd been boarded, she decided. Captured. And Solo and Chewie were prisoners...And they'd left her asleep in the hope that she wouldn't be discovered! Leia finally unearthed the blaster, automatically checking the charge, and raced for the airlock.

A large spacesuited figure was stepping out of it as she approached and she fired twice in rapid succession. As the blaster fired, the suited figure turned to look at her before he was thrown against a bulkhead as the first blaster bolt clipped his shoulder and then fell backwards as the second bolt hit his armoured helmet. The charge bounced off the helmet and impacted against the opposite bulkhead, starting a small fire.

For what seemed an interminable moment, Leia stared at the fallen, unmoving figure. Then the full horror of what she'd just done sank in and she dropped the blaster and ran to him. She had recognised him as she'd fired.

"Chewie!" she cried, crouching beside him as she checked the wound and looked at his face. "Chewie!" He seemed to be unconscious and she could faintly hear Han yelling through the helmet comlink.

As she hurriedly started unsealing the Wookiee's helmet, Leia could hear the airlock cycling behind her. _Han is going to kill me_. She lifted the heavy helmet off as the inner hatch opened and Solo exploded out of it, his helmet already off.

"What the hell did you _do_?" he yelled, then noticed the burning bulkhead and lurched back into the airlock for the anti-incendiary foam.

"I thought we were being boarded – " Leia started to explain as he returned and sprayed enough foam to extinguish the fire.

"You _shot_ him?" Solo hollered. "You _shot_ Chewie?" He returned the canister to the airlock and Chewie moaned as Leia tried to investigate his wound.

"I didn't _know_ it was Chewie! There were these noises on the hull and I thought you'd been killed or something!"

" _What_?" Solo paused to give her a look of scornful disbelief then started undoing the Wookiee's spacesuit. "Help me get him out of this!"

Leia helped Solo roll the Wookiee onto his side and snapped defensively, "What the hell were you doing out there anyway?"

Solo grunted as he levered Chewbacca's injured arm out of his suit and the Wookiee whimpered. "What do you _think_ we were doing, Sweetheart? Fucking around?"

"Yes, actually! And maybe if you'd spent more time actually _fixing_ the ship instead of _fucking_ with it, we wouldn't be here!"

Solo glared at her then said tightly, "Lift his head and shoulders so I can peel the suit down."

Leia complied, straining just about every muscle in her upper body to do so, and the Wookiee moaned again.

"We've gotta get him to the medbunk before he comes round," Solo said, and had almost succeeded in pulling the suit off when the Wookiee roared and lashed out, kicking Solo into the bulkhead and flinging Leia against the open hatch to the airlock. Her head hit the doorframe with an audible _crack_.

" _Chewie_!" Solo yelled as the irrational, howling and very conscious Wookiee staggered to his feet. " _Chewie_!" The Wookiee roared at him and Solo grabbed him by the fur on his neck. "It's _me_ , you furry oaf!" Chewbacca bared his teeth, then _whuffed_ apologetically and staggered, his feet still trapped in his EV suit. "Leia shot you," Solo explained darkly after helping his friend step out of the suit, and Leia was aware of them both looking at her as she struggled to sit up.

"I'm sorry – " she started and stifled a groan as her head started throbbing. She looked up at Solo as he approached, expecting him to help her to her feet, but instead he pointedly tugged the shirt she was wearing down over her naked buttocks then turned back to the Wookiee and helped him stagger to the bunkroom.

Mortified, Leia stayed where she was for a moment, trying to come to grips with the fact that, not only had she shot Chewie, she'd been running around half-naked. She clambered to her feet and waited a moment for everything to stop spinning. Then, pulling self-consciously at the hem of her shirt, she headed for the 'fresher.

She was shivering uncontrollably by the time she made her way to the bunkroom to dress and, aware of a background nausea, suspected she was mildly concussed.

She had to step over Solo's EV suit which he'd discarded in the doorway and Leia noticed the snowsuit and underwear, which she'd moved from the 'fresher to hang over the medbunk, had been thrown to the floor. She picked them up without a word, noticing that Solo did not look up from the Wookiee, and sat on her own bunk to contemplate dressing. Taking a deep breath to keep the nausea at bay, Leia pulled on her underpants and asked quietly, "How's Chewie?"

"He'll live," was the terse response, and Leia wondered why she was bothering to dress when all she wanted to do was fall back into bed and sleep.

"Do you need my help?" she asked, then winced and answered herself, "As if I haven't 'helped' enough already..."

Solo looked at her then and frowned. "Are you all right?"

Chewbacca rumbled softly and Leia wiped a hand across her eyes. The nausea was getting worse.

"I'm...fine," she muttered then added, "I have a headache." She came to a decision and swung her feet up onto the bunk. "I'm just going to lie down for a little while..."

Chewbacca growled at Solo and the Corellian frowned at him, nodded and moved over to the princess. "No, wait," he said, stopping her from lying down. "Let me look at you."

"I think you've seen more than enough of me today," Leia muttered, not looking at him.

Solo smiled despite his anger and replied quietly, "Hardly." He took her face in one hand, forcing her to look at him while he checked her eyes. "Nowhere near enough in fact."

Leia felt her insides flip at his words and held her breath. His scrutiny lasted longer than necessary, she was certain, and she forced herself to breathe, trying not to look into his eyes and wondering what he was thinking.

"Feeling nauseous?" Solo asked suddenly.

Leia nodded and he let her face go.

"Better not sleep – you could have a mild concussion."

Leia just wanted to curl up and lose herself in unconsciousness so she wouldn't have to deal with any of it.

"I'll risk it," she said, lying down.

"But I won't, not until I've scanned you." Solo said seriously. "And I can't do that 'till I've finished with Chewie. Sit up."

"No."

"Leia," Solo threatened, "if you don't get up now, I'm gonna get in there with you and make sure I keep you awake."

Leia looked at him, but she didn't get up. "Fine," she said, calling his bluff. "But hadn't you better see to Chewie first?"

Solo scowled at her then turned back to Chewie. When the Wookiee asked after the princess, Solo held his fist up, threatening to wallop him and said, "You _concussed_ her you great clump of a lump!"

Chewbacca wailed mournfully and Solo pointed out, "Yeah, but she shot _you_." He inspected his friend's shoulder, poked the edge of the wound carefully with his finger. "Numb yet?" Chewbacca _wuffled_ an affirmative and Solo set about cutting the Wookiee's fur away from the wound.

Leia watched the Corellian work over the Wookiee, listening to him alternately soothing and abusing his friend, and Chewbacca obviously gave as good as he got. They were such good friends... Leia had never had a friendship like the one Han and Chewie shared, and had always felt vaguely envious of them. Even Luke and Han had a friendship she could never share. Leia sighed, feeling very alone, and found herself wishing she could understand the Wookiee.

That thought gave her a moment's pause. Why shouldn't she learn it? The fact was she was in the best position ever to learn the language; she had Chewie, she had Threepio, and she had four weeks to fill.

Solo tried not to think about Leia as he shaved the edge of the burn site on Chewbacca's shoulder. Or the view he'd just seen of her naked rear. For the injury Chewie had caused her, Solo was tempted to shave his friend bald. But Chewbacca was already mortified.

[Is the princess – ?]

"She's lying down."

[But is she – ?]

"She'll be fine," Solo insisted. "Stop worrying. I'll scan her as soon as I've finished with you, and if you don't stop moving I'm gonna sedate you!"

[I didn't mean to hurt her.]

"And she didn't mean to shoot you," Solo assured him, and put the shaving equipment aside. "She thought we were being boarded." He put a towel under the Wookiee's shoulder and flushed the entire burn site with water. "When you're both on your feet again, you can wallow in guilt together."

He concentrated on applying the small swab of bacta and watched with satisfaction as it adhered to the wound.

"It's taking beautifully," he told the Wookiee. "An hour or two and we'll be able to wrap it."

[What about the ESA-unit? It's freezing in here, you know.]

Solo grimaced, "I know, I know! I'll get to it. Threepio's still out there. Who knows? Maybe he'll have fixed it by the time I get back?"

[He's probably fallen off by now!]

Solo grinned, "I don't think we're _that_ lucky."

[And we'll blow the sublight systems trying to get him back on board.]

Solo looked horrified. "Are you trying to jinx us?"

The princess moaned and they both looked at her.

[Is she asleep?] Chewie asked.

"I think so." Solo picked up the diagnostic scanner and recalibrated it to human standards. "Rest up," he told his friend. "I'll check her over then get you something to drink."

[Check her over or do her over?] Chewbacca growled suggestively, and Solo regarded him with affront.

"What sort of animal do you think I am?"

[A human animal,] the Wookiee barked. [Worst kind.]

Solo scowled at him and shook his head. _Like you'd know_ had been his instinctive come back, but the problem was, Chewie _did_ know. Chewie had suffered some of the worst humiliations possible at human hands. And his life debt to Han had won him very few friends among his own kind.

Solo let his irritation slide and moved over to the princess. Despite being asleep, she was looking anything but comfortable; in fact she looked distressed. Her face was contorted with what Solo suspected was pain and her body was writhing slowly.

Concerned, he sat on the bunk beside her and ran the scanner over her head, watching the small screen as it relayed the pertinent information. Her brain was a little bruised on one side, but there were no clots or signs of haemorrhaging. But she was obviously suffering one hell of a headache.

Leia whimpered and pulled away from him and he followed her, running the scan a second time just to be sure. The diagnosis was the same, and Solo was about to get up to get her a painkiller, something intravenous so he wouldn't have to wake her, when she started gasping for air. His automatic reaction was to sit her up, to clear her airways, but when he gripped her upper arms to do so, she wailed and tried to throw herself from his grasp.

That was when he realised she was dreaming.

...

The throbbing ache in her head eventually penetrated Leia's pain-free oblivion, forcing her back to consciousness. And with consciousness came nausea. Leia moaned and shifted her head, hoping the change in position would ease the ache but, if anything, it seemed to intensify. She was breathing heavily, struggling to deal with the pain when a low hum seemed to hover over her. It confused her momentarily, but then abruptly she was back in her cell on the Death Star, the interrogation droid hovering over her.

Leia moaned and tried to back away. Then she felt the clamps wrap around her upper arms, the clamps that had held her in place while her veins were filled with poison...

 _No, please_...

"Leia?"

" _Where are the Death Star plans_?" She was surrounded by menace. _Goddess_ , _no_...

"Leia?"

The clamps were tightening; she could feel herself shaking. Next would come the burning...

" _Where is the rebel base_?"

 _Where is Alderaan, you_ _ **bastards**_?

"Leia!"

Why were they calling her by her name? No one ever called her by her name. Sometimes Leia wondered why she even bothered keeping her name. As far as the rest of the galaxy was concerned, Leia did not exist. It was always 'Princess' or 'Your Highness' or 'Your Worshipfulness'...

"Leia, wake up; you're dreaming."

 _I am? But, the pain feels so...real_.

A hand touched her face and she flinched away, whimpering. The pain in her head was becoming unbearable. But the hand was back, gentle, tender, forgiving. _I must be dreaming. Who could forgive me for Alderaan_?

Leia forced her eyes open and the light cut into her brain like a hot blade. She wailed and covered her eyes and found herself being held against a strong masculine chest, comforted, caressed. And a familiar, deep voice kept repeating over and over, "It's all right, Leia, you're safe. You hit your head. You're safe."

 _Safe_...

 _Safe in an asteroid field_? _In the middle of an asteroid_? _In Han's arms_?

 _Nausea...The Death Star dream always makes me vomit_.

Leia tried to push Han away but he held her tighter, not realising she was no longer in the grip of the nightmare.

"Han," she stammered, letting him know she was aware. "I'm going to throw up."

He let her go and she fled to the 'fresher and vomited her heart out. Every purge was a new experience in agony; her head felt like it was going to explode and the pain behind her eyes made her want to claw them out.

Finally finished, Leia dragged herself to her feet and leaned over the basin, rinsing her mouth and washing her face with the cool water.

"Do you want a painkiller?"

The sound of his voice made her jump and she turned to see him standing in the doorway and felt a wave of irritation wash over her. Had he watched her entire performance? He looked concerned.

Leia nodded her response to his question, unable to trust her voice, and he moved away from the door. Heading back to the bunkroom, she supposed.

...

[How is she?] Chewie asked as Solo entered the bunkroom.

"I'm getting her a painkiller," Solo explained as he rifled through the medical kit.

[This is more than concussion,] Chewie pointed out.

"I know," Solo agreed, snapping a cylinder into the infuser.

Leia stepped into the room and Solo was struck by how small and fragile she looked. Although she now wore underwear, she pulled on the bottom of her shirt. Afraid of repeating her earlier performance, he supposed, and had to stifle a smile at the memory of the distracting sight of her creamy-white bottom appearing beneath her shirt, _his_ shirt, as she had struggled to lift Chewie's helmet off.

Her hair was dishevelled and loose, hanging about her shoulders and down her back like a dark shawl. Solo was suddenly reminded of how she had looked in Farrouq's mansion almost three years ago on the mission to Galadan that had taken them to Coruscant and almost got them all killed. He was surprised to realise he'd been as besotted by her then as he was now. The realisation was something of a shock, because he'd been convinced at the time that she and Luke were destined to be a couple. It was certainly what Luke seemed to have in mind.

But not what the princess had in mind obviously. She had successfully kept the young man at a safe distance as far as romance was concerned, and Luke's interest for her in that regard had definitely waned. And, although the kiss she had given Luke in the sick bay on Hoth had been rather passionate, it seemed certain that she had kissed Luke simply to annoy Han. Luke had said as much that afternoon before everything had gone to hell. And then, of course, there was the kiss in the circuitry bay...

He approached her, indicating her neck with the infuser, and was amused to see her react exactly as he would have done – by covering her neck with her hand.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Millerangin," he assured her.

Leia lowered her hand and leaned her head slightly, pushing her hair out of the way and exposing her neck to him. It looked wonderfully smooth and soft, and Solo wanted to kiss it, but he pressed the hypodermic infuser against it, touched the trigger and heard it hiss faintly as the contents were forced through the princess' skin. He had given her a strong dose and, because it was being introduced intravenously, knew the effect would be pretty instant, but was nevertheless surprised when she slumped against him suddenly and sighed with relief.

He rested his hand tentatively against her back, enjoying the silken feel of her hair but uncertain how she would react if he hugged her. "Leia?"

The princess took a deep breath and stepped away from him, then looked up at him and said seriously, " Words cannot express my gratitude, Han. You are a god."

Solo chuckled and moved away to replace the infuser in the medkit. " _Finally_ she sees the true me!"

Leia approached the Wookiee. "I'm so sorry, Chewie," she said contritely. "How are you feeling?"

[I'll be fine, little princess,] the Wookiee responded. [I, too, am deeply sorry for causing you pain.]

Leia turned her head slightly towards Solo as he translated, not taking her eyes off the Wookiee, then nodded. "Chewie, I'd like to learn your language; would you teach me? Threepio can help, and it's not as if we don't have time."

The Wookiee barked an eager affirmative and Leia smiled.

"Thank you," she said, squeezing his hand, then moved over to her bunk and started dressing. "What were you doing on the hull?" she asked Solo.

"ESA blew."

"I never would have guessed," she sniped sarcastically. "I assume you have another EV suit?"

Solo chuckled. "Why, Princess? Planning on coming out?"

"You needed Chewie," she said pointedly.

"Logged a lot of EV hours, have you, Princess?"

"No," she admitted, "but it still has to be done."

Solo regarded her carefully. The extra hands would be useful, without a doubt, but dealing with someone having an EV freakout...though admittedly, "freaking out" was not something he could imagine Leia doing.

He nodded reservedly. "I could use the help. " Then wagged his finger at her and warned, "You throw up in the suit, you clean it!"

Leia rolled her eyes. "Fine." She waved him towards the door. "Lead the way, Captain."

An hour later found them on the bottom hull, almost finished repairs on the Environment System Assembly. Threepio had been deeply traumatised by what he considered his 'deep space abandonment' and Solo had escorted him back to the top hatch. By the time he'd got back to where he'd left Leia, she was lying back, seemingly enjoying the view.

"Anyone would think you were enjoying yourself," he quipped, stepping up beside her.

Leia sat up. "I am," she said, and let him help her to her feet, being careful not to tangle herself in the safety-line dangling from her waist. "Once I get past the change to zero-g, the nausea and stuff, I actually like it."

Solo regarded her affectionately. "Like I've said before, Sweetheart, the Academy would have loved you."

"If the Academy had allowed females to be admitted," Leia responded pointedly, following him across the hull to where the Environment System Assembly was housed.

"Their loss," Solo agreed. "And I seem to remember pointing that out to them several times."

Leia grinned. "Think they could have coped with Luke _and_ me?"

Solo laughed then sobered as he seriously considered the proposition. "I think they would have had trouble keeping you apart."

Leia laughed and said, "You think?"

"You would have been the sweethearts of the Academy," Solo teased. "Its star pilots-turned-lovers."

" _Lovers_? I don't think so."

Solo thought he detected discomfort in her voice and turned to look at her, but her face was hidden by the reflection of their helmet lights on her visor.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I just don't feel that way about Luke," she snapped, obviously irritated.

"No need to bite my head off," Solo responded defensively, walking towards the ESA again.

"Well, everyone is always pairing us off! It's annoying."

Solo checked the replacement ESA he had abandoned with Threepio and was pleased to see the droid had had the sense to magnetically secure it to the hull. He put his tool kit down beside the assembly, securing it the same way, and made a mental note to thank him.

"Maybe they pair you off because they all know how Luke feels about you?" He proposed.

"And how _I_ feel about him doesn't count?" She knelt opposite the assembly from him and added sarcastically, "Oh, I forgot-I'm the 'ice princess' – fair game for any man with the balls to thaw me, right?"

Solo winced. He had said something to that effect in the south passage on Hoth. Said it to hurt her because she was being deliberately obtuse about his leaving the Alliance. Obviously he'd succeeded. He opened his mouth with the intention of apologising, but she muttered, "Besides, everyone knows I don't _have_ feelings."

 _Not since Alderaan_ , Solo thought. _Only 'safe' ones like anger or hate._ But that was another issue, and not one he wanted to start here. He removed the relevant tools from the toolbox and passed them to her, then went back to the safety of their original topic. "You and Luke spend a lot of time together; people assume – "

"You and I spend time together; do they say that about us?" Leia frowned and answered her own question, "Actually they do, don't they?"

Solo grinned at her, pleased to find her face visible from this angle. "Especially after we've had a fight."

Leia's sigh was loud through the speakers beside his ears.

"Don't get me wrong," she said, sounding resigned. "It's not that I don't like Luke, I do. I just don't...I'm not in love with him."

A stab of what Solo could only describe as pure joy spiked through him, and he had to force himself to concentrate on the job at hand. _So what_? He told himself irritably. _Just because she's not in love with Luke doesn't mean she's_ – . He stopped himself, refusing to think it. _Doesn't mean she feels anything for me_ , his mind murmured quietly, rewording the thought to sneak it past.

 _She said she didn't want to get involved_! Solo told himself crossly, then held out his hand and asked for the hydrospanner without looking at her. _Hell,_ _ **I**_ _don't want to get involved_! _Of course you don't_ , the other half of his brain told him sarcastically. _That's why you kissed her_.

"Which size?" she asked, and Solo wondered if anyone had ever told her what a sexy voice she had.

"Four," he said, and felt the appropriate shape fill his gloved hand.

He disconnected the relevant attachments on the ESA, handed the hydrospanner back to her, then, with Leia's help, lifted the unit out of its housing. While the unit itself was not large, it would normally have required Chewie's strength to lift it, but in zero-g it was more than manageable. He ran a strap around it and hooked the strap to his belt to stop the unit from floating away.

"I hope he made it back to the fleet," he heard her say quietly inside his helmet, and wondered if she ever felt as concerned about him as she always seemed to be about Luke.

Solo concentrated on settling the new ESA into position before pausing to look at her. "A pilot like Luke? I'm sure he's fine," he assured her, not wanting to consider the alternative himself. Then, in an attempt to make light of their situation, he smiled and quipped, "Probably wondering what _we're_ doing right now."

Leia's eyes met his for a moment, and then looked back at the ESA, obviously uncomfortable with that train of thought. "They'll all think we were caught," she murmured.

Solo couldn't disagree with her and thought sourly, _Yeah, it's gonna do wonders for my reputation among the bigwigs_. He made some adjustments to the new ESA unit then set about reattaching the necessary links, Leia passing him the requisite tools as needed. Connections complete, he held his breath and turned it on, and was pleasantly surprised to see it spring to life exactly the way it was supposed to. The way his luck had been running, Solo had fully expected it to fizzle and die. Happily, he made the final adjustments and set the temperature a fraction higher than usual, taking Leia into account and hoping it would make her time aboard his ship a little more comfortable.

He closed the panel, task competed, and looked at her.

"Finished?" Leia asked.

"Finished," he replied.

Leia clambered to her feet, awkward in the large magnetic boots, and walked around to him. She helped him secure the tools she had been holding back into the box, then walked beside him as he carried the faulty ESA back to the airlock. Solo opened the hatch, wincing at the blare of light from the airlock below, and positioned the unit on the small platform.

"You go down with it," he said, aware of Leia retracting her safety line. "Get Chewie to come and move it, then I'll come down."

When she didn't answer he turned to look at her. Leia was staring past the _Falcon's_ mandibles at the Anoat system's Primary in the far distance, Bespin, their destination, a point of light in between.

"Leia?"

She turned sharply towards him. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

Solo stepped up beside her and regarded the distant sun as she had been doing. "You were a million light years away."

"I'm sorry, I was – "

"I know," he assured her. "It's like that. When there's nothing between you and the stars. You feel like you could fly without a ship."

"Yes," she admitted quietly.

He looked at her, bending to be able to see her face and forcing her to look at him. "You _should_ have been a pilot; it's in your blood."

Leia looked back at the distant sun for a moment and Solo saw deep longing on her face, then she looked back at him and smiled. "The Organas never flew a day in their lives. They probably couldn't even drive a landspeeder. Too _privileged._ "

"Then they must have felt way out of their depth with you!" Solo assured her and directed her towards the hatch. "Maybe you got it from your mother?"

Leia forced a smile and stepped onto the small platform. "Maybe." The platform descended, taking Leia and the faulty unit to the airlock below, and the hatch appeture shut.

Left alone on the top of his ship, Solo considered her smile, aware of the deep sadness behind it, and was cross with himself for bringing up the family she had lost. He turned from the hatch to look back at the point of light that was Bespin and it occurred to him that almost everything would remind her of Alderaan. And that nothing he could say or do, or _not_ do, would change that. He wished things were different, wished Alderaan was still there. And wondered where she would be if it was.

After the Death Star, she would have been a known Rebel sympathiser and activist. She wouldn't have been able to go home anyway. But at least it would have been there.

For a moment he wove a little fantasy in which the Empire didn't exist, and wondered where they would be. She would still be a princess of course, but without the cares she had now. Solo guessed she would seem younger, and probably more aloof. And he? Perhaps he would still be with the Navy, a captain. _Respectable_. Respectable enough for a princess? Or, more importantly, her father?

Would she have gone to the Academy? Defied her father and followed her heart? Solo smiled at the images _that_ fantasy conjured; she'd have turned the place on its ear! She and Luke. His smile melted away at the thought of Skywalker until he remembered that she'd said she wasn't _in_ _love_ with Luke. Solo smiled as he imagined Leia's reaction to the person _he_ had been at the Academy – loud, obnoxious, cocky. She would have hated him! And he her. Solo grinned to himself. Both of them feeling equally passionate about the other...what an affair they could have had! Or would she have been like all the other spoiled rich brats that went through the place – seeking out every form of excitement to make up for the lack of it in their own lives. Blowing exorbitant allowances on drugs and alcohol, and sleeping with anyone and everyone just to get back at Daddy. Solo suspected Leia had too much self-esteem to take the full self-destructive path, but she might have experimented a little.

He tried to imagine her as a carefree teenager and realised he couldn't. Leia was naturally politically minded; she'd have been organising rallies and student demonstrations. And, as far as her military training was concerned, Solo was sure she'd have done _everything_ by the book. She and Luke. They were so alike in so many ways; they really were perfect for each other. Maybe that was the problem? Luke was not a challenge. _So what does that say about me_? Solo thought wryly. Leia was certainly a challenge as far as he was concerned – and one he took to with relish. But why? What was it about her and why did he _care_ so damn much? Sure he wanted to sleep with her, but if that was all it was he'd have had her and been gone years ago. No, there was something else at work here, something far more dangerous and sinister. Something a mere "bonk" wouldn't satisfy. Nearly losing her on Ord Mantell had brought his feelings for her into sharp focus, and yet the reality of it was still too terrifying to contemplate.

Solo looked back at the hatch and wondered what he was waiting for. Leia was attracted to him, he knew that; he could read her body language easily. She wanted him. And he wanted her. But she was still in that state of virginal denial, trying to remain sane and logical against a tide of hormones. Refusing to believe that her body could be possessed of such instincts, or that her body's desires could rule her head. Maybe he needed to show her that logic had no part in this? Maybe he needed to go down there now, take her to the bunkroom and show her just what it was her body was craving? Get it out of both their systems.

But would it? Or would it just make things worse? Make leaving her unbearable. Solo looked up at the star-sprinkled blackness all around him. They could be dead tomorrow.

The hatched irised open in front of him, as if inviting him to carry out his plan, and Solo sighed. Leia was also terrified, had locked her feelings away so tightly that even she had forgotten the access codes. If he charged down there now, she would never let him near her again.

That was when he realised – he was waiting for _her_. Had been waiting for three years. Waiting for Leia to come to him.

Solo stepped onto the small platform, so engrossed in his thoughts he was only dimly aware of it carrying him into the ship, didn't even notice himself sag as the ship's artificial gravity made itself felt. Yes, he would wait for her, but he would also try to help her remember those codes. In fact, he suspected he had already broken one – when he kissed her in the circuitry bay. He smiled. So maybe he wouldn't rush her into the bunkroom; he'd just _kiss_ her occasionally...

The airlock cycled and the hatch to the ring corridor opened to reveal Chewie waiting for him on the other side, the old ESA in the middle of the floor. The Wookiee stepped in and helped Solo remove his helmet.

"Where's Leia?" Solo asked peeling himself out of the thick EV suit.

[She rushed to the head,] Chewie answered.

Solo looked at him, concerned. "Is she all right?"

Chewie nodded. [I think so. She muttered something about gravity.]

Solo frowned. "Oh." He leaned forward to inspect the bald patch on the Wookiee's shoulder. "How's the shoulder?"

[I can feel it,] was the terse response.

Chewie had recovered enough to feel pissed about the blaster burn on his shoulder, but didn't feel comfortable enough with the princess to have a go at her. Solo smiled. The Wookiee and the princess had never come to blows. But then they had never been trapped in such close proximity for 40 days before. They were both hot-tempered, and it was inevitable there would be a battle of wills eventually... And, with the morbid fascination and safety of a spectator, and having been on the receiving end from both of them, Solo couldn't wait to see what happened when the war broke out.

"Let me check on Her Worship, then we'll see if there's anything salvageable on that old ESA."

Chewie picked up the heavy unit and headed towards the aft hold. Solo hung his EV suit in the recess beside the airlock, then followed the corridor past the bunkroom to the 'fresher. The door was shut and he could hear the sonic shower in operation. It was unusual, but then maybe Leia had a thing about showering after space walks. A lot of people felt 'irradiated' after being EV.

Solo knocked on the door. "Leia?"

He could hear the panic in her voice as she responded, " _Han_?"

Solo grinned. She thought he was going to walk in on her. "No," he replied to her ludicrous question, "it's Luke." He didn't hear a response, but felt certain she'd be glowering. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine," was the response, but there was a reservation or terseness in her voice that made him hesitate before leaving.

"Are you gonna be long?" he asked. "I gotta go." He didn't need to use the 'fresher, but he was feeling vaguely concerned about her, and it was as good an excuse as any to get her to open the door.

The sonic shower stopped and he heard the shower door open. A moment later the 'fresher door opened and she was standing before him wearing nothing but a towel, a guarded expression on her face.

Solo was riveted by the sight of her naked shoulders, and by the knowledge that under the towel —

"I need you to fix the autovalet," she said.

Solo nodded. "I know. We'll get to it."

"No," Leia said evenly. "I need it fixed _now_."

Solo couldn't disguise his chagrin. It wasn't that he didn't want to fix the autovalet; it was just a much lower priority than systems like the ESA.

"Look," he said tersely, "I'm sorry you don't have any of your clothes but – "

"The change in gravity brought on my menses," she said stiffly, meeting his gaze despite the telltale reddening in her cheeks. "The pants I was wearing – "

"I'll fix it," Solo said hastily, cutting her off. "Soon as you're out of there."

"Thank you," Leia said, moving past him to the bunkroom and closing the door.

Solo ran a hand through his hair and caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked back toward the aft hold, but the corridor was empty. _Chewie_ , he thought. _Listening in_. _Probably laughing his fool head off back there_.

He moved into the 'fresher and started pulling the autovalet apart.

Two hours later he was abusing the autovalet with every swear word he knew. He had fixed it twice, but still it would not work and Solo, hot, irritated and sweating, for the life of him, couldn't understand why. He was lying awkwardly on the floor with his arm twisted into the machine, when the princess stepped into the small room – he assumed to check on his progress. He snapped without looking at her, " _What_?"

"I thought you might like a drink," she said quietly.

Solo pulled his arm out of the recalcitrant laundry unit's innards and looked up at her. She was wearing another pair of his pants and one of his... _undershirts_? Solo sat up, wiping his hands on his pants, then took the glass she was holding out to him. It was simply water, but it was cold and wet and barely touched the sides as it went down his throat.

"Thanks," he said, trying not to notice the subtle shape of her nipples through the sleeveless undershirt fabric as he handed the glass back to her. Nevertheless, his manhood noticed, and responded accordingly. Solo shifted uncomfortably. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

"It's hot," she assured him, and then added tactfully, "I think the temperature on the new ESA may have been set a little high."

"What are we running?" he asked.

"Thirty-nine," she said, and Solo rolled his eyes irritably.

"I set it on twenty-five!" he growled. "I'll have to go back out and reset it."

"I'll go," Leia offered.

"No, it's all right," he muttered. _One more fucking thing_! _I knew that fucking unit went in too easy_!

"Would you like another drink?"

Solo nodded. "Thanks."

She stepped out of the 'fresher and he turned back to the autovalet. How the hell was he supposed to concentrate on the autovalet when she was walking around his ship looking like that? Solo stuck his arm back inside the autovalet and felt around again but, as far as he could tell, all the connections were there. The stupid piece of junk _should_ have been working! He sighed and beat his head half-heartedly against the seemingly unfixable machine and wondered how upset Leia would be if he put it out the airlock.

"Does that help?" Leia asked, and Solo looked up, surprised to find her back so soon. The amused affection in her deliciously sexy, alto voice reduced his response to a primitive grunt.

She stepped into the 'fresher and Solo pulled his arm out of the autovalet a little too quickly, wincing as he caught the back of his hand on something sharp, tearing the skin. Ignoring it, he again wiped his hands on his pants and took the offered glass. But this time he drank a little slower.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Leia asked.

 _A good bonk would take my mind off it_ , Solo thought facetiously, but shook his head. "I don't know what's wrong with it," he said. "It _should_ be working."

"Do you want me to get Chewie?"

"Nah, the area's too small; he wouldn't get his hand in."

She noticed the blood on the back of his hand and frowned. "You've cut yourself," she said.

"It's nothing," Solo said and finished his drink.

Leia matter-of-factly rinsed the cloth that was on the edge of the small washbasin and handed it to him, trading it for the glass, and Solo resigned himself to at least making an attempt to clean it. He dabbed half-heartedly at the blood.

"Oh, do it properly," Leia growled, bending to his level and taking the cloth from him.

She started cleaning his hand and Solo, affronted, looked up at her and started to protest, "I can do it." But his view down the front of her undershirt silenced him. He glanced at her face, totally focused on his hand, and let his eyes slide back to the soft visible curve of her breasts. All too soon her ministrations were finished and he looked at her face a fraction of a second before she looked up at him.

Solo swallowed and said softly, "Are you going to kiss it better, too?"

Leia smiled indulgently, lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it softly. It would have taken no effort at all to turn his hand to cup her face, to draw her to him. But he knew she would baulk, so Solo forced himself to fight his instincts and simply smiled at her. _Give her space_ , he told himself. _Wait. She has to want it as much as you do._

"Better?" she asked. Solo nodded and she stood up straight. "I'll leave you to it then." She picked up the glass and left.

Solo sighed and looked balefully at the autovalet. He was about to put his arm inside again but reconsidered and gave it a hefty thump instead. The recalcitrant machine whirred into life.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered and hit it again. The autovalet hummed contentedly.

...

There was an air of irritability around the small holotable that evening, despite the fact that Solo had prepared what they all agreed was a very enjoyable meal. Solo's attempts to correct the ESA's setting had proved fruitless; the temperature inside the ship continued to be oppressive, and Solo was like a caged predator. Chewie had pointed out that the System they'd put in was actually designed for a ship twice the size of the _Falcon_ , and that the ESA would regulate itself eventually, but that didn't make the current temperature any easier to bear. The temperature _was_ coming down – it had dropped almost two degrees since Solo's last adjustment, but it was a slow process and conducive to ill tempers.

Solo and Leia had stripped to the bare minimum in an attempt to ease their discomfort. Solo was wearing an old pair of cut-off trousers, and Leia, one of his undershirts and a pair of lightweight shorts, identical to the ones Solo had taken to wearing to bed. The shorts had a drawstring waist, enabling her to cinch them to fit her. Her own snow-clothes were now dry because of the heat, but impossible to wear for the same reason.

Seeing Leia in what was essentially his underwear fuelled Solo's fantasies and frustration to a degree he had not thought possible. There was only one other woman who'd worn his clothes like this, and that was _after_ he'd slept with her. A fond memory, and one that only exacerbated his desire to sleep with Leia. Simply sitting next to her was almost unbearable; the heat from her body and the sheen of perspiration on her skin... Han Solo was from a temperate climate and, despite his extensive travels, a hot, sweaty woman usually meant one he was 'playing' with.

But Leia had been getting less tolerant as the ship's day wore on, and Solo suspected it was not just due to the heat. He could tell by the way she was limiting the movement of her head and shoulders that she was in pain; she had obviously strained her muscles while trying to get Chewie out of his EV suit. But she was too stubborn to ask for any sort of pain-relief and, chances were, she would barely be able to move by ship's morning.

Chewbacca's shoulder had been wrapped to protect the bacta working there and the accompanying arm was immobilised to help speed the bacta's progress. As a result, he was getting progressively more frustrated by the limiting nature of being one handed. He was also unhappy about the heat, his thick pelt making him doubly uncomfortable, and, Solo noted, he was starting to _smell_.

Leia stopped eating and, with her elbows on the table, leaned her head forward between her hands so she could massage her neck and shoulders. _It must really be hurting_ , Solo thought. She had loosely plaited her hair and it fell over one shoulder, tangling in her fingers as she tried to ease the tension in her muscles. Solo wanted to do it for her, to massage her neck and shoulders, to take the pain away. But he knew she wouldn't let him. Just the thought of touching her... caressing her... He stabbed his fork into the spicy salad he had created and tried not to think about her.

Chewbacca must have noticed her discomfort, because he paused his eating to question the princess' well being.

Leia waved his concerns aside. "I've just strained something," she said, and self-consciously sat up straight. "Couple of days and I'll be fine." She glanced at Solo, and then looked away.

Watching her, Solo suspected her train of thought had something to do with how unaffected he seemed to be from lifting Chewbacca and explained, "I've been dragging his hide around for years." Nevertheless, he was concerned for her. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine."

Chewbacca almost choked on his food. [This is because of me?] He sounded mortified.

"She was helping me get you out of your suit – " Solo started to explain.

[You had her try to _lift_ me?]

"She _shot_ you. We had to get the suit off and you weren't exactly helping-"

"I'm fine, Chewie," Leia tried to reassure him. "Really."

Chewbacca glared at his partner and barked matter-of-factly, [She'll need therapy on the affected muscles.]

Solo just looked at him.

"What?" Leia asked, looking for Threepio.

[Otherwise she'll be suffering for days,] the Wookiee insisted. [You'll have to do it; I've only got one hand.] Solo's expression turned uncomfortable, and Chewbacca added, [Besides which, I'd probably hurt her.] Solo started to shake his head but, seeing this, the Wookiee growled sharply. [You'd rather see her suffer than help her?]

Solo scowled at him. "You don't understand – "

"What?" Leia asked, understandably irritated at the lack of translation.

[Oh, I understand,] Chewie growled. [Better than you think. But you need to think beyond your desire to mate with her.] Solo's eyes met his like a thunderclap, full of affront and denial. [And don't give me that look. I know how deep your feelings for her run. But she is suffering, and _you_ can help.]

Solo was struggling to work up a response when the princess sighed and asked to be let out from her position between them.

"Leia – " Solo started, but Leia held up her hand to stop him.

"I'm sorry, Han, I just can't do the one-sided conversation today."

[Tell her,] Chewie snapped as she squeezed past Solo.

"No," he muttered tightly under his breath.

[Tell her, or I will!] He watched the princess leave the hold, then glared at his partner and hollered, [Threepio!]

"Chewie..." Solo growled.

[ _Threepio!_ ] The Wookiee looked back at his friend. [I'll tell her you're afraid to ease her suffering – ]

Solo glared at him, hotly affronted. "She won't let me!" he snapped.

[I'll act as chaperone,] Chewie offered snidely. [That way she'll feel safe.] He looked irritably for the protocol droid and bellowed, [ _Talk droid!_ ]

" _Safe_?" Solo hissed.

Threepio hurried towards them from the direction of the cockpit. "Yes, Chewbacca?"

[Come with me,] Chewie barked succinctly and got to his feet to follow the princess.

"Chewie, will you just let it go?" Solo begged. "Please?"

[No,] the Wookiee snapped and walked out of the hold.

Solo hung his head in his hands and wondered what the hell he was going to do now. There was always the chance she would refuse – but Chewie was in a mood to be persistent, he could tell.

Leia was lying on her bunk when Chewie stepped into the open hatchway. She started to sit up, but winced and changed her mind as the pain in her neck and across her left shoulder intensified. The muscles had been steadily tightening all day, and now they felt like one huge knot. She didn't know what Chewbacca thought he could do, but she wished he would just go away. But when Threepio followed him into the room she knew she was in trouble.

Chewbacca moved across to the medbunk and pulled out the medkit. He foraged for a moment, found what he wanted, and put the medkit back. He then left the cabin, reappearing a moment later with a cup of water in his hand. He squatted beside the princess' bunk, rumbled and, holding the cup in the hand bound to his chest, offered her a small pill with the other.

"Princess Leia," Threepio translated. "Chewbacca says that he would like you to take this medication."

"I'm fine – " Leia started to say, but Chewie cut her off and Threepio hurriedly repeated, "Chewbacca says this is not a matter of choice – " The golden droid turned to the tall Wookiee and demanded, "What do you mean 'not a matter of choice'? Just who do you think you are to threaten Her Highness – "

Chewbacca roared fiercely at the droid, who took a step back then hurriedly told the princess, "It's a muscle relaxant."

Leia looked at the Wookiee kneeling beside her bunk. His clear, blue eyes held nothing but concern and a longing for her to trust him. She sighed softly and sat up, took the proffered pill and downed it with the cup of water he had brought. The worst it could do was put her to sleep, she decided, and there was a good chance it would quell the menstrual cramping only just beginning to make itself felt. Chewbacca rumbled happily and produced a heat-pack, which he must have warmed while getting the water. He rested it against her shoulder and Leia closed her eyes at the flood of relief it provided.

"That feels good," she admitted. Chewbacca rumbled gently and she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Chewbacca suggests you lie down, Your Highness," Threepio translated.

Leia nodded and turned onto her stomach, smiling softly as Chewbacca arranged the heat-pack across her shoulders. Despite the heat in the room, the focused warmth from the heat-pack was bliss. Leia closed her eyes and tried to help her muscles relax.

Chewbacca was aware of his friend standing silently in the doorway, watching the proceedings, unable to stay away despite his protestations and undoubtedly envious of his Wookiee partner's freedom to _touch_ the object of his desires. Chewbacca sighed, and in a rumble barely audible to human ears, dismissed the droid.

With squeaking joints that sounded appallingly loud in the quiet cabin, Threepio departed. Chewbacca was afraid he would say something to Solo as he passed him, thereby giving away the Corellian's presence to the recumbent princess, but, although the droid paused to look at the Corellian, he said nothing and kept heading for the cockpit as he had been directed.

As he looked at Solo, Chewbacca could feel the man's yearning for the young woman like a palpable force. He glanced pointedly at her then met his friend's gaze, telling him without words what he thought Solo should do.

Solo stepped reluctantly into the cabin, soundless on his bare feet, and moved to stand beside his friend. He looked down at the princess, chewing his bottom lip in a way he only ever did when he was very nervous, and Chewbacca got to his feet. He watched as Solo gathered himself, forced himself to sit beside her, and removed the heat-pack resting across her shoulders.

The princess turned her head sharply to look at him, and for the moment that he held her gaze Chewbacca could tell she was seriously considering fleeing. That it was only the Wookiee's presence in the room that kept her there. She winced as Solo's hands started kneading her abused muscles, then buried her face in her arm.

"Tell me if I hurt you," Solo said quietly, his attention focused on the feel of the muscles under his fingers. He felt her tense and assured her, "Relax, Leia, it's just a massage."

[I gave her a muscle relaxant,] the Wookiee rumbled softly and Solo nodded, his hands working continuously. He moved one hand down her back, feeling that muscle relax while his other hand tried to encourage a similar response from the tightly bound cords in her neck.

It felt like a long time to Solo, but in reality it was probably only ten minutes before her muscles finally relaxed under his fingers. Leia remained silent the whole time. Solo looked at her face – her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly ajar – and decided she had fallen asleep.

For a moment he indulged himself and simply studied her; brushed a strand of hair from her face and tenderly ran the back of his fingers over the soft curve of her cheek.

[You should tell her how you feel.]

It broke the mood. Solo bridled and his posture stiffened, but he did not look away from the sleeping princess. "And what would that achieve?"

[You would perhaps learn that she feels the same way about you.]

"And what good would that do either of us?" Solo muttered irritably. "If I made love to her, I couldn't leave." He got to his feet. "And I _can't_ stay."

[Who says you can't come back?]

"From Jabba?" Solo looked at his friend and suspected Chewbacca was finally comprehending his fear and regret for the first time. "I'll be lucky if all he does is kill me." He turned and left the cabin, unable to bear the look of pity from his friend, and Chewbacca followed close behind.

...

On the bunk, Leia was unable to quell the tears that slipped from beneath her eyelids. Since Solo had informed her of his need to pay off the Hutt, and particularly since the bounty hunters had started to appear, Leia had always assumed it was Solo's innate irresponsibility that had kept him from paying the crime lord. But, as he had hinted on Hoth and now admitted to Chewbacca, he truly didn't expect to walk away from the Hutt with his life.

Leia felt certain that if it had just been himself and the Wookiee, Solo would have been happy to dodge the Hutt and his bounty hunters for the rest of his life. But, since Ord Mantell, since Fett had made her part of the equation, Solo had been adamant in his determination to pay his debts.

Even if it cost his life.

Struggling to stop herself from sobbing, Leia shifted onto her side and curled into a foetal position.

 _Everything I touch, everything I love dies_.


	3. Chapter 3

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day4

 _He's watching me. I can feel it._

The Wookiee's morning ablutions in the 'fresher next door had awakened her, and probably Han as well. Or perhaps he had been watching her for a while. Leia could feel his eyes on her back almost like a physical touch, and struggled to maintain the illusion that she was still asleep.

 _What's he thinking? Is he just going to stare at my back until I wake up?_

 _Unless you'd rather give him your front to stare at_? the sarcastic part of her suggested. _I'm sure he'd be agreeable._

Leia rolled irritably onto her back, favouring her stiff neck and shoulders, and Solo said softly, "Morning, Leia."

Leia took a deep breath and expelled it through her nose, trying to calm the way her heart fluttered every time he said her name. She turned her head and looked at him. "Morning, Han."

Solo sat up, swinging his legs off his bunk, and rubbed his hands vigorously through his hair. This resulted in its sticking up at all angles and Leia couldn't help smiling.

"What?" he asked as he saw the expression on her face.

"Just enjoying your morning look," she said smugly.

Solo smiled, running a hand through his hair once more, then rasped his fingers on the stubble on his chin. "Think it'll catch on?" he asked.

"A Coruscant favourite," she assured him. "Actually, I think it already is," she added conspiratorially.

Solo grinned appreciatively and got to his feet, stretching expansively. Leia followed the play of muscles under his skin, mesmerised, until she noticed a bulge in the loose shorts he was wearing. She switched her eyes hastily back to his face and flushed a delicate pink as she realised he was quite aware of where her gaze had been focussed, however briefly.

He smiled and stepped over to her bunk, then leaned in and kissed her. The caress was soft and chaste yet suitably lingering.

"What was that for?" Leia asked, regarding him with wary surprise and he halted his retreat.

"You looked like you could use a good kiss," he said, then smiled and sat on her bed. "How're the muscles this morning?"

"A lot better than they would have been, I imagine," she admitted.

"Roll over," he said. "I'll warm them up."

Leia considered his invitation for a moment, then rolled onto her stomach and pulled her hair out of the way. She felt Solo shift closer and all but moaned as his hands made contact with the muscles across her shoulders. His hands were so wonderfully _warm_. She closed her eyes and let herself drift on the sensations his hands evoked.

"You're very good at this," she mumbled, her torso shifting with his manipulations. "Where did you learn?"

She could sense the smug smile on his face as he replied, "Just natural talent, Sweetheart."

"We had a masseuse on staff at home," Leia explained. "You're better than him."

"What are you suggesting?" he asked, and she could hear the laughter in his voice. "That I should sell my services?"

Leia smiled. "Maybe. Supplement the pitiful amount you get from us for freighting." As an afterthought she added, "And taxiing snooty princesses around."

Solo chuckled. "Dodonna'd think I was prostituting myself!"

"Who says he doesn't think that now?" she teased.

"You been spreading rumours about me, Sweetheart?"

"Every chance I get..." she murmured, struggling not to moan at the responses his hands were eliciting from her body. He slid the undershirt she was wearing off one shoulder to give himself greater access to the afflicted area and intensifying the tactile sensations on her skin.

"Oh," she breathed into her pillow, "You're in all the right places...and your hands are so _warm_..."

The undershirt was still restricting his movements and Leia lowered her arms, allowing him to slide it off her other shoulder. This, in effect, trapped her arms and, unable to hold her hair out of the way, Leia lifted her body and pulled her arms out of the undershirt all together. She settled again, pulling her hair away from her shoulders and felt him help. Felt his hand run across and through her hair in a way that could only be described as a caress. Leia shivered, then almost moaned with pleasure as he ran his fingers into her scalp.

She felt her eyes roll back into her head and closed them tightly, glad that Solo couldn't see her face, and wondered distantly, _What am I doing?_

His hands slid back to her shoulders, massaging once more, ranging deliciously across her bare skin. But even when she felt him push the undershirt down to her waist she did not protest. How could she when the feel of his hands was so irresistible?

He concentrated for a time over her kidney area, then moved slowly back up to her shoulders and down her arms. Leia moaned silently into the back of the hand her head was resting on. _What am I doing?_ Then felt herself melt as his hands caressed the length of her arms before moving back to her shoulders. She could feel him leaning over her, smell his distinctive scent, and thought, _He could ask anything of me right now and I would do it._

Solo trailed his fingers up her back and across her scalp and her skin broke out in gooseflesh. He did it again and she shivered.

"The palace masseuse never did anything like this," she stammered, attempting to maintain conversation so she wouldn't forget herself and moan.

"The palace masseuse never made love to you," Han murmured softly beside her ear, and still his hands travelled sensuously across her back.

With a shock Leia realised that was exactly what was happening. He had managed to divest her of her top, with _her_ help, and soon her pants would follow. _But I can't_! she thought frantically. _I'm bleeding_!

"Han, stop," she said and rolled to face him, holding the sheet against her breasts to cover them.

They regarded each other for what seemed an eternity, and Leia longed to lose herself in his eyes. They were brown this morning – a soft, light brown. She wanted to remind him that he had promised not to seduce her, to tell him she had heard his vow to Chewie last evening, but his hovering _maleness_ had thrown her completely.

She sensed his lips descending towards hers, knew she should protest, but was rendered speechless by the anticipation, and this time there was no denying the sensual nature of his kiss.

Leia all but physically jumped as electricity seemed to arc through her body. She reacted naturally, kissing him back, and when he paused to look at her, she halted his retreat by gripping his arm. Han needed little encouragement, and his lips found hers again. Leia tightened her grip on his arm, her other hand clutching the sheet to her breast as her body rewarded her participation with a delicious ebb and flow. The sense of him hovering just above her was extraordinarily erotic and it shocked her to realise how intensely she _wanted_ to feel him lying on top of her.

Her hand was working its way up his arm, and Leia knew that if it reached his neck she would pull him down to her. _I have to stop_ , her conscience wailed. _I told him I didn't want this_! _I_ _ **can't**_ _do this_! Yet her lips and body continued to ignore her. _Stop, stop, stop, stop_!

Then she felt his tongue cross her upper lip and was shocked out of her sudden passion. Sliding her hand to the centre of his chest, she put a physical barrier between them, and he stopped to look at her.

"I'm sorry," she stammered thickly. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"That's your problem," he said, pulling away from her. "You think too much."

Leia was insulted. She watched him pick up his clothes, automatically holding them in front of himself to hide the evidence of his arousal, and then he walked out without looking at her.

Leia exhaled a shuddering breath and rolled onto her side, covering her face with her hands. Her body still ached and her lips still tingled.

...

She spent the morning with Chewbacca and Threepio, and then, to keep herself out of Han's way and so she wouldn't have to ask him for something to do, Leia decided to tackle the circuit boards she hadn't finished microfusing. She was cross with him for kissing her and even crosser with herself for encouraging him. However, it was his remark about her thinking too much that rankled most. Leia couldn't help questioning Solo's taste in women if he had to stick to ones who didn't think. It didn't shed any brilliant lights on his character, either.

She had been working with the microfuser for an hour when the gravity went. Suddenly down was no longer down and a wave of dizziness went through her as the blood in her body seemed to rush to her head as it equalised. Leia shrieked at the sudden change in perspective and hurriedly turned off the microfuser while struggling to stop herself from bouncing into the walls. And watched with impotent fury as the circuits she'd finished and the ones she had yet to do became hopelessly intermingled in mid-air. It would take her _hours_ to sort them again!

" _Han_!" she shrieked.

A minute later Solo 'swam' into the aft hold, looked for her and grinned when he found her on the ceiling

"What're you doing up there, Sweetheart?" he quipped, and dodged a circuit board as it drifted past his head.

His grin infuriated her. "Does anything on this fucking ship work?" she demanded.

Solo's grin soured and he responded, "Your mouth?"

Leia would have hit him if she could have been certain of reaching him. "Why you– "

"What?" he demanded, capturing circuits as they passed him. "Nerfherder? _Scoundrel_?"

Leia steamed and decided she could probably reach him with a well-aimed kick.

"I came to warn you that we were disengaging the gravity for a couple of minutes, but Chewie obviously decided the surprise would be more fun."

" _Fun_?" Leia tried to throw a circuit board at him, but it tumbled lazily towards him instead. "Well, Chewie can – "

Her words degraded to an outraged shriek as the gravity came back on line and they plummeted to the floor amid a rain of flotsam and circuits.

Solo grabbed her and twisted as they fell, hitting the deck with his back and breaking the princess' fall. She crashed against his chest and the combination of impacts left him completely winded.

Leia threw herself off him. "Damn it, Han!" She looked at the mess of circuits and repeated, "Damn it!"

Solo lay, struggling to get breath back, and was aware of her getting to her feet.

Leia kicked at a small tumble of circuits. "I'm not sorting this, Han! You tell Chewie _he_ can sort it!"

"You tell him," Solo croaked.

Challenged, Leia nodded and stormed down the ring corridor.

Unable to miss what promised to be a scene to remember, Solo struggled to his feet and hurried after her.

"Chewie?" she yelled and they both entered the main hold in time to see the Wookiee's feet disappearing into the overhead crawlspace. " _Chewie_!"

[What?] Solo heard his partner bark.

"I am not sorting the mess you've made in the aft hold!" she yelled.

[I wasn't anywhere near the aft hold,] was the response and Leia looked to Solo for a translation.

Solo shrugged. "Says he wasn't anywhere near the aft hold."

Leia stood under the hatch to the crawlspace and glared up at the Wookiee, hands on her hips. "You know what I mean," she told the Wookiee dangerously. "Fifteen boards, Chewie! _Fifteen_! _You_ thought it'd be funny to turn the gravity off – _you_ can sort the boards! I'd finished five and was almost finished with the sixth!"

[Then why hadn't you secured the ones you'd finished?] the Wookiee snapped. [If you hadn't secured them they were probably useless anyway!]

Leia frowned, struggling to translate. "Why did...why did..." She gave up and looked at Solo. "Why did I what?"

"Why hadn't you secured the ones you'd finished," he translated, then called up to the Wookiee himself, sounding resigned, "Because _I_ didn't tell her to."

Leia rolled her eyes dramatically. "The lack of communication on this bucket of bolts is mind blowing! I have _no_ idea how you two idiots make it fly!"

She stalked away and Solo watched her go, then looked up at Chewbacca and shrugged. Chewie grimaced at him and retreated into the crawlspace.

...

Solo went looking for her an hour later and, after a surprisingly extensive search, found her in the gun turret.

"What are you doing up there?" he asked, climbing up the ladder towards her.

The gaze she turned on him was vaguely hostile. "Target practice," she answered. "I just haven't figured out how to get the pictures of you out there."

Solo frowned at her. "What did _I_ do?"

Leia glared at him then turned her seat to face away from him. "Leave me alone, Han."

"This is about this morning, isn't it?" he said, moving into the cramped space with her and sitting on the ladder. As the gravity in the turret was different from the rest of the ship, the sensation of sitting half in, half out confused his senses, making him feeling vaguely nauseous.

"I came here to be _alone_ ," she said, still not looking at him. "I need to think," she added a little less virulently.

"About this morning?"

"Among other things."

"Look, I'm sorry if I frightened you – "

"You didn't frighten me as much as I frightened myself, Han."

That flummoxed him. He had no response for that, and so he kept his mouth shut in the hope that she'd elaborate. Solo hadn't meant for it to happen either, but didn't know how to tell her that without insulting her. He had honestly meant to simply massage her shoulders, but had found himself caressing her as if it were the most natural thing in the galaxy, and it had felt so _right_...

Leia turned and looked at Han finally, wondering if she could admit to him that it wasn't her conscience that had stopped her this morning, but the fact that she was menstruating. No, she decided, it was still too personal.

"I'm sorry," she said, knowing how ineffectual it sounded.

Solo regarded her for a moment, and then asked, "About what happened? Or about what didn't?"

"About... all of it." She looked at her hands and sighed. "I just wish things could be different."

She dared to look at him and sensed he knew exactly what she meant.


	4. Chapter 4

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day7

Evenings were the hardest, Leia decided. That was really the only part of the 'day' when they all sat down together and had to make 'small talk'. She had started her lessons with Chewie two days ago and it was already making life interesting. Not that she could understand what he was saying yet, but there was the odd word she would catch, and Leia found herself listening to the Wookiee constantly, anxious to learn the flow of his language.

The temperature was coming down slowly; today it had hit thirty degrees and Solo had cheered. Danced around the hold like the lunatic he was. But while thirty degrees in the main hold was tolerable, in the bunkroom it was claustrophobic.

So Leia found herself lying on her bunk, on _top_ of her covers _again_ , _trying_ to sleep. The heat had made her blood flow heavier, which was inconvenient, and Leia couldn't imagine what she would have done had the autovalet not been fixed. She had been living in some of Solo's clothes, and they were comfortable, certainly, but twenty hours a day? Leia wiped an irritating trickle of sweat from her throat and then roughly twisted her hair into one thick strand and lifted it away from her neck. _I should plait it_ , she thought, but night was the only relief her scalp had from tight braids and she didn't want to spend the night more uncomfortable than she already was.

Another bead of sweat tickled her throat and she wondered if she could somehow make the floor in the main hold comfortable enough to sleep on. It was ludicrous that they could be suffering such heat in deep space. Ludicrous but typical. Especially considering the frozen hell they'd just left.

Solo had spent last night in the cockpit and Leia suspected he would do the same again tonight. He'd warned her he would be naked so, unless she wanted 'an education' as he had glibly put it, she would be wise to stay away. Leia couldn't help wondering what sort of 'education' he would give her. The thought of being naked was a seductive one. The thought of seeing _him_ naked even more so. And the thought of being naked _with_ him...

Leia rolled onto her stomach, irritated with herself. _Why_ was she thinking these thoughts? She didn't want to get involved with him! Well, that wasn't exactly true, she admitted reluctantly; she knew she _shouldn't_ get involved with him. That getting involved with him would inevitably lead to heartache. And Leia Organa had become extremely proficient at protecting her heart. Had locked it tightly away after Alderaan...

She had laid out the ground rules for Solo and, apart from the massage that had gone a little _awry_ , his behaviour had been exemplary. The last two nights he had kissed her good night – light, non-threatening kisses. Tonight she had successfully avoided the nighttime ritual, but conversely found she missed it. And now her mind kept conjuring _images_... Han had spent the last three days in an old pair of cut-off pants, shirtless. Although she had seen him that way before and always found him attractive, the longing she suddenly had to _touch_ him was almost maddening.

Leia felt reasonably certain that, despite his declaration to Chewbacca, Solo would need very little encouragement to leap into bed with her, and, on a physical level, Leia was finding the idea very tempting. To have it over with, that great unknown, and get on with her life. But that approach seemed so careless, selfish. Could she _use_ Han like that? Or let herself go enough to participate? And on an emotional level? Leia suspected there was more between them than just lust, and that was the truly scary part, and probably why they had been dancing around each other for three years. If they did sleep together, what then? He would still leave and, Leia could admit to herself, she was having a hard enough time dealing with that prospect without the complication of sex.

All her life Leia had been taught to regard sex as something sacred - a gift from the goddess, to be entered into only with love, and usually only in the confines of marriage. And although she had seen enough of other cultures, human and otherwise, to see her religious faith for the mere colloquialism it was, she still found it hard to dismiss. Even masturbation was a guilty pleasure, usually haunted by the spectre of her father, foster mother or aunts, and Leia wondered why she felt so honour-bound to keep up the dead ideals of a non-existent planet?

She sometimes envied Solo his Corellian heritage. _Sometimes_. Most of the time she regarded Corellian attitudes to sex as borderline depravity. But even Luke had had several encounters over the last couple of years, while 'The Princess' continued to cling to her virginity as if it were some sort of talisman. Leia sighed and wondered for whom she was saving herself? The Alliance hierarchy? So that they could continue parading her about as some angelic martyr? It horrified her to think she had accepted the role. Willingly. Sacrificed her youth, her planet and now her humanity...for the Rebellion.

Leia rested her mouth against the back of her hand, realising that _all_ of her life had been lived for someone else. Everything she had done, even her Senate tenure. She had _wanted_ to be there, but it was for the betterment of others. The only thing she could ever remember doing purely for her own enjoyment was flying, a barely tolerated aberration as far as the rest of the Organas were concerned, and the first thing she had given up when she entered politics. But Han was right; it was in her blood. There was nothing she could compare to the freedom of flight. The power, the control, the _speed_.

She sighed and rolled onto her back again, pushing damp strands of hair from her face and considered having a sonic shower. It would give her relief from the interminable sheen of perspiration. For a little while at least. But she didn't have the energy. She heard Solo bid Chewbacca goodnight and move into the 'fresher, and closed her eyes, waiting to see if he would come to the bunkroom or spend another night in the cockpit.

 _Naked_.

The thought of nothing but a cool sheet against her skin was wonderfully seductive and, Leia decided if he didn't come in, she would strip off as well. To her underpants at least - her menstrual cycle precluded removing those. Solo hadn't made any 'smart' remarks about her bleeding; not that she really thought he would. Menstruation was one of those mysterious, women-only things that seemed to inspire universal discomfort in men.

She heard him leave the 'fresher and head back towards the front of the ship, so slid her shorts past her hips then sat up to pull them off. She tossed them to the end of the bunk then set about pulling the undershirt off over her head.

She had it half off, her arms trapped over her head, when the door to the bunkroom opened to reveal Solo. They both froze, their eyes locked for an endless moment, before Han's gaze slid down. To her chest. A 'fate accompli' settled over the princess and she finished removing the undershirt, dropping it with her hands into her lap, then looked at him again. He took a step towards her, his eyes bouncing between her breasts and her face. She watched his larynx bob as he swallowed before abruptly turning and leaving the room.

 _Bastard_ , she thought. Leia threw the undershirt to the end of the bunk, covered herself with the sheet and lay down. _Bastard_.

 _Well, what did you expect him to do_? She asked herself. _Not look?_

 _I expected him not to come in here_.

 _You get the room to yourself for_ _ **one night**_ _and you think it's_ _ **yours**_?

Leia groaned and rolled onto her side.

A moment later the bunkroom door opened again and she froze. Without a word, Solo walked across to his bunk and got in, lay down, pulled the top sheet up to his waist and rolled to face the bulkhead.

Leia stared at the contours of his back in the dim light and thought, _He's going to pretend it didn't happen_.

"Han?" No answer, but she could tell by his breathing that he was still awake. Leia sighed and closed her eyes. _Go to sleep_ , she told herself. _Go to sleep and pretend you're not attracted to him. Pretend that when you wake up your every thought won't revolve around him. Pretend you're in control..._

"'night, Han," she said quietly.

There was no reply and, after a while, Leia closed her eyes.

 _He didn't kiss me tonight..._

"'night, Leia."

Leia's eyes flew open and for a moment she thought she had dreamed it, but her brain assured her she had actually _heard_ the distinctive deep rumble of his voice. She snuggled her face deeper into her pillow and wondered what the next thirty-four days would bring.


	5. Chapter 5

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day10

It was Leia's turn to prepare dinner but Solo had insisted on cooking, and she and Chewie were deeply suspicious of his motives. Therefore, when he called them to dinner and they found the table largely covered in generic spacer flasks, Leia regarded it warily while Chewie gleefully rubbed his hands together.

"What's all that?" Leia asked, surprised to find, on closer inspection, that there _was_ actually food in among the flasks.

"We're celebrating," Solo announced happily.

Leia looked at him and wondered what harebrained idiocy he had thought up this time. "What?"

"One week!" he said grabbing a flask and pouring three cups, two standard sizes and one extra large. He replaced the flask and handed them a cup each, then held his own up and said, "A whole week and we haven't killed each other."

Chewbacca chortled, saluted them with his larger cup, and downed the contents in one swallow. Solo followed his example and Leia examined the contents of her cup suspiciously.

"What is it?"

"Potent!" Solo said, coughing, and Chewbacca laughed.

Leia put her cup down and they both yelled at her. "I don't have to drink it!" she said defensively.

"Sweetheart, we're _celebrating_ ," Solo said, as though he was explaining a difficult concept to a five-year-old. "The aim of the game is to drink as much as we can, have as much fun as we can, and hopefully remember as little as possible in the morning!"

"Oh haaaah!" she said and backed away from the table as though it was contaminated. "I've heard about these little _celebrations_ of yours!"

Solo gave her his innocent surprised look. "You have?"

But Leia wasn't buying. She wagged her finger at him. "I've seen _Luke_ after some of your little _celebrations_. He still hasn't got over the one where you dressed him in drag!"

Solo and Chewbacca traded shocked looks of inspired mortification and looked back at her with total, if feigned, innocence engraved on their faces. Solo pointed speechlessly at himself as if to say ' _Me_?' and Leia almost laughed.

"Yes, _you_!" she insisted. "I _will_ eat the food," she conceded, "but I will _not_ drink."

"Ah," Solo said and put his arm around her shoulders. "But there are rules, you see."

Leia eyed him warily. "Rules?"

"Mmm!" Solo nodded, guiding her towards the table. "Why don't we all sit down and I'll explain them to you?"

"I'm not drinking, Han," Leia said forcefully.

Solo looked from the princess to the cup he had filled for her, and then held up his finger as a delighted look of inspiration flashed across his face. "Back in a minute," he assured her. "Sit, sit, sit." And rushed in the direction of the galley.

Leia sighed and passed her cup to Chewie, who promptly swallowed the contents, and then they both sat at the table. Solo reappeared a moment later and triumphantly placed a small shot glass in front of her.

Chewbacca seemed to think it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen and laughed hugely. Leia looked askance at Solo as he slid in beside her and he struggled to keep a straight face as he explained, lining up the cups one by one. "One for Chewie," he said, then pushed his own up beside the Wookiee's bowl-sized cup. "One for me." Then said with a flourish as he settled Leia's little shot-glass beside his standard sized one, "And one for mini-me!" Even Leia chuckled.

Solo poured her half a glass from the first flask and pushed it towards her. Leia shook her head.

" _I_ made a concession," he said. "Now, it's _your_ turn."

Leia gave him a stony look, but this time he didn't budge. Finally, she sighed and picked up the small glass. One or two wouldn't hurt, she supposed. Girding herself, she downed the contents in one gulp... and thought her head would explode. Solo handed her a large cup of water and she couldn't drink it fast enough.

"All right!" he crowed happily. "Now that the preliminaries are out of the way – "

Leia couldn't even cough, let alone yell at him. "Are you trying to _kill_ me?" she croaked.

Solo cupped her face with one hand and regarded her affectionately. "Now where would be the fun in that?" He turned back to the table, grabbed another flask and proceeded to fill each of the cups again, only half-filling Leia's and beaming at her to make sure she noticed the concession. Leia simply glared.

"Speed is the name of the game," he explained to her as he passed out the cups. "First one to answer doesn't have to drink. Unless they get it wrong of course. Then they have to drink."

"And if you don't answer?" Leia asked sullenly.

Solo grinned. "You have to drink."

"So the only way to not have to drink is to answer first and answer correctly, right?"

"Yup." Solo picked up his cup and looked at both of them. "Ready?"

"Who asks the questions?" Leia wanted to know.

Solo growled, "I _knew_ I forgot something!" Then yelled, "Hey, Goldenrod!"

Threepio had been standing beside the technical station and turned to look at them. "Yes, Captain Solo?"

"Question time, Threepio. You know the drill."

Threepio studied the three of them and managed to look perturbed. "Now, sir?"

Solo rolled his eyes and snapped sarcastically, "No, tin-man, next _week_. Yes, _now_!"

The protocol droid thought for a moment, then asked, "Which Smashball team won the finals this year?"

"Corellian Supernovas!" Solo shouted exuberantly, then turned and grinned at the others.

Chewbacca downed his cup and held it out for refilling while Leia contemplated hers and the rocket fuel that had been in her last glass. Finally, she drank it in one swallow. Expecting the worst, she was pleasantly surprised to find it extremely palatable.

She leaned across to look at the flask. "That was rather nice," she admitted as Solo refilled her glass from a new flask. "What was it?"

"No idea," Solo confessed. "That's the fun of the game, not knowing. That's why they're all in unmarked flasks."

"And, let me guess – half of it's undrinkable?"

Solo grinned. "Wouldn't be fun otherwise." He looked at Threepio. "Next question."

"Which planet is infamous for its human inbreeding?"

"Dubrillion!" Leia shouted, and then looked smugly down her nose at the other two while Threepio pronounced her answer correct.

Chewbacca and Solo downed their drinks and refilled their cups.

"What is the correct biological name for the species commonly known as the Chandrilese vreldt?" Threepio asked.

There was silence. Solo looked askance of Chewie, who shrugged and downed the contents of his cup. Solo looked at Leia.

"Mon Mothma?" she suggested, then tried to feel ashamed of herself.

"That answer is incorrect," Threepio said, but none of them were paying attention.

Solo looked delighted with Leia's suggestion but wagged his finger at her nonetheless. "I'm gonna tell her you said that."

Leia gave him a look that said, _Sure you will, Han_ , and swallowed the contents of her glass. Solo did likewise and then refilled their cups from a different flask.

"Name the actor who played the lead role in the holocine adaptation of _To Die A Hero_ ," said Threepio.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh!" Leia said, waving her hand excitedly, then abruptly switched to a dramatically sexy persona and drawled, "Damoran Reverr." Then, once again looked down her nose at Solo as Threepio pronounced her answer correct.

" _To Die A Hero_?" Solo sounded anything but impressed. " _Please_ don't tell me you're a fan?"

"It's a classic!" Leia protested, leaning back out of his way as he reached across her to fill Chewie's cup.

"Classic drivel," Solo opined.

"You know, I met him once," Leia said.

"Reverr?" Leia nodded and Solo asked, " _Why_? Did he promise to vote for you or something?"

"No, it was when he was trying to get into politics. Got voted in as Councillor for some minor sector on his homeworld and suffered ignominy on Coruscant. He offered to relieve me of the terrible burden of my virginity." She smirked. "His exact words."

"And you were how old?"

"Sixteen."

"Sleaze," Solo growled, and Leia sensed a bit of jealousy.

She smiled and said, "But roguishly handsome in a way that had women falling at his feet."

Solo regarded her with smug pride. "But not you."

"Oh, no," Leia agreed, then teased, "I only like _nice_ men."

Solo's exasperated look only lasted a moment before both of them broke into huge grins.

Chewie barked impatiently and Solo agreed. "All right," he said. "Time to eat." He reached past the sea of flasks to a small stack of bowls and placed one before each of them.

"What is this?" Leia wanted to know. It looked innocuous enough -some sort of dried fruit or vegetable. But with Solo one could never be sure.

Chewbacca answered and Solo laughed and translated, "He said if you knew, you wouldn't eat it."

"Okay..." Leia acquiesced, deciding she probably _didn't_ want to know, and tentatively tried one. Whatever they were, they were heavily salted and entirely palatable.

Solo used the pause in proceedings to put some background music on. A mixture of low-key melodious songs, some of which Leia knew, but a lot she didn't, and she guessed those were the newer ones.

They did another round of questions, most of which Chewie answered, and, to her disgust, Leia only managed to answer one. As a result, she was feeling decidedly relaxed and light-headed.

When Solo brought out the main meal, Leia was surprised at her own voracious appetite and devoured the heavily spiced dish with gusto. And wondered what it was about Corellians and spicy food.

She had almost finished when Solo gasped and both she and Chewie looked at him. "What?" she asked, and then recognised the dreamy, far away look in his eyes; he was reacting to the song that had just started.

"I haven't heard this for years," he murmured.

Leia smiled indulgently, "How long did you say those tapes were missing?"

Solo smiled and admitted, "Years."

He gazed into the middle distance. _Into the past_ , Leia thought. That was where songs always took her, and why she had stopped listening to them. They brought back too many memories.

Solo started singing along, his eyes half closed, as he wallowed in the pleasant familiarity and allowed the music to wash over him. He had a pleasant singing voice, she realised with some surprise, and watched entranced.

Aware of her scrutiny, Solo opened his eyes and smiled at her and, without missing a beat of his song, redirected the words to her. Leia smiled tolerantly, wishing he would have the grace to be a little embarrassed by the mushy lyrics, and feeling a little out of her depth. How the hell was one supposed to act in this sort of situation? They had never covered being _sung_ to in her diplomatic training. Propositioned, courted, even proposals of marriage, but not being serenaded.

Solo got to his feet and held his hand out to her, and she looked from it to him at a total loss as to what he expected of her now.

"Dance with me," he prompted.

Leia shook her head but gave him her hand, feeling obliged and bewildered. "I don't know – " she started, and Solo smiled, pulling her to him.

"Sure you know," he assured her. "What about all those formal functions?"

He turned in time to the music and she followed his lead awkwardly. "That...wasn't this sort of dancing," she murmured self-consciously. "That was...formal." _Proper_.

"Stiff-backed and uncomfortable," was Solo's judgment, and Leia smiled.

"That too."

Solo was singing at her again and Leia didn't know where to look. Solo's grin widened and he swung her to arm's length and back again. She tensed as he pulled her closer and he murmured into her ear, "Relax. _Feel_ the music."

Leia closed her eyes and tried to focus on the music. Not the deep crooning of his voice or the feel of his breath across her ear. Not the warmth of one hand clasping hers, twining their fingers, and the other against her back, warm through the shirt she was wearing. The temptation to simply lose herself in his embrace was so powerful sometimes. He was intoxicating.

The song ended, followed by one with a completely different tempo, and Han and Leia, with unspoken agreement, disengaged and returned to the table.

Two more rounds, and Leia was certain she had never laughed so much in her life. She knew she was drunk – very pleasantly so, but far from senseless. She suspected she was also a little 'stoned'. Solo had put something extra in the food no doubt: berrenigo if her appetite was anything to go by, and she wondered what an introspective Solo would be like.

He and Chewie had taught her every drinking game they could think of, and they had all swapped tall tales and true, but their last tale had left her laughing so hard she could hardly breathe, and had in fact reduced her to tears.

Leia wiped at her eyes as she struggled to stop, glanced at Solo and started laughing afresh through her sobs. But the sobbing wouldn't stop. A wave of grief flooded through her and she covered her face with her hands, seeking to quell it, to return to the laughter of a moment ago. Solo was still laughing and she tried to focus on the sound, desperate to rejoin the party, but felt as if she were suddenly sliding down a long black hole. _Goddess, no_...

...

Looking at the princess laughing beside him, Solo felt certain he had never seen her laugh or relax like she had tonight, and decided that if he achieved nothing else on this erroneous journey, at least he had made her happy – if only for a little while.

She was laughing helplessly into her hands, laughing so hard she was actually _crying_ , and Solo, himself still laughing, reached out to rub her back.

That was when he realised she had stopped laughing.

He frowned and leaned towards her, concerned. "Leia?" And watched in total amazement as she fled in the direction of the cockpit.

Chewbacca watched her go and barked angrily, [What did you do?]

Solo held up his hands in complete bewilderment. "Nothing!"

The Wookiee snarled his disbelief and followed her, calling Threepio to follow him as an afterthought.

...

She was sitting in his chair, sobbing. Chewbacca had never seen the Princess of Alderaan cry. Never. He suspected no one had. And now she was sitting in his chair, weeping as though her heart were breaking, and he couldn't fathom what Han could have said to her to upset her so deeply. Especially when she had seemed so happy only moments ago.

She looked up as he stepped into the cockpit, fearful, Chewbacca suspected, of finding Han in the hatchway, and seemed to relax a little when she realised it was him.

She sniffed and asked, "What do you want?"

[My seat,] Chewbacca responded clearly, knowing she would understand that much of his language. He then waved his hand at the pilot's seat and said, [You can fit in his. I can't.]

The princess regarded Solo's seat as though she thought she might catch something from it, then got to her feet. "That's all right; I'll go."

Chewbacca pointed at Solo's seat and barked sharply, [Sit.]

Leia reluctantly moved across to sit in it and Chewbacca settled into his own, leaving Threepio standing between and just behind them.

[What happened?] he asked. [What did he do?]

"He didn't do _anything_ ," Leia sobbed. "I started crying from laughing and now I can't stop!"

Chewbacca thought about that for a while and decided it suggested unresolved issues. It occurred to him that there was a good chance she had never let herself grieve for the life and family she had lost on that galaxy-changing day three years ago. Never let herself grieve the death of her home world. It would have been too crippling at the time, and she had needed to function to survive. Plus there would have been the lingering pain from her Death Star ordeal, all of which had to be addressed before she could let herself think about Alderaan.

So, in the most efficient way possible, Leia Organa had buried it all to the most hidden corners of her mind. Buried it deep with her feelings. And now the alcohol was letting those feelings out; forcing her to address them.

[Perhaps because you have not let yourself cry,] Chewbacca suggested, irritated with the impersonal nature of having the droid translate.

Leia glared at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

[You want everyone to believe your heart died with Alderaan,] the Wookiee said gently. [That you are nothing but pure efficiency. Have even convinced yourself.]

"Oh, and what _should_ I have done?" she demanded, and Chewbacca sensed she was using her growing outrage to suppress her tears. "Sat blubbering in a corner while someone else figured out how to destroy the Death Star?"

[You need to let yourself _feel_ ,] he told her

"I _am_ feeling," she responded weepily . "That's the problem! And I'm too drunk to be able to stop it!"

[Little princess,] Chewbacca rumbled and ran his hand down her arm. [There is no shame in grief.]

" _Shame_?" Leia looked completely traumatised and her tears sprouted afresh. "Goddess," she exclaimed, surging out of her seat, "you have no idea..."

...

Solo was slumped over the holotable and watched with impotent detachment as Leia fled past him towards the bunkroom and wondered what the hell his first mate could have said to her. He struggled to get to his feet, uncertain whether he should yell at Chewie first or follow the princess. What the hell was wrong with her anyway? How did someone go from laughing and enjoying herself so thoroughly to the depths of despair?

Chewbacca entered the hold and Solo turned to glare at him, noting that the Wookiee looked chagrined but unrepentant. Then suddenly the room seemed to be spinning all around him. Solo groaned. Of all the sithloving times to be drunk out of his mind...

...

Chewbacca settled his unconscious friend on the couch then followed the princess to the bunkroom. The door was shut but he could hear her sobbing. Knowing this was something she would have to work through by herself, Chewbacca returned to give Threepio his instructions before going to bed himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Solo jerked awake and, for a moment, wondered where the hell he was. He locked down his surroundings and the state of calm on the ship, and then tried to get a fix on what he had been doing before falling asleep on the couch. The flasks on the table jogged his memory and he struggled to sit up, holding his head for fear it would fall off.

He could hear the Wookiee snoring in the starboard hold and glanced at his chrono, wondering how long he'd been asleep. He couldn't be sure, but he suspected it was several hours, and wondered what had woken him. He had a vague recollection of a beeping sound, but nothing was beeping now so he decided he must have dreamt it.

He took a deep breath, dragged himself to his feet, and staggered to the 'fresher. Leaning one shoulder against the bulkhead, he emptied his bladder, wincing as half of it missed the mark. He'd have to clean _that_ up before Leia came in here...

Leia.

Solo moved to the basin and, for several long minutes, simply splashed cold water in his face, trying to get his senses back online. He could remember her laughing...could remember her being upset at the end...but couldn't for the life of him remember fighting with her. Still, he must have; why else would she have been upset?

Wiping his face on a towel, Solo regarded his reflection and sighed. What he'd give for a hot water shower right now... He considered a sonic shower, decided it was better than nothing, and started removing his shirt, then changed his mind. Whatever they'd argued about, he wanted to check on Leia before having a shower.

He stepped out of the 'fresher, opened the bunkroom door and was surprised to find the room empty. The ship was so quiet, he'd felt certain she would be in there. Maybe she was in the cockpit.

He detoured through the galley, getting them both a cup of water and gulping at his own as he carried on to the cockpit. Threepio was sitting in the pilot's seat, but there was no sign of Leia. Perturbed, Solo moved into the cockpit proper and asked Threepio where she was. He scanned the board, but everything appeared nominal, and looked at the droid who seemed slow to answer.

The droid had been shut down.

Frowning and starting to feel seriously alarmed, Solo put down the drinks he was carrying and reached around the droid to hit the switch that turned him back on.

Threepio's receptors flickered and glowed, and he turned and looked at Solo.

"Hello, Captain Solo."

"Who turned you off?" Solo demanded.

"Off, sir?"

The droid had no idea he'd been turned off! Solo didn't like this one bit. "Where's Leia?" he demanded.

"Chewbacca said she went to the bunkroom several hours ago, sir."

Solo surged out of the cockpit and stopped at the ring corridor to consider where he would look next. Last time she had made herself scarce he had found her in the upper turret, but a search of both ends of the gunwell proved fruitless. She wasn't in the holds, he even checked the circuitry bay, and shortly found himself standing helplessly outside the bunkroom. Where the hell could she _be_?

Threepio rounded the corner from the main hold and said, "Sir?"

Solo glared at him. "Did you find her?" He swore, if the droid started blathering about anything _other_ than Leia, he would tear him limb from limb himself.

"No, sir," the golden droid admitted. "But while I was doing a systems check I noticed that during the time I was shut down someone activated the port airlock and hatch."

Solo blanched and rushed to the airlock. Surely she wouldn't have gone out? Would she? Would she do something so ludicrously dangerous? He checked in the airlock and his mouth went dry. One EV suit was missing. He immediately yanked his own suit from its hook and started pulling it on.

"Threepio, wake Chewie," he commanded. "Tell him I'm going out."

"But, Captain Solo, what about Princess Leia?"

Solo sealed the body of his suit as he said, "Tell Chewie I think she's gone out – "

"Out, sir? Surely you can't mean – "

"Will you shut up and go tell him?" Solo picked up his helmet and closed the airlock, ignoring the golden droid's cries of dismay as he headed in the direction of the starboard hold.

He sealed his helmet and cycled the airlock, then rode the small platform up through the top hatch, activating his lamp as it opened. He staggered as zero-g took hold and fought down a visous wave of nausea. There were several very good reasons why alcohol was discouraged among spacers and Solo felt like he'd just had personal reminders of all of them. His eyes felt like they were going to fall out of his head and his head felt like it would explode. If Leia was alive out here, Solo vowed he would kill her. If she wasn't...

Solo refused to follow that line of thought, instead he locked his safety-line into place and felt a small amount of relief to find a second one already there. But the relief was quickly replaced with fury, and then he fell out onto the hull and had to spend a moment on his hands and knees fighting his body's impulse to vomit.

As it lessened, Solo got to his feet and picked up her line. At least she'd had enough sense to put a safety-line on, although what had possessed her to come out in the first place was beyond him.

He yanked on the line, unable to see her, and switched on the helmet comm.

" _Leia_?" He deliberately yelled, knowing it would hurt her ears and ignoring the pain in his own, not to mention his head. When she didn't respond, he yelled again. " _Leia_!"

Finally a low voice murmured from the comlink speaker beside his ear, "I'm here, Han."

Despite the fact that he was following her line, Solo asked, "Where?"

"Over by the guns," came the answer inside his helmet.

Solo pointed his lamp in the direction of the central gun turret and moved towards it as quickly as his heavy, magnetic boots and the zero-g would allow. He found her lying on her back in the shadow of the guns and felt torn between overwhelming relief and total outrage.

"Just what the hell were you trying to do?" he demanded, stepping up beside her as she sat up. " _Kill_ yourself?"

"I...I needed to be alone – "

"So alone that you had to deactivate Threepio?"

"He would have told you – "

"Of course he would have told me! _He_ at least can remember EV protocols!"

Leia clambered to her feet. "I just wanted to be alone!"

"I don't think so, _Your Worship_ ," Solo said, deliberately infuriating her and bringing his helmet close enough to hers to be able to see her face. "I think you just might have been planning something a little suicidal."

Leia glared at him. "I would _never –_ "

"No?" he challenged. "Then why didn't you wake me?"

Leia stalked angrily in the direction of the hatch. "I told you! I wanted to be alone!"

"Then go hide in the gun turret!" he snapped, following her. "Lock yourself in the 'fresher! Do you have _any_ comprehension of the sort of speed we're doing? Or the sort of _crap_ that's out here?"

"Don't lecture me, Captain," Leia responded flatly. "I know the drill."

Infuriated, Solo grabbed her arm and swung her to look at him. "Then why the fuck were you _out here_?!" Cross with himself for manhandling her, Solo dropped her arm and stalked ahead of her towards the hatch. "If something had happened to you, you know I'd never forgive myself, don't you?"

Leia watched his back for a moment then muttered, "Oh, great. Just what I need. _More_ guilt."

" _You're_ the one who came out here!" he yelled.

A hostile silence hung between them as they covered the distance to the top hatch. When their safety-lines were retracted, Solo pointed angrily at the open hatch and snapped, "Get on."

Leia stepped onto the small platform and Solo stepped on beside her, watching the outer and inner hull iris shut over their heads as the platform took them down into the ship.

Gravity hit and the urge to vomit reached a level he knew he wouldn't be able to suppress, and he had his helmet off before the oxygen levels in the airlock were adequate. But, he thought happily as he slumped to his knees and vomited onto the floor, at least he hadn't done it in the helmet.

Then he felt her gloved fingers in his hair, stroking his head, and she said quietly, "I did all my vomiting an hour or so ago."

"Well, good for you," he snapped, and vomited again. Finally finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. "Do you have any idea what it's like to do zero-g with a hangover?"

"Not unlike concussion, I've heard."

Leia stepped away and started removing her suit. Looking at her, Solo wondered if she was deliberately trying to remind him of her own concussion seven days prior, and set about unsealing his suit.

The hatch to the ring corridor opened abruptly and Chewbacca bellowed fiercely at them.

Solo flinched, holding his head. "Chewie!"

"Oh, thank goodness you're safe, Princess!" Threepio said as he tried to peer around the Wookiee. "When we heard you'd gone out on the hull, we thought you'd fallen off!"

Leia met the Wookiee's accusing gaze and had the good sense to look abashed. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

[What were you _thinking_?] Solo heard his friend demand and quipped in reply, "I think it's safe to say, _thinking_ didn't come into it."

Leia glared at him and then stormed out of the airlock, pushing past the Wookiee as she did.

Solo was incensed and not about to let her off lightly. "Don't you go storming off like you didn't do anything wrong, Miss High and Mighty!" he yelled, climbing to his feet.

[What did she think she was doing?] Chewbacca asked as Solo shook the last of his suit off.

"She wanted to be _alone_ ," Solo growled sarcastically, and moved to follow her, but changed his mind as he passed his friend. "Chewie," he said in a low voice, and grabbed a handful of fur. "What'd I say? What'd we fight about? I can't remember."

[You didn't,] the Wookiee said.

Solo frowned. "Then what was she crying about?"

Chewbacca studied his friend for a moment and Solo suspected he was deciding whether or not he would divulge the information. [The alcohol lowered her defences,] he answered carefully.

Solo started to shake his head, winced and quickly changed his mind. Lowered her defences? What the hell did that mean?

[You need to take something for your head,] Chewbacca fussed, following his friend toward the 'fresher. [You should not have gone out there.]

"Hey! Why am _I_ getting the lecture?" He glanced at the closed bunkroom door as he passed, then stepped into the 'fresher. He took two millerangin tablets, washing them down with a glass of water, and washed his face again.

He caught sight of the mess he had left on and around the lavatory and groaned at the thought of bending down to clean it. And remembered the mess waiting for him in the airlock...

Chewbacca must have followed his thoughts because he growled hurriedly, [I'll clean up! You have to go to the princess.]

Solo looked at his friend and, for a moment, felt undecided about which was the more onerous duty. Then he simply nodded and headed for the bunkroom. Maybe he could convince her to sleep on it, whatever _it_ was. And tackle whatever it was with a clear head.

He opened the bunkroom door and was greeted with, "Go away, Han." She was sitting on the edge of her bunk, her face hidden by her hands.

"No," he said, and took up position leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest.

"What do you want?"

"An explanation."

"You got me drunk. I did a really stupid thing," she said, then added, "Not that it seemed stupid at the time..."

"Oh, I see, it's all _my_ fault?"

"Get out," she snapped.

"It's _my_ cabin," he reminded her, childishly, " _You_ get out."

Leia glared at him and he could see the tears in her eyes. "Fine," she said tightly and made to leave the room, then paused and added scathingly as she started unbuttoning the shirt she was wearing, "Oh, I suppose you'll want your clothes – "

Solo rested his hand on hers to stop her progress but she jerked away from him and continued. "Leia," he said, and forcibly stopped her hands.

"Let me go!" She tried to wrest her hands out of his grip.

"Leia, stop it."

" _You_ stop it! I just want to be left alone!"

"No you don't."

"How do you know what I want? How _dare_ you presume – "

"I _do_ know you're afraid," he assured her quietly. "Afraid of letting yourself _feel_ – "

...

In the corridor, Chewbacca paused. He had been about to intercede, but Solo's final words had so mirrored his own to the princess that he decided his friend might know what he was doing after all. He halted Threepio's attempt to interfere and ordered him to the cockpit.

...

In the bunkroom, Leia was feeling more than she could cope with. She had come to the horrible conclusion that Solo's accusation of her suicidal leanings was uncomfortably accurate, and that was making her wonder about all the risk-taking she had done since the Death Star. She was already defensive and angry, but Solo's comment about her fear of feeling was too close to the truth and she lashed out.

"You want to know what I'm afraid of, Han?" Her dark eyes met his finally, full of challenge. " _Really_ afraid of?" If this didn't scare him off, nothing would. "I'm afraid of falling in love with you!" There! She'd said it! Her rage callously abandoned her and her shoulders slumped. She looked away, terrified of what she might see in his eyes. "Afraid that I already have."

"That makes two of us."

He said it so quietly, and she was so shattered at her own admission, that it took Leia a moment to register what Solo had said. When it did sink in she looked at him with confused disbelief.

"What?" As he opened his mouth to repeat himself, Leia threw her hands up in exasperation and all but shrieked, "Well, that's just _wonderful_!" Solo closed his mouth and regarded her tightly. "Wonderful!" she repeated and tried to leave the cabin. This was _not_ what he was supposed to say.

"Leia." He put a hand out to stop her and she slapped it away.

"You're supposed to laugh at me!" she yelled.

" _Laugh_ at you?"

"Tell me to snap out of it! Turn the whole – "

"Who tells _me_?" Solo interrupted, quietly.

" _You_?" Leia stormed at him. "You're a _pirate_!" she shouted. "You're supposed to use people and _never_ get involved!"

His words. From Ord Mantell. Words he had flung at her in a final effort to reinforce and secure the crumbling shields between them.

"And you're a _princess_!" he responded hotly, spitting the title at her like it was a curse. "Cold as that planet we just left! You only want people for your cause! For your damned _rebellion_!"

Leia jabbed an accusing finger at him. "All _you_ care about is money!"

"All _you_ care about is the Empire!"

Irrational with a fury she knew stemmed from a fear of feelings she could no longer control, Leia swung to hit him across the face. Solo caught her wrist, pulled her into his embrace, and clamped his lips on hers.

Her initial reaction was outrage, then all her hope, all her desire, all her longing flooded through her and she threw herself wholeheartedly into the kiss. It seared her soul and Leia suspected she would never recover.

Here was an answer to her pain, an analgesic of such potent and addictive qualities that she had avoided its relief for three years. Han was a drug and, like all drugs, inevitably bad for her. But Leia no longer cared. He had pegged her EV sojourn onto the hull as self-destructive, and it had shocked her to realise he was right. So, for the moment, nothing else mattered. Not the Empire, not the Alliance, not the Cloud City of Bespin. All that mattered was Han and that he could make the unending pain go away.

Maybe not forever, but certainly for now.

He backed up to the hatch, taking her with him, hit the panel and it shut with a definitive _whoosh_. Fully aware of where they were and what he had in mind, Leia knew she should baulk. Reconsider, flee. But, in all honesty, she wanted this as much as he did. He paused to look at her and Leia wailed silently, _No_! _Don't stop_! _Don't give me time to think_! And pulled his face back down to hers.

One hand was at the small of her back, keeping her close, while the other was releasing her hair from its loose plait. Leia closed her eyes, wallowing in the feel of his fingers in her hair, her scalp tingling, then clung to him, afraid she would collapse as he worked his way up the outer edge of her ear with not just his lips, but his tongue and teeth as well. He kissed his way down her neck, his mouth lighting small fires of sensation, and she bared her throat to him.

He turned his attention back to her mouth, holding her head firmly with both his hands, his tongue demanding, exploring. Helpless, Leia admitted him, and was shocked at how erotic it felt. Her two previous experiences with this sort of kissing had been nothing short of repulsive and she had seriously wondered what people saw in it. But now, as Han's tongue moved slickly against hers, she found herself responding instinctively.

Han's passion trebled and he deepened the kiss even further. The hands that had been holding her head were now opening her shirt and she sensed a hunger from him that hadn't been there before. Or perhaps it had been too well controlled?

"Han," she encouraged, running her own hands up under his shirt, then gasped softly as she felt his hands encompass her breasts. He brushed her nipples and spikes of pleasure shot through her from her breasts to her groin. "Oh..."

She felt the pants she was wearing, _his_ pants, slide down her legs, and wondered when he had managed to untie them.

 _Goddess_! Leia thought. _This is really happening_! His kisses moved along her collarbone and he slipped the shirt from her shoulders. It pooled at her feet. _He's going to make love to me_! A sobering thought occurred to her, crashing through her sensory fog, and she froze. _I could get pregnant._

"Han," she said thickly, as he divested himself of his shirt and started on his pants. "Han...I think – "

Solo put a finger against her lips, silencing her, and his eyes seemed to pierce her soul.

"Don't think," he said. "For once, Leia, just let it happen."

Leia had never felt so alive, so wonderfully sexual. She wanted this, wanted Han, more than she had wanted anything in her life. She grabbed his face and kissed him ravenously, Solo meeting and matching her ardour. She experienced a whisper of apprehension as she fell back onto the bunk, but forced it down. Yes, the path she was taking was unknown, but when had that stopped her before? How many times had she gone into unknown situations with Han? How many times had he saved her life? Proved his worth, not to mention his devotion? If she could trust him with her life, how could she not trust him with her body? And the truth was, he already had her heart.

He was hovering over her, devouring her with his eyes, and Leia closed her own eyes, feeling vaguely embarrassed by his scrutiny.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured, and shifted to lie beside her on the outer edge of the bunk. _Blocking my retreat_ , was her amused thought. He propped his head up on one forearm, his other hand running exquisite trails all over her body, and Leia smiled.

But it was giving her time to think, and thinking would ruin everything. She pulled him toward her, kissing him passionately. Solo's enthusiasm pressed her back against the bedding, and the feel of his chest against hers, and a hot hardness against her hip, elicited responses from her body she had never thought possible. She revelled in the warmth of his body pressing against her own.

For a long time her world narrowed to the movements of his lips, at once passionate and tender, holding her breath as they left her mouth to trail down her throat to her breasts. Moist kisses around her nipples had her arching her back, all but begging him to touch them, then he ran his tongue across one and she gasped. He moved across to her other breast, ran his tongue teasingly around the nipple before finally closing his mouth over it and sucking. Leia moaned silently, felt a rush of moisture between her legs and shifted her hips as the aching need in her groin became almost unbearable.

 _How does he know_? she thought distractedly and entwined her leg with his. _How can he know more about my body than I do_?

 _Experience_ , her cynical side answered. _He's done this hundreds of times. You're just one more_.

 _No_ , she disagreed, then bit her bottom lip as his mouth moved back to the first breast and sucked delicately on the nipple. _This is different. He loves me._

Leia trembled as she felt his hand travel up the inside of her thigh, vaguely apprehensive of how he would feel about what he found there.

 _He hasn't said that_ , the dark, sensible part of her pointed out. _He hasn't actually said the words. And he's going to leave you! As soon as you get to the rendezvous_. She felt Solo's hand graze the dark curls between her legs and gasped softly. _You're a fool_ , the dark, rational one sneered. _He's going to break your heart_.

 _I don't care_ , she told herself. _We could be dead tomorrow_. _At least I'll have this_ … She felt his hand slide delicately through the folds of her sex and gasped again; heard Han echo it.

 _You'll be sorry_...drifted through her mind but she ignored it, opened her eyes and found him looking at her. _He's pleased_ , she thought, finally identifying the expression on his face while his fingers continued to explore. _Pleased to find everything so...lubricated._

"Leia..." he whispered.

He began to stroke her, and Leia couldn't stop her hips writhing in response.

"Han!" she gasped, and his mouth enveloped hers. He kissed her hungrily, wantonly, manipulating her relentlessly. Waves of pre-orgasmic pleasure rippled through her, and Leia felt her legs fall apart instinctively, allowing him greater access. Solo accepted her invitation, continuing to fondle her as he moved over her, between her legs. Then he removed his hand to lie against her, and the sensation of his pelvis cradled against hers aroused her even more. For a moment he lay there, kissing her, caressing her, and the sensation of his warm hardness brushing against her opening nearly drove Leia wild. She tried to angle her hips, suddenly desperate to have him inside her and, sensing her need, Solo reached down with one hand to direct himself into her. Their eyes locked in wordless agreement as he pushed, each movement of his hips taking him a little farther in until they were joined.

Leia felt her body stretching to accommodate him, felt him throb inside her as her pelvic muscles contracted in direct response. Smiling at him, Leia squeezed again, deliberately this time, and Solo kissed her, moving his hips until he had all but withdrawn, then he pushed into her again and Leia gasped softly. She closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of him withdrawing again, the aching emptiness it left behind, and the exquisite fulfilment as he pushed into her once more. This rhythm was addictive.

"Han," Leia breathed into his ear.

"Leia," he agreed.

 _Goddess_! she thought hazily as he slowly increased their rhythm. _I'm really doing this! With Han. Han inside me, making love to me_ … She kissed his chin, his throat, larynx. _Han._ She looked at him and found him smiling at her. _Ah, goddess, I've wanted to do this for so long...! Something so right, so perfect._ He gently brushed the hair from her face and Leia smiled at him.

She tried to rock with him, to match his rhythm, but only succeeded in foiling it. When she started to apologise, Solo shushed her instead. "Do whatever feels good for you, sweetheart."

Leia let him set the pace again, caressing his sides and his back, encouraging him while at the same time not entirely certain what she should do. She was feeling suddenly and absurdly detached. Not because it wasn't pleasant: it was. Surprisingly so. Leia closed her eyes for a moment to focus on the sensations happening in her groin and Solo's lips moved moistly along her jaw to nibble on her earlobe. _Extremely pleasant_ , she thought, but knew she was nowhere near climaxing.

She felt his head settle against her shoulder, his movements slow to almost nothing, and opened her eyes to look at him. Unsure what had happened but sensing it wasn't over, Leia kissed his temple, running her hand through his hair, and Solo lifted his head to look at her. She smiled inwardly, focusing on the delicious feel of his body pressed against hers and inside hers, and could see in his eyes what they were each unable to put into words, and wondered if it was as evident in her own eyes.

Solo sighed and said softly, "Why did we take so long to do this?"

Leia touched his face, feather-light across the stubble of his beard, pausing to outline the scar on his chin. "Just stubborn, I guess."

He smiled fondly at her for a long moment then, brushing her lips with his, he agreed, "I guess." He shifted his hips and Leia caught her breath at the sudden stimulation, clutching him to her as Solo steadily resumed their previous rhythm. He kissed her ardently, passionately, desperately, and she returned it in kind, the stubble of his beard grazing her chin.

"Leia!" he groaned, speeding up his thrusts, and she could hear the desperation in his voice.

She looked at his face. Perspiration was beading across his forehead and dampening his hair. She could feel a sheen of it across his chest and down his arms. His eyes were closed; his expression one of intense concentration, almost pain, and Leia wondered why she wasn't feeling what Han was obviously feeling. Was there something wrong with her? Or was it the control thing again? Leia suspected it was the latter and wondered why she couldn't let herself go.

Solo pushed harder and a spike of intense pleasure caught her by surprise. She gasped, arching her back, pushing her hips against his, taking him deeper. "Gods!" he exclaimed and thrust into her again. "Oh, Leia... _Leia_!"

Responding to his need, Leia held him tightly, murmuring his name, kissing his neck. Then suddenly he slumped, exhaled a shuddering breath, and pillowed his head on her shoulder.

 _That's it?_ she thought, then berated herself. It wasn't as if she'd never seen an adult holovid; she knew the mechanics. Yet, like a typical virgin, she had expected her first time to be...special. "A climax to light all of Coruscant," as the saying went.

 _Well, it_ _ **was**_ _special_. Leia kissed Han's forehead and ran her fingers through his hair, enjoying the feel of his exhausted weight on top of hers. His eyes were shut and she could feel his heart thumping against her ribcage.

"Leia..." he murmured, still breathing hard.

Leia felt him slide out of her, the fluid that followed and, realising what it must be, remembered what had given her pause at the start. _I could get pregnant_. She stiffened a little, uncomfortable at the thought. Without contraception that was a definite possibility; she had just finished menstruating and was very probably fertile. But Leia decided she was going to be selfish for once; they both needed this time together, consequences be damned.

Just until they got to Bespin...

Solo lifted his head and kissed her lips, softly, tenderly and Leia thought, _He really does care for me_.

"I'm sorry," he murmured and Leia felt a stab of fear.

"For what?" she asked, terrified of his answer. He was so experienced and she was anything but. Had she done something wrong?

"For not waiting for you. For not being able to."

Leia frowned at him, not comprehending, and he rolled off her. She straightened her legs, pulling them together, and felt surprisingly grateful to ease the pressure on her hips. Han propped his head up on one forearm and regarded her apologetically, tracing her hairline with one finger. "You didn't come."

Leia blushed and couldn't meet his gaze. "That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it." She considered for a moment then added, "It was nice."

" _Nice_?"

He sounded so affronted that Leia mentally berated herself. _Great!_ _Now I've insulted him_! "Wasn't it supposed to be nice?" she asked.

"Well, yeah, but..." Solo ran his fingers up her body, making it tingle. "It should be so much more than 'nice.'" He sighed. "I'm sorry; I swore I'd wait. I wanted it to be perfect for you."

Leia rolled towards him and cupped his face with her hand. "I'm the control freak, remember? If you waited for me..." She gave him an embarrassed smirk. "We'd be here 'til we got to Bespin."

Solo's eyebrows shot up and he grinned suggestively. "We _are_ gonna be here 'til we get to Bespin."

"I hope so," Leia said, snuggling into him and he wrapped his arms around her.

Neither of them mentioned _after_ Bespin although both thought it, and regarded each other quietly.

Studying him, Leia found herself unwilling to contemplate the end of their journey. She was distracted by a longing to touch him all over, and ran her hand lightly across his chest. Solo sighed languorously, tightening his arms around her, and Leia smiled.

Oh, the joy of being held! She considered what had just transpired between them, and her smile widened. _We did it!_ she thought, joyously. _**I**_ _did it_. Not for power or prestige, which had been the threat over her head in the Senate, nor for information, which she would have been prepared to do for the Rebellion, and the rape she'd expected at the hands of the Imperials had never happened. No, for probably the first time in her life, Leia Organa had fulfilled her one truly selfish desire and done it for _love_. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, wallowing in a feeling of contentment and drinking in his scent, _their_ scent, and reviewing the experience.

"What are you thinking?" he murmured.

Leia smiled and tightened her embrace, "How nice it was."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead, and she opened her eyes and looked at him. Despite Solo's affront at her description, it _had_ been nice and, Leia suspected, would get better.

"What about you?" she asked.

"I – " He paused then told her truthfully, "I was wondering about Alderaanian customs."

Leia felt inordinately pleased that he would stop to consider her people's sexual mores, and smiled at him. "As compared to promiscuous Corellians?" she teased.

"We're not promiscuous," he said, nuzzling her temple. "Just matter-of-fact. Sex is just another appetite, like sleeping or eating."

"Is that all this was?" Leia asked warily.

"No," he reassured her tenderly. "No, this was much more."

Leia closed her eyes, enjoying the light caress of his fingers across her skin. "Sex is not something Alderaanians take lightly," she said. "It has..." she paused and looked at him, hunting for the right word, "religious significance." Then added, "The goddess and all..." and hoped she wouldn't have to go into it. "It's usually confined to marriage." Suddenly she felt unable to meet his gaze, could feel herself starting to blush, and was cross with herself and her upbringing as she identified her reaction as shame.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he rumbled softly. "I'm proud of you."

That made her look at him. " _Proud_ of me?"

"For letting yourself go. For letting this happen. Don't for one second think I don't appreciate or understand that."

Leia felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes and buried her face against his chest. _I love you, Nerfherder_. Finally, she murmured into his chest, "It feels so right. You. Me. This."

"I know." His hands were drawing lazy patterns on her arms and back.

"What will Chewie say?" she asked quietly.

"Ah, don't worry about the Wook," he assured her. "He's been betting we'd come to this for years."

"Along with the rest of the base?"

Solo smiled, mirroring her reluctant amusement. "I think so, yeah."

Leia reached her arms around him, hugging his neck. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being so stubborn – "

"Hey, I was fighting it as much as you, y'know?"

Leia smiled. "I know. But..."

"But?"

"After this... I feel like we've wasted so much time."

"Yeah," he agreed. He ran his fingers through the silken veil of her hair. "No regrets then?"

She shook her head. "Only that we didn't do it sooner."

Solo smiled and tightened his embrace, feeling wonderfully relaxed and an incredibly deep sense of peace.

They were silent for some time, and he was drifting off to sleep when she whispered, "What if I'm pregnant?"

Solo frowned at her, confused and startled all at once. "What?"

Leia's voice quavered, her mind feeding her fears. "I'm fertile, Han... What if – "

"Relax, Leia," he said gently and ran his hand down her back. "I'm safe."

Leia frowned at him. "Safe?"

"I get an annual shot," he explained, clearing his throat. Leia couldn't hide her look of amazement and Solo chuckled. "Never would have thought me _that_ responsible, eh, princess?"

"I..." Leia nodded. "I'll admit I'm surprised."

He smiled. "Had a scare about ten years ago," he explained. "Thought I'd got a girl pregnant. Been getting an annual shot ever since."

"Oh."

"You okay?" He caressed her face, sensing her struggle to come to terms with the risk she had taken.

Leia nodded. "Just feeling naive and irresponsible." She lifted a hand to his face, feeling the week's worth of beard starting to soften on his jaw, and wondered what he would look like if he let it grow.

"Need a shave," he murmured apologetically.

"Actually, it's surprisingly soft."

He ran his hands down her back and teased, "Just like you, hm?"

Leia sighed. "People just don't appreciate the effort and dedication it takes to be a bitch."

Solo chuckled and regarded her fondly. "I always wanted to see this side of you."

Leia chuckled into his chest and teased, "You'll be telling me you fantasize about me next."

"I do," was the serious response.

Leia's breath caught in her throat. How did one respond to a declaration like that? She felt his hand move under her chin, turning her face to his, and a moment later his lips were caressing her own, powder-soft and warm.

He moved his lips down her neck and added in a whisper, "I've been fantasizing about you for years, Leia."

The movements of his lips set her body tingling again and she snaked an arm around his waist. "Me too," she murmured honestly. "Although I swore I wasn't going to let this happen."

"I know." Solo smiled and took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. Allowing her to see the emotion in his eyes and how ironic he thought it all was. "Neither of us wanted it. We both fought it. And yet it's happened anyway." He ran a thumb across her lips and his own quirked up on one side. "Who knows? It may not be _all_ bad..." He touched her lips softly with his then whispered in her ear, "Tell me what upset you so much."

Leia rolled onto her back and stared at the overhead bulkhead, looking for guidance. Could she tell him? Break her own vow never to tell a soul? Tell him the truth about Alderaan? He deserved to know, the joyless, callous part of her soul opined. Particularly before he committed himself to her in any fashion. But...

"Not now," she said, then assured him, "Later."

Solo nodded. He nuzzled the side of her head and she smiled and snuggled into him. Within minutes Solo's breathing had deepened to a sleep rhythm and Leia pulled back from him a little, taking the opportunity to openly study his body.

 _He really is magnificent_ , she thought, letting her hand lightly trace the ebb and flow of body-hair across his chest, stomach and groin, to his now innocuous-looking penis, smiling as he sighed contentedly. She slid her hand between her own thighs, feeling the sticky residue, and decided to use the 'fresher, reassuring Solo when he sleepily queried her departure.

Too lazy to dress, Leia wrapped the top sheet around herself and stepped out of the bunkroom, only pausing to consider Chewie or Threepio's whereabouts when Chewbacca stuck his head out of the galley to look at her. Leia smiled weakly and averted her eyes, desperately hoping he wouldn't ask questions.

"Mistress Leia," Threepio said, stepping out from behind the Wookiee, and Leia cringed. "Have you seen Captain Solo?"

"Yes, Threepio," she answered hurriedly and palmed open the 'fresher door. "He's tall, dark and rather handsome." She smiled at him and added. "Corellian, I believe."

She stepped in, shut the door behind her, leaned back against it and breathed a sigh of relief. Without a doubt, Chewbacca would know what was going on, and Leia again found herself wondering how the Wookiee would feel about his best friend pairing up with her?

 _Pairing up_? Could she and Han be classified as a couple? A relationship? Leia did not know. Dropping the sheet, Leia relieved herself then washed between her legs. _At least it didn't hurt_ , she thought, then stood and looked at herself in the small mirror as she washed her hands. She didn't look any different, just dishevelled.

Smiling, Leia wrapped the sheet around herself once more and opened the door, and found Chewbacca regarding her smugly, arms crossed over his chest. _Waiting_ for her. He growled a phrase or two, and Leia knew she should have understood, but, for the life of her, could not understand a word. Fortunately, Threepio translated.

"Chewbacca asks if Captain Solo and yourself have finished fighting, your Highness?"

Leia looked at him, vaguely stunned. How could he think otherwise? "I-I think so, Chewie." She smirked and added, "For the moment, anyway." She could see the amusement in the Wookiee's eyes. "But I can't promise..." she finished, heading back to the bunkroom, and heard him chuckle as she shut and locked the door.

Han was snoring, sprawled across the bunk on his back, totally relaxed. _And totally vulnerable_ , she thought, grinning. Indulging herself, Leia started at his feet and trailed her hands leisurely up his body, drinking in every curve. She got distracted at his pelvis and ran her hand across him curiously, surprised at how soft everything felt. Solo took a deep breath and she looked at him. He was still dozing, but Leia suspected he'd wake soon. She looked back at his genitals, made a conscious decision not to be embarrassed, and gently explored. His penis was wonderfully warm and velvety soft, and the memory of how it had felt inside her flushed her with renewed desire.

Solo's breathing changed and he stretched, pulling slightly away from her. Devilishly, Leia grabbed hold, and was rewarded with a direct response. She looked at him, found him watching her, and had to suppress a giggle.

"Having fun, Princess?" he purred languorously and she nodded, testing the suddenly expanding contours with her fingertips. "It's all yours," he chuckled.

Leia gripped him firmly, possessively and he gasped softly. "My new toy?" she said playfully.

"So long as you play nice," he agreed.

Leia ran her hand the full length, amazed at the heat beneath it, and Solo moaned as she tightened her grip exquisitely.

"But what do I _do_ with it?" She pulled her hand sharply down, then slowly up, and Solo's hips moved of their own volition.

He swallowed, and stammered thickly, "Whatever you want..."

A look passed between them then. A deep trust and pledge of commitment, completely unspoken, yet nonetheless binding.

Leia shrugged off the sheet and straddled him, closing her eyes to focus on the delicious feel of him sliding into her, filling her so completely, so perfectly, that she had to feel it again. She raised her pelvis the full length of him, paused for one agonising second, then relaxed down again, gasping at the exquisite sensation of him plunging deep inside her.

She felt his hands encompass her breasts, focus on her nipples, and bit her lower lip as his manipulations sent spikes of pleasure down to mingle with the joy in her groin.

Pull and plunge. Pull and plunge.

Solo moaned and Leia opened her eyes. His head was thrown back, eyes closed, larynx bulging against his throat. A stronger movement of her hips elicited a strangled gasp from him and his hands moved to her waist. It was an amazingly heady experience, realising the power she had over him. And the fact that he trusted her so wholly was equally mind-blowing.

Leia leaned down to kiss his throat and lost her rhythm. Solo grabbed her face, kissing her fiercely, his own hips taking up where she'd left off.

"Look at me, Han," she murmured, suddenly desperate to see his eyes, to swim in their soft, hazel-green depths.

He looked at her and she smiled, sat up again and picked up her tempo. Solo groaned involuntarily and promptly closed his eyes again.

"Look at me," she begged, but he shook his head. "Please?"

He shook his head again, short and sharp. "I can't," he explained, thickly. "You're too much of a turn-on; you'll tip me over the...ah, Leia!"

Leia could not believe the power she was wielding, how much control she had.

"Oh, no, no, no," Solo groaned. "Not yet..." She deliberately sped up. "Leia, no – !"

The desire to give him this, to see and feel him abandon himself to the pleasure she could give him, was overwhelming. "Let it go, Han," she murmured.

"No," he protested distractedly. "I want to wait for you..."

"That's okay-" she started, and then shrieked as he suddenly grabbed her and rolled towards the blind side of the bunk. "What are you _doing_?"

He pulled away from her suddenly, withdrew, and Leia frowned at him, feeling totally confused and a little cheated.

"Han?"

Solo moved back over her, kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheek.

"Han?"

"It's okay, Leia," he whispered, running kisses down her neck. "Trust me."

Leia closed her eyes, enjoying his soft touch. "That's nice," she murmured. He moved from her neck to her collarbone, then down between her breasts. "That's very nice..."

Solo rested his nose against her sternum and sighed, then looked at her. "Do you _ever_ stop analysing?" he asked. Leia pouted and he chuckled. "Stupid question." He kissed his way across her belly, pulling her hips toward the edge of the bunk as he slid off.

She smiled, tickled by the kisses, but still asked, "What're you doing?" Then gasped and sat up as his head moved between her legs and his mouth ran investigation. " _Han_!" she hissed.

"Lie down," he mumbled.

"But – "

He looked up at her and said in words that brooked no argument, "Lie back, close your eyes, and think of..." _Coruscant_ was the usual response, but that was hardly appropriate here. Solo grinned at her and finished, "... _Me_!" Looking very pleased with himself, he prodded the princess gently, but firmly in the shoulder, pushing her back into the bunk.

Feeling more embarrassed than she had ever thought possible, Leia lay back and allowed his exploration to continue. It wasn't that it didn't feel nice; it _did_. Very nice. But, it was just so... _personal_. Genitals went together, but it was all still down _there_. But that was Han's _face_ , and – .Leia gasped as sensation obliterated thought momentarily. What was he _doing_?

She lifted her head. "Han?"

He paused and looked at her, "No more talking!"

"But – "

"No!" He wagged a finger at her. "No more words unless something I do hurts, got it?" She nodded. "Good!"

Leia put her head down and stared up at the bulkhead. She needed to adjust her thinking; this was the problem. She was bogged down with romantic ideals and, when you got to the facts of the matter, there was nothing romantic about sex. It was animalistic, messy and –

She closed her eyes as a deep fire spread upward from her genitals. _Oh... This feels good... Good? It's unbelievable!_ Leia sighed and allowed herself to feel. "Ohhh," she sighed, was rewarded with more vigorous attention from his tongue, and was shocked to hear herself moan. _Did I just moan? Was that me? Oh, goddess! Han. Han is making me feel like this. Han is –_ "Ohhh...Han..."

Leia closed her eyes and let the sensations wash over her. Soon, she could feel her climax building and made a conscious decision to let it happen. It was what Han was aiming for and, anyway, why shouldn't she? Why should she have to feel ashamed by something so –

Leia's eyes flew open. _Goddess! He's putting something inside me! Is that his finger_? With her climax suddenly out of her control, Leia didn't quite know what to do. She pushed against him, felt him suck hard suddenly and gasped at the overwhelming glory of it. _I think...I think...I think I might..._

Leia arched her back, her breath coming in short gasps, and suddenly she was at the edge, waves of pleasure rolling over her. He pushed harder and she bucked reflexively, attempting to pull herself away from an intensity that was too great. Then she felt her entire body shudder, focus on her genitals and convulse.

She moaned as it rippled across her belly, "Oh, Han..."

Solo waited for her trembling to subside then pushed her legs back up onto the bunk, wiped his face on the nearest piece of clothing, and moved over the top of her. She smiled softly at him and Solo beamed.

"You look totally blissed," he said.

Leia managed a halfhearted "Mmm", which broadened to a pleasured "Mmm!" as he buried himself inside her. She closed her eyes, revelling in the exquisite push and pull until, abruptly, he plunged hard and deep.

Leia's half-lidded eyes flew open as hitherto unknown sensation exploded in her belly. "Han – !" she squeaked, and again he plunged. And again. And Leia wondered if she would actually pass out from ecstasy. She tried to hang onto him, to his back, but she needed something with which to anchor herself to the bed. She clawed the bedding beneath her, grasping and ungrasping as Solo took her body to a place it had never been. He was not bringing her to gentle climax this time – this time was hard, fast, relentless, and indescribably powerful.

It crashed through her and she cried out at the intensity.

Solo's thrusting became an uncontrollable need. He had held himself back, determined to make this experience a good one for her, and now his own release was so intense it was almost painful. He grimaced while making the final few thrusts, emptying himself completely into her. Then he collapsed on top of her, still shuddering.

He felt her hands snake up around his torso, stroke his back, and he turned his head and nuzzled the side of her face, kissed her ear. And became aware of a new sound, felt her sobbing beneath him. Appalled with himself for not noticing sooner, Solo lifted his head and looked at her, alarmed.

"Have I hurt you?"

Leia shook her head. "I..." she started, but was having trouble finding her voice. She reached up and touched his face. "I never knew," she whispered, and his eyes softened, the concern in them dissipating. "I had no idea it could be like this..." She wiped roughly at her eyes and sniffed inelegantly. "I'm sorry."

"Leia," Solo said, kissing her tenderly on the lips, then touched his nose to hers. He started to move off her, but she tightened her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips, holding him where he was.

"No, don't," she said quietly.

Solo studied her, taking in every nuance of her beautiful face – her high forehead, the sweep of her cheek, her eyelashes, damp from tears of joy, and her soft lips, swollen from passionate kissing.

"Aren't I heavy?" he asked. Leia nodded but didn't let him go. Solo pillowed his head on her shoulder and sighed blissfully as she ran her fingers through his hair.

For a long while they simply lay, wallowing in the feel of being together, so complete, so perfect. When he felt himself falling asleep, Solo started to move off her, and was surprised to realise he was still inside her. _Gods_ , he thought. _To fall asleep while still inside was every teenage boy's fantasy_! It was something that had never happened to Han, nor anyone he knew – if they were telling the truth. He had dismissed the whole idea as just that – pure fantasy, but here he was falling asleep on the Princess of Alderaan while still inside. He wanted to push himself back in, but felt her tighten around him, which in effect pushed him the rest of the way out. Resigned, he settled onto his side next to her, and Leia turned to snuggle into his embrace.

"I feel so..." Leia smiled blearily and sighed, "... _good_."

Solo eyed her critically and smiled, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction that he was responsible for her current bliss.

"Like a drug..." she murmured, then looked at him wistfully. "Did you drug me?"

Solo smiled and caressed her face, ran his hand through her hair. "No," he answered softly. "It's called endorphins."

Leia closed her eyes, drifting pleasantly on her euphoria. "Does it happen every time?"

"To some degree."

"No wonder people want to do it all the time. I've never felt this good in my life."

He kissed her and she responded sleepily. Feeling wonderfully content and unutterably satisfied, Solo let himself drift off to sleep, his princess in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day11

Solo's groin sounded the alert that finally woke him up. He was aware of something rubbing against him exquisitely, and, as his consciousness surfaced fully, quickly realised Leia was still in his arms. Her head was cushioned on the arm he had under her, her body spooned against his, but it was the subtle movement of her hips shifting against him that had his lower half standing at attention.

 _Leia_.

The memory of making love with her flooded through him, and Solo could have wept.

 _What have I done_? _What have I done_?

He tightened the arms he had around her, closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the top of her head. _This changes everything_. Her breathing changed perceptibly and she shifted her hips again.

The sound of Chewie's not-so-subtle footfalls going past the cabin door caused her to stir, and Solo opened his eyes to look at her. But Leia simply rolled over in his arms, buried her nose against his chest, smiled and settled once more in slumber.

 _Leia_.

The sight of her, the feel of her, the sweet smell of her, were all proof of her reality, but part of him felt sure he must be dreaming. How many times had he dreamed scenarios just like this? Dreamed them so hard they almost felt real. Yet this time those dreams were memories.

Memories of making love with Leia.

The look on her face as she had climaxed beneath him, the mixture of shock, surprise and unbridled joy, was like nothing Solo had ever experienced before. And the thought that the experience had reduced her to tears almost brought tears to his own eyes.

Han Solo seriously wondered what he had done so right to deserve such happiness. And like a blaster bolt to the heart, he remembered Jabba _. I love her,_ he realised. _Love her and I have to leave her. Have to break both our hearts._

 _..._

Leia gently became aware of the warmth of another body enveloping her own. A small movement of her hand recognised form and texture and, although she was still semi-conscious, a slight smile touched her lips. She breathed deeply, oxygenating her brain and filling her senses with his scent and more.

 _Han_.

Her smile broadened, memory flooding in, and she tightened her embrace on him, reaching her hand further around his torso. The arms holding her tightened in a direct response and Leia shifted her body sensuously against his, then opened her eyes to look at her lover.

She met his eyes and he smiled apologetically before closing his and crushing her to him, his lips soft and warm against her forehead. But not before she had seen the tears in his eyes.

"Han?" Concern and alarm made her rigid and she gripped him tighter.

"It's all right," he assured her thickly.

Leia forced herself out of his embrace to look at him fully and Solo wiped roughly at his eyes with one hand. Heart stopping terror gripped her; what would make Han cry? He pulled her back into his embrace, murmuring assurances. Holding her like he would never let her go.

"Han," Leia said carefully. "Talk to me."

Solo closed his eyes and wondered how he could say the words. He could barely comprehend the feeling, let alone verbalise it.

"Please."

She was scared. He could hear it in her voice. Solo knew he had to say something, or she would assume it was something she'd done.

"I..." he started. "I have to...I mean..."

An unbearable chill lanced through the princess. _He's leaving me_! Leia pushed herself up, out of his embrace and leaned across him to look directly into his eyes.

The view of her naked body leaning across his, one breast hanging softly, almost touching him, the other pressed hard against his abdomen, reprioritised Solo's thoughts. This was Leia! The princess! In all her glory. With _him_. He looked at her beautiful face, dark eyes full of question and worry, and smiled.

"I love you," he said gently.

Leia gasped and her eyes widened slightly. Solo couldn't believe the ludicrousness of it all. Here, he'd been stewing for gods knew how long for the best way and time to tell her that, and now, somehow, his body had launched it without any planning or forethought on his part. It had just fallen out.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I was waiting for the right time to say that, but it – "

"Now was the right time."

Solo met the gaze that was regarding him intently. Maybe. Maybe it was.

"That's...that's why you're...upset?" There was trepidation in her voice. She thought he was upset because he loved her.

Solo shook his head and cupped her face with one hand. "No. That was..." He stopped and her eyes screamed, _What_?

 _The thought of never making love to you again_ , his mind answered. _The thought of leaving you, and Jabba making it impossible for me to come back_.

"I don't want to leave you," he murmured, thickly.

"Then don't."

"I have to – "

She pulled away from him, out of his embrace, out of his bed, and sat on the edge, turned slightly away from him, her back a creamy-white expanse draped with the dishevelled dark silk of her hair.

Solo sat up. "You know I have to." He started to run his fingers through her hair, brushing it back from her face, but she flinched away from him. "Leia, he'll kill me." She was rigid, not giving an inch. "Or you and _then_ me," he added pointedly. Some of the stiffness left her back and he persevered. "I couldn't bear it – "

She looked at him sharply. "And you think I can?"

Solo moved to sit behind her, a leg either side of hers, his body enveloping hers. He slid his arms around her waist and held her. "Leia, Fett nearly killed you on Ord Mantell. If I don't pay off Jabba now, sooner or later one of his thugs will get lucky. And I've seen what Jabba does to employees he's no longer happy with."

"I want to come with you," she started to say, and Solo tightened his grip on her.

"It's too dangerous," he said.

"But – "

"No," he said emphatically. "He'll kill you just to get at me."

"I watched everyone I'd ever loved die when Alderaan was destroyed," Leia said wearily. "I thought nothing could make me feel like that again. I hoped..." She sagged a little. "But the thought of losing you..."

Solo held her tightly and kissed the top of her head, then frowned. "You watched?" He felt her stiffen and wondered why he had never considered such a thing before. Of course Vader would have made her watch. "Oh, Leia," he murmured and kissed the back of her neck. "He made you watch, didn't he?"

"Sometimes," she admitted quietly, "on my bad days...he's all I can see. All I can hear."

Her torture. Solo's insides knotted, as they always did whenever he thought about Leia's suffering at the Dark Lord's hands, and he growled, "Vader?"

She shook her head. "Tarkin."

Solo frowned. He knew, as everyone involved in the killing of the Death Star now knew, that Tarkin had been in charge of the monstrosity. But he hadn't known that Tarkin had interrogated her personally. Leaden nausea settled in his stomach at the contemplation of what that particular Imperial might have done to her. Having had the misfortune to serve under the man briefly, Solo was well aware of the Grand Moff's capabilities.

"I didn't know Tarkin was..." Solo paused to consider his words, "involved in your interrogation."

"When they couldn't get me to 'cooperate' by the usual methods, Tarkin had Vader bring me to the observation room."

 _Son of a bitch_ , Solo thought angrily.

"He told me that, unless I told them where the Rebel Base was, he would test the Death Star on Alderaan."

Solo held his breath, suddenly comprehending her grief, the depth of her guilt. The level of torture... The woman's strength was overwhelming.

Leia closed her eyes briefly, but did not look up when she opened them. She swallowed then whispered, "I told them Dantooine. Which wasn't exactly current, but they didn't know that..."

"And they blew it up anyway." The full import of the deception Tarkin had played on her was sinking in.

"Tarkin said that Dantooine was too far away for an effective demonstration."

Solo moaned and loosened his grip on her. So this was what Leia had been carrying around for three years: the conviction that it had been her choice, her _fault_. So guilt-ridden she'd been unable to confide in anyone...

He leaned around to look at her and said sharply, "Leia." She wouldn't look at him and he said again, " _Leia_." Finally she focused on his face and he said, "It wasn't your fault." She looked away, refusing to accept what Solo understood would sound like glib words. But he was not going to let her wear the guilt any longer. " _Leia_. Leia, look at me." After a moment she complied and he said, "Alderaan was in the Death Star's sights before you'd even set foot on that station. It was a huge thorn in the Emperor's side. As far as he was concerned, _Alderaan_ was the Rebel base. Manipulating you with it was an added bonus that might have got them the rest of the rebels. Do you understand? They would have destroyed it anyway."

"He did destroy it anyway."

"Exactly. Leia, Tarkin already had the order to destroy Alderaan; he would not have done it otherwise."

"I know..."

"You know in here," he said tapping her head, "but don't believe it in here." He pointed at her heart. "The fact that you've never told anyone is proof of that."

"Oh, by the way General Dodonna," Leia recited sarcastically, "the reason they destroyed Alderaan is because I wouldn't tell them where the Rebel Base was. Or where the Death Star plans were. But I did get to watch!" She turned her head towards him. "How do you think that would have gone down, Han?"

Solo suddenly remembered the look on her face when General Rieekan had told her that her father and the rest of the Senate had been told she'd been killed in an accident over Tatooine. Shock, sadness and grim acceptance, but for one fleeting moment Solo had seen relief. It had disturbed him enough at the time to file it away for future analysis, and now it was painfully understandable; she'd been relieved to find out that none of them suspected her as the cause of their planet's demise.

"Rieekan would have understood," he said gently.

Leia shook her head emphatically. "I couldn't bear the pity every time he looked at me."

"But to keep something like this to yourself -"

"They know I was forced to watch," Leia admitted. "I had to tell them that much. They just don't know it was because of me."

"Oh, Sweetheart," Solo said caressing her. "It wasn't because of you. It was never about you. If the Death Star plans hadn't passed through your hands, they wouldn't have given you a second glance." He ran kisses along her shoulder. "Tarkin just arranged it so he could get his jollies by causing you as much pain as he could while carrying out his orders."

"Sometimes the pain is unbearable, " Leia whispered.

"So bad you want to die," Solo murmured and felt her take a shuddering breath.

"Sometimes," she whispered.

He could hear the tears in her voice and tightened his embrace, felt her arms tighten over his. There was nothing he could do or say that would make her grief any less, and where once before he might have changed the subject or attempted to rile her to get her mind off it, Solo knew that would only belittle what she was feeling. So he remained silent and held her close.

A thought occurred to him and he stiffened slightly, and then tried to conceal it by caressing her. But the jolt of excitement he'd felt had put him on edge and Leia sensed it.

"What?" she asked.

Resigned to her perceptiveness, Solo smiled and rested his nose against her head. "I want to show you something," he said.

Leia took a deep breath, sitting up straighter, then pressed into him. "I thought you just did," she teased, subtly rocking her hips.

A broad grin plastered itself across Solo's face and his manhood twitched. He leaned around to look at Leia, delighted with her double entendre, and was even more delighted to find her blushing. She wiped hastily at the tears on her cheeks and returned his smile.

"Something _else_ ," Solo said.

Leia removed her hands from his arms and ran them up his thighs. "There's more?" she asked, then slid one hand between them to caress his manhood. Solo inhaled sharply through his nose and hollowed his stomach a little to give her better access.

"But I haven't finished looking at this yet," she purred sultrily over her shoulder.

"By all means..." Solo breathed against her cheek, and then closed his eyes to savour the exquisite sensation of her hand caressing him. He shifted his hands to her breasts, kneading gently, and she arched back against him, moaning softly as his attentions forced her nipples erect. "You have no idea how often I've fantasized about this," he murmured.

Leia smiled softly. "This particularly or us in general?" She slid the heel of her hand firmly up and down his erection, as if to punctuate her question, and a low, guttural groan escaped him.

"All of it," he stammered. He slid one hand from her breast to her groin and felt her tremble, and found himself needing to know if the reality had met any of her fantasies.

"What was your favourite part?" he whispered, nuzzling her. When she didn't answer, he paused to look at her.

"The part where you said you loved me," Leia admitted quietly.

A smile touched Solo's lips then vanished as he regarded her passionately. "I love you," he said.

Leia twisted in his arms to face him and kissed him hungrily. She now had both hands between his legs and Solo was seriously wondering if he'd actually died and gone to heaven. He rolled her back into the bed, marvelling as she opened herself to him and he entered her in one swift movement. _Maybe I_ am _dead_ , he thought. _We were all killed in the asteroid field and we just don't know it. And we're doomed to spend eternity like this._ Solo opened his eyes and looked at her and decided that eternity wouldn't be long enough.

"I love you," he said, and repeated it over and over as he made love to her. "I love you, Leia."

Afterwards, while he was still lying on top of her and inside her, Leia stroked his head where it lay between her breast and her shoulder, and asked quietly, "What's your favourite part?"

Solo ran soft kisses along her jaw and looked at her. "Watching you come," he said. He smiled as she blushed and glanced away, embarrassed. "Your face gets this incredible, awed, overwhelmed look," he explained. "And knowing it's me doing it to you is the biggest turn-on imaginable."

Her eyes met his and he smiled. For a long moment they simply gazed at each other, awash in the gentle peace that had enveloped them both. Then Han felt himself slide out of her, the gush of warm fluid that followed, and smiled apologetically. "Sorry 'bout the mess."

It seemed to stir the princess from her lethargy. She raised one eyebrow at him and smirked. "No, you're not."

Solo grinned, shifted his hips to one side and rolled, taking her with him, settling them comfortably side-by-side. Leia snuggled into him and he caressed her lazily. A thought occurred to him and he murmured suggestively into her hair, "Fancy a shower, Princess?"

She turned her face up to look at him. "A real one?"

He nodded. "One hot shower; what can it hurt?" He kissed her forehead. "I think we deserve it, don't you?"

Leia smiled. "Together?"

"Of course," he said huskily, nuzzling her temple.

"Sounds like fun."

...

As she stepped under the concentrated stream of water, Leia wasn't sure which was more exciting, the sheer physical luxury of a real water shower, or the sheer physical thrill of showering with Han. She closed her eyes and sighed blissfully as the water streamed down through her hair and over her body, taking with it all the aches of muscles learning a new dance, and for a moment decided the shower was the more pleasant of the two. Then Han stepped into the small space with her and she knew she was wrong.

Looking at him, watching the water sluice down his body, Leia thought she'd never seen anything so beautiful. At this proximity, he towered over her and his eyes were the softest green. She watched his chest expand as he filled his lungs, then followed the line to his shoulders and down his arms, then looked up at him, found him watching her.

The small room was filling with steam and taking on an unrealistic feel, and Leia felt vaguely awed and very small all of a sudden.

"You look like a god," she murmured.

A variety of expressions struggled for mastery of Solo's face and she suspected he was fighting an urge to laugh. Leia smiled, looking chagrined at her own foolishness. "I can't believe I said that."

"I can't believe you said that and kept a straight face," he agreed, taking her hands and lacing her fingers with his.

A broad smile broke across the princess' face and was mirrored by the Corellian.

"What sort of god?" he asked huskily.

Leia glanced at his penis then smirked at him. "Fertility god, of course."

Solo grinned, pulling her closer, and Leia found herself wondering what a child of theirs would look like. The thought shocked her. Children of her own had never been a consideration for the young rebel leader, except perhaps as some amorphous possibility in the distant future. And while the thought of falling pregnant to Han had been terrifying, there was a small part of her that found the idea thrilling. Which disturbed her.

"Of course, I'm very glad you're _not_ fertile," she added, more to cement her own feelings than to reassure Han that she had no desire to make him a father.

"Of course," he agreed, running his hands over her body, then teased, "Although the scoundrel part of me kinda likes the idea of getting you back to base pregnant."

Leia glared at him for a moment then quipped, "Marking your territory, Han?"

Solo laughed.

"There are...simpler ways," she said.

"But none quite as effective," he replied churlishly.

"Or permanent."

"Or permanent," he agreed.

Leia used the excuse of getting her head directly under the water flow to turn her back to him, disturbed to think that Han might want to get her pregnant. She considered asking him if his contraception was up to date, but dismissed the idea. He had told her he was safe; questioning him about it would imply distrust on her part.

She concentrated on getting the water through her hair and felt his hands in her hair, trailing the water the entire length then back to her scalp without a word. Leia closed her eyes to savour the sensation. It had been years since anyone other than herself had washed her hair. Not since Alderaan... Leia winced, struggling against the feeling of desolation, refused to let it ruin her enjoyment of Han's ministrations. She had been so tempted to cut it all off back then...

She heard a soft click and stepped out from under the water to see him pouring soap into his palm. He smiled and started massaging it into her scalp.

"Are you sore?" he asked quietly.

Leia was so thoroughly enjoying his ministrations on her scalp that it took a moment for her to figure out what he was talking about. She shook her head. "No." Then, unsure, asked, "Should I be?"

"It's... not uncommon."

Leia frowned uncertainly, wondering if she was abnormal and what the fact that she _wasn't_ sore suggested. Would Han think that maybe she was more experienced than she was letting on? Almost as soon as she'd thought it, Leia dismissed the notion as unworthy of Han. Of course he believed her, nor would he care if he hadn't been her first. No, it was a testimony to Han that she wasn't sore, testimony to his skill and her desire.

His hands had shifted to spreading the soap all over her body and she leaned into him, running her hands up his thighs. The feel of his wet skin against hers, his fingers sliding deliciously across her muscles, was re-igniting the fires of passion in her and she lifted her hand to his neck.

His lips found her temple, nibbled on the edge of her ear, and Leia encouraged him, sliding her fingers through his wet hair and pulling him closer.

The water was cascading heat over both of them, and Leia watched as it made trails of the soap, washing it from her hair and body, collecting and eddying around his ever-moving hands, now on her breasts, now on her hips and thighs. She gasped as one slid smoothly between her legs, shuddered as his fingers found her most sensitive spot and worried at it. Inflamed with a desire for orgasm, Leia clutched at Han, then abruptly turned to face him.

"Your turn," she said to his look of confusion. "But you'll have to kneel down so I can reach your head properly."

Solo chuckled and knelt before her as she reached behind him to fill her palm with soap. "Is this how you treat all your servants, Princess? Demand them to kneel before you?"

Leia smirked and started massaging the soap into his hair. "Only the ones I sleep with."

"And how many is that?" he asked guilelessly, his hands tracing lazily up and down the backs of her legs.

"Actually," she whispered conspiratorially into his ear, "you're my first, and if my father finds out..."

She could see Solo was focused on the breasts dangling tantalisingly in front of him and waited for her words to sink in.

"What?" he asked distractedly, cupping his hands under them, catching the water as it trickled off her nipples. Leia noticed movement below his waist and glanced down. He was only semi-erect, due, she suspected, to the fact that they'd already done it three times.

"If he catches you, he'll castrate you."

Solo looked up at her sharply and Leia could sense his shock at the thought of such a violent act from a supposedly non-violent world. "Was that Alderaanian custom?"

Leia shook her head and struggled not to laugh. "It got your attention though," she said, pushing the soap away from his face as the water rinsed it out of his hair.

Solo grinned and pulled her hard against him, buried his face between her breasts. "I assure you, Sweetheart, you have my undivided attention."

"I'm not so sure," she said, casting a pointed glance at his penis. "It looks worn out."

Solo's affront was instant. "Worn out?" He lurched to his feet and Leia couldn't help laughing at his outrage. "Worn out?" She backed up against the plasteel wall of the shower cubicle as he pressed himself against her and she gasped at how cold it felt on her back. "I'll show you worn out!" he growled.

Leia laughed, pushing hair and water out of her eyes. Despite his protests to the contrary, she knew the appendage pressed hard against her belly was not as turgid as it could be.

"Worn out," she insisted defiantly, then shrieked as her feet left the floor.

He lifted her until their hips were level, then once again pressed up hard against her, using the weight of his body to hold her in place. Leia's arms automatically went round his neck, to stop herself from falling in case he took it into his head to suddenly let her go.

His hands gripped her buttocks as he pushed himself into her then growled into her ear, "Does that feel worn out to you, Sweetheart?"

Leia closed her eyes and buried her face in his neck, momentarily overwhelmed by the stimulation of him pumping into her, then stammered, "I was teasing..."

"I know," he growled between thrusts. "But you made it a matter of honour."

"Remind me never to question your virility again," Leia groaned. The pleasure was sharp but intermittent; the angle wasn't quite right and the stress of holding herself up too distracting to let herself relax enough to really enjoy it. Fortunately, Han did not seem intent on pursuing things. Point made, he let himself slide out of her and returned her to her feet.

Her legs were like jelly and she clung to him.

"You all right?" he asked.

Leia nodded and met his gaze. "Why did you stop?" She suspected he'd sensed her borderline discomfort but he grinned and said, "Saving myself for later."

Leia smirked, cupped him gently with one hand, and said huskily, "I'll look forward to it."

There was a muffled roar from outside the 'fresher and the door _swooshed_ open. Leia shrieked and hid behind Han, while he glared through the transparent shower door at the irate Wookiee who was yelling at him about the amount of water they were using and how much it would stress the recycling unit.

" _Chewie_!" Solo protested, but the Wookiee hadn't finished. He roared at his Corellian friend, gesturing wildly, his language flowing too fast for the princess to follow.

He must have said something unflattering because Solo suddenly looked thoroughly incensed. "Get out!" the Corellian hollered and the Wookiee barked threateningly. "It was _one_ shower!" Solo protested loudly but Leia had understood enough to know that the Wookiee was upset about the time they'd spent in there. She reached past Han and turned the shower off.

"There," Solo snapped. "It's off! Happy?" The Wookiee barked an affirmative and shut the door.

Solo turned to her, his expression apologetic. "It's all right," Leia assured him. "I understand." She ran her hands over his chest, watching her fingers trail through the damp hairs on his chest, then smiled up at him. "It was nice."

"Nice," Solo muttered with amused irritation. He chuckled and hit the switch that activated the dryers.

Leia closed her eyes as the warm air swirled around them inside the shower cubicle, buffeting them gently and lifting her hair. She pulled her hair forward, over her shoulder, and twisted it into a containable rope, allowing the warm air to dry her back. Then she lifted it and held it on top of her head, letting the air circulate under her arms and around her neck. She felt Solo's hands drift up her either side of her body, then along the underside of her arms, and opened her eyes. His touch had raised gooseflesh on her skin. Leia let go of her hair and transferred her hands to his neck, rising up on the balls of her feet to meet his lips in a kiss that was sweetly erotic.

The 'fresher door _swooshed_ open again and Chewbacca barked at them but this time didn't come in.

Solo rolled his eyes and yelled back, "All right! I'm coming!"

That earned him a smart-mouthed comment from the Wookiee, who shut the door before Solo had time to reply. Leia smiled at him and they stepped out of the shower stall.

There was enough room in the 'fresher, between the shower, the head, and the door, for one human to stand comfortably. Two was a definite squeeze, and it was impossible for them not to bump into each other. Solo waited until Leia had the sheet she'd worn to the 'fresher wrapped around herself, then opened the door.

"Be with you in a minute," he told her and headed off towards the main hold. Leia watched him go, amused at the sight of him walking through his ship completely naked. She suspected it was something he did regularly. When he wasn't carrying passengers. Grinning, Leia turned and made her way to the bunkroom, the sheet sweeping the deck behind her.

...

She decided to wear her own corset-like undershirt instead of one of Han's. The garment was figure-hugging and would emphasise her breasts in a way that she was sure Han would find irresistible. Teamed with her own underpants and Han's trousers... Leia grinned and looked at herself in the small mirror on the inside of the cupboard door. She had a nice figure, despite her short stature. And, unlike most women on the thin side of slim, her breasts were quite full. In the three years since Alderaan's destruction, she had become a master at dressing herself down, at hiding a figure that might distract the males of her species from listening to her instructions or, in the case of the Alliance hierarchy, ideas and opinions.

Solo had commented more than once about her hiding her figure, had even offered to buy her a dress on Ord Mantell... But she had refused, citing extravagance but actually terrified of the reasons behind his offer. Terrified by the fact that she _liked_ his attention and _wanted_ to dress like a woman for him, instead of a Rebel Leader.

Now that she knew he loved her, none of those worries were of concern to her any more. Now she could dress like a woman for Han without fear of ridicule or loss of respect.

Leia turned to face the door as it opened, smiling at his state of undress as he entered the room. Solo grinned, his eyes sweeping over her as he took in what she was wearing.

"Nice," he said, moving to a drawer and pulling out some underpants for himself. He pulled them on and Leia found herself appreciating the way they fitted snugly over his hips. The soft material emphasised the smooth roundness of his buttocks, the musculature at the top of his thighs and the bulge in between.

He had stopped dressing and Leia looked at his face to find him grinning at her.

"Like what you see, Princess?"

Leia nodded and admitted, using the word that was swiftly becoming a private joke between them. "Nice."

Solo laughed appreciatively and pulled on his pants.

"Is Chewie very cross?" she asked, separating the wet strands of her hair with her fingers.

Solo shook his head. "Nah. He just needs my expertise."

Leia sat on the bunk to pull on her socks and boots and smirked as she said suggestively, "Don't we all?"

Solo grinned at her then reached into the cupboard and pulled out a shirt. He shrugged it on over his head, and then sauntered over to her as he tucked it into the top of his pants. "Admitting it at last?" he crowed smugly.

Leia settled her foot into her boot and gave him her full attention. Finally she nodded and said softly, "Maybe you need me a little bit too?"

Solo's expression changed dramatically, all humour vanishing from his face. He squatted in front of her, resting his hands on her knees and bringing his eyes to her level.

"So much it terrifies me," he said quietly.

Leia reached out and touched his face, whispered, "I love you." Words she had wanted to say for so long. Too afraid for fear of losing him, even when he had said the words himself. _Everything I touch, everything I love dies._ The fear still gripped her, but her need to say the words, and his need to hear her say them, was greater.

There was a heartfelt look in Solo's eyes as he replied gently, "I know."

His reply struck Leia as funny and she laughed. Solo grinned and asked, "Hungry?"

"Starving!" she said, and they moved together towards the galley.

...

"What do you fancy?" Solo was standing at an open cupboard in the small galley, studying the choice of breakfast foods before him. He glanced over his shoulder at her and grinned. "Apart from me, of course."

Leia let him have that one and smiled. "Something light," she said. "Fruit?"

Solo frowned at the cupboard then opened the chiller unit and peered in. A moment later he crowed, "Aha!" and pulled out two purple conefruit.

"Ooh, yum," Leia agreed, and grabbed two plates.

Conefruit were adored galaxy-wide by humans, but by few other beings, which was why the Wookiee had not yet devoured them. Humans, it seemed, were the only species with the patience (although Chewbacca would have called it stupidity) and dexterity required to get to the sweet flesh hidden beneath sharp prickles and a thick layer of bark-like petals. The petals were a rich purple in colour while the edible flesh inside was a soft pink. They could not be attempted with anything other than fingers, and there was no delicate way to eat them. Among royalty, they were reserved for times of strict privacy. Almost every fertile planet had some sort of industry in the sweet, nutritious fruit, and had done for so long now that the cone-fruit's planet of origin was long forgotten.

Solo placed one on each plate before turning to get them each a glass of water while the princess carried the plates out to the holotable. She sat and studied her fruit for the best point of entry. Avoiding a thorn, Leia wriggled her finger down the inside edge of a petal, then pulled it back with a definitive _crack_. She had just started prying a second one off when Solo joined her. He settled into the acceleration couch beside her and immediately set to work on his own fruit.

Leia snapped off a second petal, then a third. The newly broken inner flesh flooded the space left by the petals with juice and Leia leaned in to suck it out. She broke off another petal and sucked at the inner fruit again, stopping it from running onto her plate. Solo, too, was snapping and slurping and she grinned at him over her fruit.

"Nothing like one of these to pull everyone down to the same level," Solo opined.

Leia couldn't disagree, though it irritated her to think he might be about to have a go at her about her royalty.

"My mother used to say that about childbirth," she said.

Solo snorted into his fruit. "Can't comment about _that_ one," he said.

Leia smiled and snapped off another petal. "Neither can I."

"But _one_ day, Princess..."

The melodramatic tone of doom in Solo's warning pulled Leia's nose out of her fruit and she frowned at him. For the second time he had made her wonder about the validity of his contraception.

"You _were_ telling the truth, weren't you?"

Solo looked up at her, startled. " 'bout what?"

Leia looked at her fruit for a moment then back at Han. "About the contraception," she murmured quietly.

Solo wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and nodded seriously. "Why?"

Leia smiled weakly. "Just making sure you're not about to carry out your threat of getting me back to base pregnant."

Solo shook his head, chuckling. "Last thing I want to do is tie either of us down with something of that magnitude!"

Leia forced herself to smile and said, "Good." But she couldn't help wondering how long it would be before Han felt trapped, despite his declarations of loving her. The thought that he could one day leave her almost brought tears to her eyes. How would she ever go on without him?

"Hey," he said, and Leia buried her nose in her fruit so she wouldn't have to look at him. "I remember the first time I saw you eat one of these."

Leia snapped off another two petals and sucked noisily at her fruit before attempting to bite into it.

"One of the most erotic things I ever saw," he said.

Leia paused halfway through her bite, her teeth still in her fruit, and her eyes slid sideways to look at him. Solo smiled and she sensed embarrassment in his admission.

"It wasn't just me, either. Luke looked like he was gonna burst at any minute."

Leia bit into her fruit and barely tasted the sweet pulp as it slid over her tongue and down her throat. The idea of Luke having erotic feelings towards her... _Don't think about it_ , she told herself tightly. _You've always known he had feelings for you, just don't think about it_!

She swallowed and looked sadly at her fruit. "I'll never be able to eat one of these in public again."

Solo smirked. "I tried to charge admission last time, but Luke wouldn't let me." Leia looked at him, speechless. "Would've made a small fortune, too."

She shook her head. "I don't want to know."

Chewie stepped into the hold and growled at Solo.

"Just let me finish this and I'll be right with you," the Corellian assured him.

Chewbacca pulled a distasteful face at what they were eating and muttered something derogatory about it.

"Hey!" Solo said. "Do I bitch about your diet?"

[All the time!]

Leia looked at Solo in surprised delight and was about to tell him that she'd understood the Wookiee when Chewbacca took a step closer to them and sniffed disdainfully.

[You both reek!] he barked, then stalked out of the hold.

"Did he just say we smelled?" Leia asked sharply.

"He said we _reeked_ ," Solo corrected her.

"Because of the fruit?"

Solo smiled. "No, not because of the fruit." He leaned closer to her and said conspiratorially, "Because of the sex."

"But we just got out of the shower!" Leia said defensively.

"He's a Wookiee," Solo reminded her. "Very acute sense of smell." He smiled at her embarrassment and reassured her. "Don't worry, he'll get over it."

Leia decided her safest option was to change the subject. "What do you want me to do while you're helping Chewie?"

Solo bit into his fruit then wiped the pulp from his lips while he chewed and swallowed. "Chewie sorted those boards you were working on while we were..." He grinned. "...busy. You could give those a go?"

Leia nodded and turned her attention back to her fruit.

Solo finished ahead of her and they could both hear Chewie's curses from the crawlspace near the ramp becoming more colourful. Solo threw her an apologetic look.

"I better go," he said.

Leia nodded and hastily wiped her mouth. "Go." She waved a negative at him as he started to pick up his plate. "Leave that; I'll take care of it."

"You sure?"

"Go," she insisted.

Solo leaned in and kissed her and she could taste the conefruit on his lips and tongue. They both lingered, enjoying the kiss, then Chewie swore again and Solo reluctantly pulled away.

"More later," was Solo's husky promise, and Leia smiled.

She watched him head down the starboard corridor, enjoying the play of muscles under the fabric of his clothes and reviewing the recent view she'd had of him walking down the corridor naked. _He really is magnificent_ , she thought smugly, and busied herself finishing her fruit.

...

Her time in the aft hold seemed to go agonisingly slowly. It was a blessing that Leia really didn't have to think too hard about what she was doing, just find the broken microthreads and reattach them, because all she could think about was Han. Han naked, his body entwined with hers. Inside hers. Who'd have thought it would feel so good?

Her body ached to hold him, to be held by him. Just the sound of his voice as he bantered with the Wookiee filled her with desire. How had she denied this for so long? _Why_ had she denied this for so long? When giving in to what they both wanted was such exquisite bliss? She felt like they had to make up for lost time. _Squandered_ time. And working on the _Falcon_ was just squandering more.

Forty days had seemed like forever. Like a prison sentence with her very soul at risk. Now there were only twenty-eight days left and Leia felt as if they were already on borrowed time.

Anything could happen to them before they got to Bespin. Stuck in sub-space as they were, they were sitting ducks for any opportunistic pirates who might stumble across them, not to mention Imperials. And, as for after Bespin... the Rebellion hung like a sword over her head. The thought of going back to her life as a Rebel leader and carrying on as though nothing had changed... of saying goodbye to Han as he left to face Jabba the Hutt alone and pretending she wasn't affected – thoughts like those were crippling.

Leia sighed and corrected another break, wishing the rest of the galaxy would just go away and leave them alone.

...

Solo stepped into the aft hold and was struck by the similarity of the scene before him to that of just over a week ago. The brilliant light of the microfuser throwing the shape of the princess into sharp relief. The difference this time being that he was allowed to act on his desire to touch her.

He waited until she had finished with the 'fuser and was leaning over the board examining her work, then stepped up behind her and ran his hands sensually around her waist. Leia caught her breath, removed the goggles she was wearing and leaned into him.

"Hey," he murmured, feasting on the soft flesh of her neck, dimly noting that she had plaited her hair.

"Hey," she agreed huskily.

"Miss me?"

"You have no idea."

Solo smiled and Leia turned to face him. There was a brief moment of mutual joy and anticipation, and then they were kissing hungrily.

"Chewie's fixing lunch..." Solo mumbled.

"Mm hm," Leia acknowledged and ran her hand firmly across the front of his trousers.

Solo sighed, revelling in her touch, then took her hand and retreated with her to the bunkroom. They were undressing each other before the door had closed.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he mumbled into her neck.

"I stopped thinking as soon as you touched me," she stammered.

That made him smile. "Liar," he assured her, "you never stop."

"You've left me incapable of rational thought," she croaked, and then gasped as his hands encompassed her breasts and he took his mouth to her nipples.

The hours apart had intensified their lust for each other to the point where neither could wait, and their bodies joined in frenzied passion. Solo knew for certain that he had never felt anything like it. Lovemaking with Leia, so intricately woven with emotion, was something he knew he would never be able to describe to anyone. He could barely comprehend it himself.

He heard her whimper and looked at her, sensing she was about to climax. Her eyes were shut tight and her bottom lip was caught between her teeth. Her hair was spilling across the pillows and Solo felt a sense of unreality settle over him. _Leia_ , he thought, unable to arrange his thoughts into anything resembling cohesive order, let alone put words together. _Leia._

As if she had heard him, Leia opened her eyes and gazed wordlessly into his. A gaze that seemed to draw him in even deeper. A gaze that spoke nothing but love and complete trust. Overwhelmed by the depth of feeling between them, Solo felt his body fall into rhythm with hers without any conscious direction on his part. Spiralling towards culmination until orgasm gripped him, casting him helplessly into her body as she climaxed beneath him, drawing him in even further. Drawing him in until he seemed to fuse with her, body and soul.

For a long moment he seemed to wallow within her, unable to define where she ended and he began. Then the feeling faded, diffusing gently while each of them caught their breath.

Solo regarded the girl beneath him with awe, and found her looking just as stunned. He tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. Finally he cleared his throat and stammered, "Did...did you feel – ?"

Leia nodded.

"What was – ?"

"I could feel you." Leia's eyes searched his. "Like I _was_ you... Like we were – "

"One."

Leia nodded and Solo tried to wrap his brain around a concept he had always considered mythical. Was that what he had just experienced? The edges had definitely blurred there for a moment. For more than a moment. Several heartbeats at least. Several heartbeats in which he had been unable to distinguish his own being from hers. Several heartbeats in which he had seemed to swim in her consciousness, had felt her being as his own, seen her desires, her dreams, and knew she had seen and felt as much of him.

It should have terrified him, but the only emotion he could honestly identify was joy. Unbridled, unparalleled joy. Solo gazed at her for a long moment, unable to put into words what he was feeling.

Leia found them for him. "I love you," she whispered.

Overcome, he kissed her, letting himself drown in sensations and feelings he had denied for too long. And wondered how he could have ever contemplated not loving her.

...

Chewbacca gave them a knowing look as they joined him at the holotable for lunch. Leia did her best to ignore him, but Solo grinned broadly and smugly.

After lunch Solo took her to the lower gun turret, promising to show her something. Leia suspected that "something" would culminate in sex but humoured him, more than happy to play along while they both had the freedom to do so.

Solo settled into the seat while Leia squeezed in beside it, keeping one hand on Solo until she became acclimated to the change in gravity. He activated the board and concentrated on bringing something in particular online, answering her questions with a smug "wait and see."

"Got this about eight years ago," he said finally. "A 'client' I did a job for ended up being unable to pay...fobbed this off on me instead. I didn't want it – was ready to shoot him I was so angry, but Chewie took a fancy to it. I couldn't think of anything more useless at the time and refused to help him connect it up. But Chewie did it and spent hours playing with it. I've used it a few times since and it's actually quite interesting."

The small tactical screen came to life and Leia leaned closer to see it properly. "What is it?"

A maelstrom of stars came into focus as Solo adjusted it and he said, "A telescope."

Leia frowned. "A what?"

"A telescope. An old-fashioned, electronically enhanced telescope."

Leia was amazed. "Sub-light?"

"Uh huh." Solo fine-tuned the focus and a single sun filled the screen. It was a standard yellow sun, like millions of others in the galaxy. He shifted the focus slightly and zoomed in on a blue-green planet orbiting the yellow sun. The atmosphere was awash with white clouds, and artificial satellites and space traffic could be seen as tiny specks moving around it.

Leia gave a choked gasp as she recognised the planet and gripped his arm hard. Solo pulled her, trembling, into his lap and whispered apologetically, "That's the biggest magnification I can get."

"Oh, goddess," Leia stammered. She reached out and touched the small screen. "Alderaan..."

"Looking back almost a thousand years," Solo said quietly.

"Start of the Republic," Leia murmured, tracing the outline of a major landmass with her finger. She understood that it was their distance from the planet that allowed her to see it thus, that the light reflected from Alderaan a thousand years ago was only reaching the Anoat system now. But it looked so close, as if she could fly there herself. If only she could warn them somehow... But a subspace message to Alderaan would take a thousand years to get there, and a standard hyperspace message would find nothing but asteroids, the remains of a destroyed planet.

She couldn't stop the tears, didn't even try. Just wept softly while Solo simply held her.

She was very subdued for the rest of the day and, when they finally went to bed, there was a poignancy to their lovemaking. Leia, for her part, found herself considering their past. The friends and relatives to whom she would never be able to introduce Han – the people he would never meet. Would he be proud or ashamed of her? She suspected Solo would ask the same question of her.

Leia had to admit to a level of awkwardness when it came to considering the general reaction to two so socially different people trying to make a match. But that was only in the real universe. Here, where there was only Han and herself, none of that false imagery mattered and Leia found herself wishing they didn't have to go back. For a moment she span a little fantasy in which they deliberately lost themselves somewhere on the Rim. Let both the Alliance and Empire think they had been killed. Hadn't she suffered enough already? Given enough for her cause? Her childhood, her youth, her family, her entire planet...Would she have to sacrifice Han too?

Leia tightened her grip on his sleeping form and vowed she would never give him up.

...

She was in her cell on the Death Star and that confused her. Vader had tortured her here, but Luke and Han had rescued her, had destroyed the Death Star... Why was she here?

The door opened and Vader stepped down into her cell. Leia cringed. _I'm dreaming_ , she told herself. _This happened a long time ago. I can wake up._ Vader grabbed her by the upper arm and dragged her from the cell. Taking her to watch Tarkin destroy her homeworld.

She could hear someone screaming as she traversed the corridor to the observation room. Screaming under torture. A man. _That's different_ , she thought, wincing as his wails became desperate. _He wasn't there last time_.

Tarkin turned towards her as she entered, obscuring her view of Alderaan, and with a shock she realised her father was standing beside him. Bargaining for her release? He looked far from happy. She opened her mouth to call to him, but he turned away to look at the screaming man. Leia followed his gaze and felt her heart lodge in her throat.

It was Han.

Han screaming in agony on a scan grid. Beside him stood the bounty hunter from Ord Mantell and, as she watched, Han's scream faded as he lapsed into unconsciousness. Unconsciousness or death. The bounty hunter turned to Vader, affront evident in his body language despite the Mandelorian armour he wore.

Vader waved his hand dismissively and said, "The Empire will compensate you if he dies."

Leia took a step towards Han and was immediately jerked back. She turned angrily, shocked to find not the Dark Lord but her father pulling her away from Han.

"Wasn't Alderaan enough for you?" he asked accusingly.

"Proceed with the operation," she heard Tarkin say.

"No," she murmured. She had lived through this scenario too many times now. Fighting was useless. Alderaan was doomed, and nothing she said or did would make any difference. Her father was regarding her with a mixture of pity and condemnation while, behind him, Alderaan blossomed into a cataclysm of fire and rubble.

Leia moved to Han, slumped against the straps of the scan grid. Intimately acquainted with the sort of pain the device could provide, Leia gently lifted his head, her fingers lovingly caressing the features she had come to know so well.

Han opened his eyes and she was surprised to see that they were blue, not green. Leia frowned and looked at his face again, realising with shock that it was Luke, not Han.

"Where's Han?" she demanded. She looked around the room at the Imperials, her father, and lastly at the bounty hunter. "What did you do to Han?"

"Leia," Luke croaked and she frowned at him. There were abrasions on his face that hadn't been there a moment ago. "Do you think your mother would have approved?" he asked in Bail Organa's voice.

Leia took a step back. Approved of what? Han? She looked convulsively at her father and found him muttering conspiratorially with Vader. They both looked at her and shook their heads.

"Silly girl," Tarkin said vindictively. "Don't you remember? You killed him." Leia started to shake her head and Tarkin twisted the knife. "Just like Alderaan." Leia gasped and backed away. Tarkin smiled cruelly. "I really must speak to the Emperor about you. You have a higher kill count than me."

...

Leia was whimpering. Writhing against him and whimpering. _Bad dream_ , Solo thought and pulled her into his arms. He murmured reassurances into her ear and for a moment it seemed to help. She quietened and relaxed.

He had dozed off again when she started screaming. Confused and sleep befuddled, he tried to hold her but she threw herself from him and fell out of the bunk. He looked over the edge of the bed at her. Leia was sobbing inconsolably.

"Leia?" Solo threw back the covers and swung his legs out of the bed, and then leaned down to help her as she sat up. She seemed to be awake finally. "Sweetheart?" Leia looked at him and sobbed as he drew her towards him. "Oh, Leia," he soothed, lying down with her in his arms and caressing her head. "It was a dream. Just a dream."

"Han." It was almost a primal grunt.

"Shhh," he insisted. "Shhh."

"I thought I'd killed you," she whispered.

Solo ran a series of kisses around her face. "Was a dream, Sweetheart."

"They were torturing you – "

A fresh wave of sobbing overtook her and Solo rocked her gently. He had a good idea what demons were haunting her and wished there were some way for him to exorcise them for her.

"I'm here, Leia," he crooned. "I'm safe. You're safe."

"Han..." She clutched convulsively at his chest. "Han."

"I know, I know. Shhh."

She was shivering despite the warmth of his body and the bed. The dream had been bad enough to send her into shock. A ripple of hate washed through him, aimed at the monsters who had reduced her to this.

"Shhh," he murmured reassuringly. "Shhh."

Her shivering lessened slowly and her sobbing ebbed to a gentle weeping while Solo held and caressed her, murmuring words of comfort. Finally she fell asleep, but Solo found himself unable to do likewise, haunted by the depth of Leia's trauma. Carrying the guilt of her planet's demise...and so young...

He wondered if he would have coped as well in her position, at her age. At her age he was being court-martialled and thrown out of the Imperial Navy... Han sighed. And his response to that had been to run away. Just as he had at fourteen when his father had insisted on moving to Coruscant. Even his avoidance of Jabba for the last three years had been a form of running away. Always running from responsibility.

And now he was being offered the chance to run again. Leave to pay Jabba and run from Jabba and the Rebellion at the same time. Make a life for himself and Chewie out on the Rim. But the thought of a day without Leia...

He fantasized about taking her with him, smiled as he considered the formidable team they would make; the rebel princess, the smuggler and the Wookiee. A life on the Rim was an appealing thought; to take Leia as far away from Vader and the Empire as he possibly could. Leia deserved more than a life of smuggling, but was it really any more pointless or wasteful than a life spent at war? Particularly this war. Solo caressed her sleeping form lightly, and knew that if he voiced such an opinion to her, he'd earn himself a royal battle.

But could she expect him to give up his life with Chewie and the _Falcon_ any more than he could expect her to give up the Rebellion? What would he do while she played politics? How could he watch her go on missions he knew she might not return from? As if the debacles on Commenor or Ord Mantell hadn't been bad enough, the thought of losing her, of being unable to keep her safe forever, almost crippled him.

Solo kissed the top of her head and she murmured softly in her sleep, snuggled deeper against his chest.

He would watch her leave the same way she would have to watch him leave to pay Jabba, he answered himself. With his heart in his throat until she was home safe. And he would insist on accompanying her whenever and wherever possible. Even if it meant joining her damned Rebellion.


	8. Chapter 8

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day12

The first thing Leia became conscious of was Solo's snoring. She couldn't just hear it; she could feel it rumbling deep in his chest. Her head was resting between his shoulder and breast, rising and falling with each breath he took and, despite feeling stiff from sleeping in one position for so long, she was loath to leave the comfort of his embrace.

She could still feel the echoes of her dream, the despair and desolation, and felt completely wrung out. Why had the nightmares come to haunt her here? The _Falcon_ had always been such a haven against them. What had changed?

Seeing 'old' Alderaan probably hadn't helped, but she suspected the change had more to do with her emotional involvement with Han. Granting the Corellian physical entrance to her body was one thing. Easy and desirable. Allowing him emotional entrance was something else entirely. Something she appeared to have completely lost control over. Her inability to curb her tears in front of him had embarrassed her, and was indicative of her loss of control. But, despite spending the last three years employing every tactic she could think of to stop herself from falling in love with him, here she was, in his bed, loving him with every fibre of her being.

And not regretting a minute of it.

Instead, she regretted the three years. Yet, knowing Han and herself, wondered if it could have happened any sooner? She had seen the same look in his eyes during their ill-fated mission to Coruscant over two years ago. Had felt the answering pull toward him in herself. And then there was the fiasco of Ord Mantell, the memory of which brought nothing but pain. With the luxury of hindsight, Leia could see that the viciousness of their arguments at the time had been a last-ditch attempt by both of them to negate their overwhelming attraction to each other. But it had been so hurtful. She had truly hated him for a while...

She shifted away from Solo a little so she could look at his face. He stirred and rolled onto his back, and the volume of his snoring increased dramatically. Leia smiled, affectionately amused. And she'd assumed he couldn't be obnoxious in bed?

She gazed at his profile, memorising every line, every curve. His deliciously full lips, slightly parted in sleep, begged to be touched, and she ran a feather-light caress across them. This was met by a sharp intake of breath from Solo and he turned his head fractionally away from her, licking his lips before settling into a regular snoring pattern once more.

She wondered what her father would have thought of her involvement with Han. Would he have been disappointed in her? Leia hoped not. She suspected Bail Organa would have liked the Corellian once he'd got to know him. Bail would have seen through the 'scoundrel' persona just as Rieekan had. Seen through to the loyal heart the 'scoundrel' tried so hard to hide.

Leia ran her fingers through the hairs on his sternum to settle her hand over his heart, enjoying the reassuringly regular _lub-dub_ reverberating through his chest. She laid her head against his breast, listening, and absently circled a nipple with her finger. It distracted her from her train of thought, and she wondered if Han's nipples were as sensitive as her own. Leia tested the one closest to her mouth with her tongue. It hardened at her caress and she smiled. She allowed her hand to travel down his body, enjoying the soft warmth of his skin and, as she explored further, was surprised to find him turgid. Delighted, she wondered, _Even in his sleep_? She gripped him firmly, sensuously, and again he stopped snoring. He was wonderfully firm, and Leia, unwilling to waste it, wondered how he'd feel about her...jumping on.

His breathing changed and she sensed he would wake soon. She propped herself up on one elbow to look at him, could see his eyes moving behind their lids, and wondered what he was dreaming about.

Looking down his body, Leia could see the tented shape of the bedclothes and the movement underneath that was her hand. Wanting to see what she could feel, she kicked the covers off, ignoring the cooler air against her skin.

The sleep had done him good, obviously, because he was spectacular this morning, and it amazed her to think that it was _her_ hand caressing him. A week ago she would no more have considered touching him like this than she would have given Vader the plans to the Death Star. Well, she thought honestly, that wasn't entirely true. She had thought about touching Han or, more to the point, about being touched _by_ Han, but had been telling herself for three years what a bad idea it would be.

Solo moaned her name in his sleep and Leia grinned, delighted to realise he was dreaming about her.

This was anything _but_ a bad idea, she decided. In fact, this was probably one of the best decisions she had made in her life. Sitting up, Leia stroked him wantonly, caressing his entire genital region with both hands. Solo's hips thrust upward in response and for a moment Leia wondered if she should try going down on him. She had seen it done in the few porn holovids she had managed to watch, despite her father's careful censorship of her viewing. It had always seemed ludicrous to her that her father would allow her to see and even witness all sorts of horror and bloodshed, while shielding her from something as basic as human sexuality. So, alone in her apartment as a new senator on Coruscant, Leia had decided to educate herself. She understood implicitly that there was no love involved. That was not the point of the holos. Their point was erotic titillation and, as such, she couldn't help but regard them as basically harmless.

From what she had heard, oral gratification was something men desired above all else, but would she feel comfortable doing it? _Get a grip, Organa_ , she told herself. _This is Han! How terrible can it be_?

Taking her courage in one hand and his penis in the other, she leaned over him and tentatively ran her tongue around the business end. It was smooth, warm, and didn't taste repulsive. Encouraged, Leia took the entire head into her mouth and felt Solo jerk beneath her.

She heard him gasp, "Leia!" and looked up at him but did not stop what she was doing with her mouth.

"What are you doing?" he croaked.

Leia paused and tried not to laugh. "What does it look like I'm doing?" Again she took him into her mouth as far as she could, her tongue working the sensitive skin just under the head.

Solo gripped the sheet beneath him and exclaimed, "Gods!"

"Shhh," she admonished. "Lie back and think of Coruscant."

She shifted around to kneel between his legs, never stopping the ministrations of her lips and tongue, lifted her eyes to watch as he all but swooned. She had thought she had power over him before, but here, right now, he was completely helpless beneath her.

Leia felt a rush of love for the man writhing under her ministrations. Grateful beyond words that he had waited for her, persevered, and been the one to teach her these arts. Had seen through her protests and sith-headedness and loved her despite herself.

She tasted salt and paused to examine the object of her attentions, tested the tacky secretion at its tip with her thumb. Solo's head jerked up and he asked hastily, "What's wrong?"

Leia smiled reassuringly. "Nothing," she said, and attacked him more vigorously. Solo all but cried out. Leia sensed he was very close to the edge and, using something she had learned from the pornographic holos, rolled her knuckles across his perineum. Solo jerked and grabbed her head with both hands, pulled her up his body to kiss her passionately. Leia straddled him, groaning past his tongue as he slid into her. For a moment they paused, noses touching, breath mingling.

"I never want this to end," Leia whispered.

"Me either."

"Never want to get to Bespin."

Solo shook his head minutely and agreed, "No."

"Just us, like this, forever."

"Forever," Solo agreed, breathlessly, and they both submerged themselves in passion.

...

Leia looked across at the hatch as it opened and Solo hurried in. Despite being as naked as she was, he was carrying a box that he set down beside the bed. Leia sat up, cross-legged, and leaned her elbows on her knees.

"Did Chewie see you?" she asked as he sat on the bed. Solo shook his head and she added, "Where was he?"

"Cockpit, I think." He reached into the box, pulled out a flask and handed it to her. "That's where all the noise was coming from."

"Noise?" Leia asked, watching with anticipation as he produced two prepackaged meals and set them on the bed between them. Judging by the aroma he must have heated them, and her stomach rumbled in anticipation.

Solo grinned. "I think he was yelling at Threepio."

"Poor Threepio," Leia said sympathetically, then opened the flask and sniffed at the contents. "What's this?" she asked.

Solo had unloaded several more packages and he looked up at her and smiled. "Remember that drink you liked the other night? During the drinking game?" Leia nodded. "I took the liberty of marking the flask."

He looked so delighted with himself, Leia couldn't help chuckling. She peered into the box. "And the cups are...?"

Solo looked into the box, scowled then smiled apologetically at her. "I forgot the cups." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her and asked, "What's a little spit between friends?"

Leia blushed and sniffed at the flask again. Indeed, compared to the amount of bodily fluids they'd been swapping over the last two days, a little spit was nothing.

"Did you bring water?" she asked.

"I did," Solo said, producing it with a flourish. " _And_ I remembered the forks!" he added pointedly producing those from the box as well.

He shifted to sit facing her while she drank from the water flask, crossing his legs in imitation of her, the food between them. She passed him the flask and he took a deep draught before resealing the flask and resting it on the bed. He covered his crotch with the bed-sheet and Leia suspected he had done it more to protect his delicate body parts from the possibility of falling hot food rather than out of a sense of decency.

Solo tore the cover off her meal and did the same with his own. The aroma of scrambled eggs and cured meat filled the small cabin and Leia's stomach rumbled again. Audibly this time. Solo grinned at her and handed her a fork.

"Hungry, Princess?"

"Must be all the exercise," Leia said dryly and scooped a forkful into her mouth.

Solo grinned. "Exercise is good," he said sagely.

"Can't remember ever enjoying it this much, though." She grinned through her mouthful at him and Solo chuckled.

He swallowed, clearing his mouth, and then said, "I gotta admit...you surprised me this morning."

"It was a spur of the moment thing," Leia admitted. She met his eyes, found herself blushing and looked away again. "Seemed like a good idea at the time..."

"It was amazing," he said in a low voice. " _You_ were amazing."

Leia smiled shyly, feeling a flush of delight that she had pleased him so. "You liked it?"

" _Liked_ it?" Solo leaned towards her and said firmly, "You're a goddess."

Leia blushed, smiling as she busied herself with her meal. There was a comfortable silence between them as they ate, each watching the other. Thinking about the last twenty hours, and the careful, caring way Solo had initiated her into the ways of lovers, Leia found herself wondering whether his instruction had been similar.

Curious, she asked, "Tell me about your first time?"

Solo considered her request for a moment, and then answered, "It's not what you think; there was no love involved."

Leia wasn't surprised. "Tell me?"

Solo shrugged. "I was fifteen. It was over in thirty seconds." He managed to look embarrassed and smiled awkwardly then busied himself with his meal.

Leia took a swig from the water flask and concentrated on her own meal, feeling a flush of anger towards the father who had abandoned his son to the Coronet streets. No wonder Han had spent so many years hating him.

"Was she older or younger?" she asked.

"Everyone's old on the streets," was the dark reply.

Leia regarded him steadily but he did not meet her gaze. She took another mouthful of her eggs then looked up at him as he said quietly, "Don't even know what her name was."

He took a swig from the alcoholic flask then added dryly, "Gave me my first trip to the clinic, though."

Leia frowned. "Clinic?"

"STD clinic."

Leia had to put her fork down she was so disturbed. The realisation that Han's first experience had resulted in him catching a _disease_...the girl must have been a whore. But then, she reminded herself grimly, most street children were. She found herself suddenly reconsidering the picture she had built of Han's youth. Had he had to sell himself that way?

Leia took a fortifying swallow from the alcoholic flask, looked at him and forced herself to smile. "Should I be worried?" she asked, deliberately trying to lighten the mood.

Solo snorted, taking her comment in the spirit in which it was meant, and said, "Only one thing they couldn't cure."

"What was that?" she asked carefully.

He leaned towards her and rumbled seductively, "Terminal lust."

"Oh," she said, wallowing in his eyes. "Contagious?"

"Very," he assured her.

"So there's a good chance I have it?"

"'fraid so."

Leia found herself imagining all sorts of sexual acrobatics with him and couldn't help smiling.

"What?" Han wanted to know.

Leia summoned her gumption and asked, "So, where's the strangest place you've ever done it?"

Solo paused with his fork halfway to his mouth and grinned. "Why?"

"Just wondering."

Solo's fork finished its journey to his mouth and he considered her question while chewing. "Dunno," he said finally. "Can't think of any." He grinned sheepishly and suggested, "Maybe you should ask Chewie; the weirdest ones are probably the ones I was too drunk to remember."

Leia smiled tolerantly and asked, "Have you ever done it in zero-G?"

Solo regarded her with open-mouthed delight. "I've created a monster."

Leia raised an eyebrow and regarded him arrogantly. "Created?" She shook her head. "No." Then smirked. "Unleashed? Maybe... Or maybe it's that STD you gave me..." She switched back to her original topic. "Have you?"

"No," he admitted. "That's one I never quite managed."

"Let's!" Leia encouraged enthusiastically. She was excited, not just by the prospect of doing it in zero-gravity, but of doing something sexual with Han that would be as much a first for him as it would be for her.

"Bit hard to manage that without Chewie knowing."

"Chewie already knows," she reasoned, then added, "I've always wanted to try it in zero-G."

This time it was Solo's eyebrow that shot up. "Really?"

Leia noticed movement under the bedclothes across his lap and grinned. "Longtime fantasy," she crooned seductively.

She took a swig from the alcoholic flask, watching Solo's face and sensing he was hastily searching for a way to fulfill her desire.

"Turret guns have autonomous G," he said, "but there's not a lot of room."

"Who says we need a lot of room?"

One side of his mouth slid into a smile. "I could warn Chewie."

"And turn Threepio off."

"And turn Threepio off," he agreed.

Leia took another swig from the flask, enjoying the pleasant taste across her tongue and the warm trail it made to her stomach. "When?"

Solo tossed his fork and empty meal container into the box beside the bed and removed the bedclothes from his lap. His manhood looked _more_ than eager.

"Finish your eggs; we're going now."

A thrill of excitement shot through Leia and she bolted down the last of her meal while Solo got off the bed and rummaged in a compartment in the bulkhead under the bed. Finding what he was looking for, he waved the small packet triumphantly at her and opened the hatch.

"What is it?" she asked, but he'd already stepped out of the cabin. Leia hastily wrapped the top sheet around herself and followed him into the corridor.

They hurried to the turret well and Solo shooed her up the ladder to the upper guns, fondling her buttocks as he followed her up. Leia squeezed herself to one side of the chair while Solo sat in it and furiously reprogrammed the instrumentation before him.

There was a blip from the internal comlink and Solo held the headset against his ear. Chewie wanting to know what they were up to, Leia guessed.

"Yeah, it's me," Solo replied to the muffled growls she could hear. "Never mind, just leave us alone. Oh, and turn off Threepio, would you?"

Chewie's reply sounded terse, Leia thought, and Solo's expression darkened.

"Fine," he snapped. "But if he so much as shows his head in the gunwell I'll space him!"

Chewbacca barked a response and Solo scowled irritably.

"Get over it," he snapped and switched off the comm. He secured the headset to the side of the chair then turned to Leia and she smiled softly, still holding the sheet closed around her body.

"Not impressed?" she asked.

"Jealous," he said succinctly.

Leia chuckled. "I had no idea Chewie felt that way," she teased.

Solo smiled and the lights dimmed as he shut the turret down. "He's been stuck with Threepio's company for the last two days and he's pissed."

Leia nodded. "Understandable." She felt the gravity lessen, the sensation of blood rushing to her head, and closed her eyes until her body had acclimatised. Tightened her hold on the chair as her body started to lift. Weightlessness was a sensation Leia honestly enjoyed, and she had not been exaggerating when she'd described it as one of her fantasies.

She opened her eyes and found Solo watching her, his eyes dark with desire for her. He had locked down the instrumentation board, disconnecting the frame that held it to the chair and securing them both to the bulkhead. He then adjusted the chair to its maximum distance from the canopy, giving them as much space as possible and effectively blocking the view into the turret from the ladder.

Leia looked at him lying in the chair, weightlessness lifting him slightly and released her hold on it as well, smiling self-consciously and suppressing a shiver as she cast aside the sheet. It drifted between them and Solo pulled it from the air and shoved it behind the seat where it fell through the line of autonomous gravity and into the ladder space. There, the ship's gravity grabbed it and dropped it into the opposite turret.

Solo took her hands and drew her down to him, running his hands up her arms and into her hair, which swirled around them like a shadowy cloud.

Leia closed her eyes, focusing on the exquisite information being transmitted to her from her skin. Without the usual clutter of tactile sensations against her body to distract her, the feel of his body brushing against hers, his warmth, was intense.

"Han," she whispered. She found he had drifted far enough off the seat for her to be able to stroke his back, and she traced the shifting pattern of muscles down his spine then up his flank. He twisted, wrapping her body around his and setting them into a slow spin.

The turret was dark but for a few lights on the panel and the glow from the ladder cast ghostly reflections of them onto the transparisteel canopy. Leia could dimly see stars through the reflections and it promoted the illusion of being outside. Of floating in space.

"So, Princess," he asked sultrily. "What now?"

"I don't know." She smiled, tracing the shifting shadows on his face with her finger. "What do you suggest?"

"This is _your_ fantasy, Sweetheart. Tell me what you want me to do."

Leia felt an intense rush of desire and, despite the accompanying embarrassment, whispered, "Touch me?"

Solo ran a feather-light caress up her body and Leia closed her eyes. It was just as she imagined it might be: no feeling squashed, no hair getting caught under an elbow, and complete freedom of movement, while Solo's fingertips ignited the nerve endings in her skin. But not just his fingers. His hands, his lips, his tongue, all combined to leave her writhing under his touch.

She stretched her arms out over her head, baring the sensitive undersides to him, and shuddered helplessly as he dragged his nails down them in an exquisite torture.

Her hands bumped against the canopy, and she flinched, opening her eyes and breaking the mood. Smiling, Solo turned so she was underneath him and Leia suddenly found herself very aware of how tiny the space they were in was. _Maybe we should've tried this in the aft hold_ , she thought. But then they'd have had to shut off the gravity in the entire ship and, knowing their luck and the unpredictability of the _Falcon_ , they'd probably not have been able to get it going again.

She returned his smile, watched his attention shift to her breasts, looked at them herself and laughed out loud. Her breasts were floating. Without gravity to press them against her chest, they had lifted, appearing to almost double in size and Solo was entranced. He shunted her upward a fraction, placing her breasts level with his face, and proceeded to nuzzle and knead them covetously.

"You have the softest breasts I have ever felt," he growled.

"Really?" she asked.

Leia was surprised by his claim, but breast augmentation was so common she realised she probably shouldn't be. Most of the women who'd frequented the Alderaanian Court had had some sort of enhancement done. On Coruscant it was almost a prerequisite. Could it be that, despite his extensive experience, Han had never slept with a woman whose breasts had _not_ been enhanced? Breast augmentation was not something Leia had ever considered for herself despite its easy availability. She had spent the latter part of her teen years trying to downplay her breasts, not accentuate them. Princess Leia had wanted men to look at her face, not her chest. To listen to what she was saying.

Leia smiled mentally and wondered if that meant she was more egotistical than the women augmenting their breasts? Maybe.

Solo nodded, softly mouthing her nipples and Leia felt a moment of smugness at chalking up another first. She dismissed it immediately. She wasn't here to compete with Solo's past lovers.

He nuzzled the lower edge of one breast, his cheek brushing her nipple and Leia gasped. Solo paused, concerned, but didn't stop entirely.

"What?" he asked.

"Your beard," Leia explained.

"Too scratchy?"

Leia shook her head. "I like it," she said, then smiled at him as he grinned at her. "Across my nipples..."

Delighted, Solo rubbed his jaw lightly across her nipples and Leia giggled. Solo wrapped one arm around her hips so she couldn't escape and spent a few moments teasing her nipples with his beard. "Tell me everything you like," he said huskily, and circled a nipple with his tongue.

"Everything?" Leia murmured, closing her eyes as he gave in to desire and suckled her.

"Everything," he insisted, sliding the hand he didn't have around her hips down the outside of her thigh and up the inside. "Where you want be touched," he whispered seductively into her ear. "How you want to be touched." Leia opened her legs as he delved between them. "I wanna know all your secrets, Princess."

"I..." she stammered, her concentration broken by the stimulation he was providing between her legs. "I don't know..."

"Is this good?" he asked.

"Oh, yes..."

"And this?" He took his mouth to her nipples again and Leia filled her lungs, expanding her chest to give him more room to explore.

"Yes."

"Which is better?"

Leia answered, "Both," without hesitating, and Solo chuckled. He shifted her and Leia found her head pointing down towards the chair. It was disconcerting so she closed her eyes once more. Closed her mind to everything except what she could feel. His hands and mouth moving over her body.

His mouth worked its way up her inner thigh and Leia groaned with anticipation. Then she felt Han's tongue between her legs and, with a sharp intake of breath, shivered ecstatically.

"This is amazing," she told Solo after a while, running her hands dreamily through her hair. "I can't feel anything but your hands and your tongue..."

...

Solo lifted his eyes from the task at hand and looked along the body of the girl falling at right angles from him. He sensed she was close to climaxing and intensified his ministrations, effectively rendering her speechless. _All those times I wanted to shut her up_ , he thought with wry amusement. _And all I had to do was this._ He slid two fingers inside her and she whimpered, shuddered as he slid them in and out. Then he found the spot on her inner wall and felt her tense. Felt her pelvic muscles clamp down around his fingers and his manhood throb in response, aching to be similarly gripped. The thought of sliding into and being surrounded by her silken warmth was almost irresistible.

Leia threw her arms out suddenly, looking for something to hang on to, and Solo held her hips tightly.

"I've got you," he mumbled against her, and worked his tongue even harder. One of her hands flailed nearby and he wanted to grab it, to help her anchor herself. But he couldn't let go of her hips and there was no way he was going to stop what his right hand was doing. He eased the pressure of his tongue without stopping and felt her hand lock onto his head. Felt her fingers clench and unclench in unconscious imitation of her abdominal muscles. Heard her start panting.

 _Fall_ , he willed her. _Let go, sweetheart_. He increased the pressure from his tongue abruptly and Leia gasped. Keening, she fell, and Solo felt her spasm around his fingers. _Yes!_ he thought with satisfaction and once again eased the pressure without stopping, bringing her down gently.

They heard music coming from the hold suddenly and Leia lifted her head to look quizzically at Solo.

He had a foolish look on his face as he said, "Chewie."

He watched as understanding struck her suddenly and her expression became one of horror.

"You don't suppose he _heard_?"

Solo started to smile and Leia groaned and covered her face with her hands. Unabashed, he pulled her pelvis down to his and pushed into her, shuddering with sheer bliss as her tight warmth enveloped him.

"Gods, you feel good!" he groaned, suddenly unable to move lest he lose it before they'd even started.

"You too," she agreed, wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling herself up to face him. She kissed along his jaw to nibble on his earlobe.

" _Too_ good," Solo added. He was paralysed by the threat of his impending orgasm, and Leia's caresses weren't helping. She wriggled in his lap, blatantly wanting him to start moving inside her. Solo spent a frantic moment trying to focus his brain on hyperspace logarithms and was relieved to feel the impending eruption subside. The moment of clear-headedness helped him remember the small packet he had brought with them to the turret and jammed into the side of the chair. Tumbling them over, he reached down and retrieved it.

"What's that for?" Leia wanted to know.

Solo grinned at her and tore the packet open. "Ever spill a drink in zero-G, sweetheart?" He pulled the condom out of the packet and withdrew from her long enough to slide the sheath over his erection. When he looked back at her she was grinning.

"Oh," she said.

" _Oh_ is right," he said and slid back inside her.

"Ohhhh," Leia sighed blissfully and closed her eyes. Buried her face against his neck.

"Imagine trying to catch it all," he growled seductively against her ear and she snickered. "Getting it out of all the nooks and crannies," he added, running his tongue through the inner curls of her ear. "Getting hit in the eye-"

"You're disgusting!" Leia chided him, laughing despite her words.

"Sex is disgusting," he responded sagely, then grinned and added, "But _so_ much fun."

"Mmm!" she agreed then tightened her grip on his shoulders as he started thrusting slowly. "Feels...so... _good_ ," she purred.

" _Good_ ," Solo agreed passionately. "Every part of you." He shifted his hands from her hips to fondle her breasts momentarily, but quickly moved them back as the lack of traction foiled his thrusting. " _Feel_ good," he said, gripping her hips and thrusting faster. " _Smell_ good, _taste_ good." He kissed her hungrily, thrilled as her tongue moved slickly against his own. "Can't believe how much I want you," he groaned. "I'm _in_ you and I want you, can't get enough of you. Can't get close enough."

Leia whimpered and clutched him hard. Opened her mouth in a soundless scream then pressed her teeth against his shoulder in a bite that was primal yet controlled.

"Coming?" he asked softly, feeling the point of no return swiftly approaching in himself.

Leia nodded and begged, "Faster."

Solo was loathe to comply; knowing that would finish him, yet he did. Thrust himself into her hard and fast. Her response was instantaneous and was swiftly followed by his own.

They clung desperately to each other as they spiralled down from their orgasmic high. Breathing heavily, muscles twitching and shuddering as they sought to regain control.

Solo glanced at the fading impression of her teeth on his shoulder then looked at her face. She felt his scrutiny and smiled languorously at him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he responded. "Good?" he asked. Leia nodded and tightened her embrace. Solo smirked and said, "You bit me."

Unrepentant, Leia traced the mark on his shoulder with her finger then leaned over and kissed it. Her movement started him sliding out of her and, remembering the condom, Solo swore as he hastily caught it before it could slide off and create exactly the sort of mess he'd been trying to prevent.

Leia pushed away from him a little, resting a hand on the bulkhead to stop herself from bumping into it, and smiled as she watched him secure the contents inside the thin sheath. He tucked it safely between the cushions of the seat and smiled at her. Leia gleefully launched herself at him and he caught her, laughing joyously as they tumbled together into the opposite bulkhead and bounced off.

Solo put out a hand to stop them before they hit the transparisteel canopy and stilled their momentum, hung with her in the starlight. He cupped her face with both hands, caressed her cheeks with his thumbs, while their eyes communicated the depth of feeling they had for each other. Then he kissed her. Softly, sweetly, savouring the gentleness and pleasant afterglow of the moment.


	9. Chapter 9

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day22

Over the next ten days work on the _Falcon_ continued, but much of it was done without the supervision of its captain. For Han and Leia, the unscheduled break from the Rebellion, the intense time together, had become precious, as though both sensed their time was short.

Chewbacca, who had been very tolerant about the intermittent help from his partner, was actually very pleased with the development in their relationship. In his mind it was the first normal, _healthy_ step either of them had taken in far too long. So he stayed out of their way as much as possible and, where appropriate, grumbled and teased.

He was impressed at the rate Leia was learning his language and wasn't quite sure who was more delighted with her sudden comprehension, himself or the princess. It was almost with chagrin that Chewbacca curbed the more colourful phrases in his vocabulary, yet he could tell that Solo, even as he was translating said colourful phrases, was proud of her.

Personally, he was proud of both of them. The loss of Alderaan and the trauma of dealing with war everyday, of sending soldiers out to die, had emotionally crippled the princess. And the loss of his mother and abandonment by his father at the age of fourteen, not to mention his humiliation and court martial from the Empire, had left the Corellian similarly crippled. Unable to let anyone close for fear of further rejection or abandonment. Undeterred by the Corellian's constant refusal to accept his life debt, Chewbacca had worked his way in by sheer, unrelenting determination. Somehow Leia had got in by doing just the opposite; yet Chewbacca suspected there had been an attraction between them from the start. Nevertheless, the fact that they had found surcease in each other's arms was nothing short of astonishing.

A shriek of laughter forced its way through the closed hatch of Solo's cabin and a flicker of irritation swept across the Wookiee's face as he glanced in their direction. Yes, he was pleased for them, but this constant mating was getting a little tiresome. Sighing, he thought about his own mate, Mallatobuck, and decided that if all went well with Jabba, he would insist on visiting her afterwards. It had been almost a standard year since his last visit and he felt sure his son had probably grown a good half a meter in that time.

There was more laughter from the cabin and Chewbacca moved over to the tape player and turned up the volume.

...

Inside the cabin, Han and Leia grinned at each other as they heard the music volume rise. They had been playing for some time now; teasing one another relentlessly, and the Wookiee turning up the volume was like a cue for things to move to the next level.

Leaning over her, Solo whispered into her ear, "Bend over, Sweetheart, we're gonna do this Bothan-style."

Leia's eyes widened momentarily, then she grinned and got onto the bed on her hands and knees. She heard Solo step up behind her, felt him take hold of her hips, then gasped as he plunged into her and pleasure exploded inside her.

Lying on the bed, recuperating, Leia said, "Who'd've thought Bothans could do anything right?"

Solo laughed appreciatively. "That good, huh?"

Leia looked at him and said in a low and serious voice, "It was fucking fantastic."

Solo laughed again then caressed her face as he said, "I'm a bad influence. Taken your purity and given you a foul mouth."

"Not guilty," she assured him. "I knew the words; I just chose not to use them."

"Like I said: bad influence."

"As for taking my _purity_...I remember that being given. Freely. Willingly." Leia grinned and added one more. "Eagerly." She ran her finger across his generous lower lip and teased, "Maybe I'd better stop wearing white."

Solo looked melodramatically shocked. "That'd be a dead giveaway!" he said.

Leia laughed. "And you moving into my cabin won't be?"

"Moving in? Who said anything about moving in?"

Leia immediately recognised the arrogance of her assumption and hastily tried to take back her words.

"Nobody. It was just – I assumed – "

Solo propped his head up on one forearm and gave her a cocky smile. "You want me to move in?"

But Leia was doing a mental panic. _Of all the ridiculous things to say to him_ , she berated herself. _Why don't I just suggest marriage and scare him off good and proper?_ And how could she forget Jabba?

"I'm sorry," she said, sitting up and getting out of the bed. "I forgot you were leaving." She couldn't look at him, afraid of the resignation she would see in his eyes. But if she had looked, she would have seen confusion.

Solo sat up. "Leia?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated as she threw on a shirt and hurriedly left the cabin.

"Leia!" she heard him call out after her.

She hurried through the main hold, feeling Chewie's unabashed scrutiny as she passed, and took refuge in the cockpit. Leia wondered whether Solo would follow her and wasn't sure if she wanted him to or not. She was feeling very emotional all of a sudden, and didn't want to start crying in front of him. But the thought of him _leaving_...

Sitting in Chewbacca's large chair, Leia stared at the steadily approaching gas giant, mentally berated herself and hugged her knees to her chest.

...

In the main hold, Chewbacca considered the princess' flight towards the cockpit and came to the vaguely amused conclusion that she and Han had had a fight. He had no doubts that they would make up, probably in the most tiresomely passionate way possible. But the thought that they could still manage to disagree delighted him for some reason. It bespoke of a healthy relationship.

Solo entered the hold wearing just his trousers and asked, "Where'd she go?"

Chewbacca indicated the cockpit with his head then asked, [You fighting again?] Solo shot him a dagger look and he grinned. [This mean the honeymoon's over?]

Scowling, Solo headed for the cockpit.

Chewbacca chuckled to himself then yelled at the Corellian as an afterthought, ['Cause there's still a lot of work to be done here!]

...

Leia looked up as Solo entered the cockpit. His expression was one of deep concern.

"Hey," he said, a thousand unspoken questions in the word.

"Hey," she returned. She tried to give him a reassuring smile but feared it had turned out a little wan.

Solo slid into the pilot's seat and faced her. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," she replied automatically.

That earned her a wry look from Solo and he said sarcastically, "You left 'cause you weren't upset?"

"I left because I made a fool of myself," Leia admitted. "I should never have assumed you'd want to share my cabin."

"Well, it's customary to discuss it first."

"I know, I know." Leia ran a hand through her hair. "Forget I said it."

"Can't," he told her, and Leia couldn't help feeling as though her one moment of carelessness had done their relationship irreparable damage.

"I think I kind of assumed it myself," he continued. "I just hadn't thought about it." He smiled at her. "Maybe I assumed you'd move in with me?"

"On the _Falcon_?" Leia smiled. "A tempting offer, but I'm pretty sure I can get a bigger bed."

Solo looked away and muttered, "'Til they find out who you wanna share it with."

Leia frowned. Did he mean what she thought he meant? That the Rebellion hierarchy would go out of their way to thwart her relationship with Solo?

Solo sensed her disquiet and, seeking to cheer her a little, said, "I could have a bigger bed put in. Have the bunkroom remodelled." He grinned. "At Alliance expense of course."

Leia smiled. "And where do I sleep while you're off freighting?"

"You'll come with me," Solo said. He sounded surprised that she could have thought otherwise.

Leia struggled not to laugh as she said, "Princess Leia, the freighter bum?" And for the second time in half an hour wished she'd never opened her mouth.

Solo's expression was stony as he nodded and said, "You're right."

"Han, I didn't mean – "

"You're right," he assured her. "It's not gonna happen." Leia opened her mouth to disagree but he cut her off. "They're never gonna let you go, and they've got you too well trained to ever _want_ to leave."

Leia regarded him with confused shock. " _Leave_?"

"I don't mean leave the Rebellion," he said irritably. "I mean..." He paused for a moment as he searched for the right words to express just what he did mean, then finished lamely, "Leave the leadership." He only missed a beat before he hastily added, "But you can't. It's your life."

"That doesn't mean we can't – "

"Think about it, Leia. How well do you think this'll be received?"

Haughtily Leia opined, "It's not really any of their business."

"It is when it affects the leadership. They've been trying to stop this from happening for years." Leia regarded him with shock and he added, "You have no idea how often I've been warned off you."

Leia opened her mouth to voice her opinion of that claim when she remembered being taken aside at different times by both Mon Mothma and General Dodonna. Each had gone to great pains to delicately point out Solo's unsuitability as a suitor for her. She had been highly affronted each time, claiming to have no regard for Solo in that way. But it seemed that, like the rest of the base, the hierarchy had been able to see what she had refused to acknowledge. That she was in love with the lowborn Corellian.

Solo read the revelation in her face and said quietly, "You too, huh?" He shifted uncomfortably then looked at her sadly. "A princess and a guy like me..." He aimlessly adjusted a reading on the control panel and muttered, "Right."

Without a word, Leia got out of her seat and moved across to him. She swung one leg over his knees and sat straddling him; rested her hands on his bare chest.

" I'm sorry about my royal background," she said. "But I can't change that accident of birth any more than you can change yours. The fact is I love you. And I don't give a damn what _any_ of them think." She caressed his face tenderly, leaned in and kissed him softly, then rested her forehead against his and whispered, "And I'm terrified that you won't come back from Jabba." Solo smiled wanly and she sensed in him an inability to lie to her, to promise he'd return. Leia didn't mention her real fear that, after being exposed to the familiarity of his old lifestyle, he wouldn't _want_ to come back to her.

She could feel the oppressive presence of the gas giant looming behind her despite its distance, representing the end of her happiness, and voiced her fairy-tale desire. "I wish we never had to go back. Wish we could run away."

Solo smiled softly and caressed her face. "Funny, I was going to suggest the same thing, but thought you'd go ballistic."

Leia looked at him and was about to ask why, but it was self-evident why he would think that. She smiled and asked, "Run away?"

His smile turned awkward. "Hey, I've done it so many times now I'm a professional."

Fear lanced through Leia as she heard the unspoken threat behind his words. He could do it again. Had obviously been considering it. But hadn't suggested it to her because he knew she'd refuse. Did that mean he had decided to stay or go?

"Where would you go?" she asked.

"Depends whether you're with me or not," was the immediate reply.

Leia smiled indulgently. "Full fantasy," she purred. "We run away together."

"The Rim," he said.

"Corporate Sector?"

Solo shook his head and his mouth slid sideways into the smile that Leia had always found irresistible. "Nah, I'd be arrested," he admitted. "Kathol Sector would be good," he said. "It's not far from here, has a lot of Corellian trade, and it's a good healthy distance from Hutt space."

"You've really thought about this, haven't you?" she teased.

"Fantasized," Solo confessed. "You said you wanted the full fantasy."

"I did," she agreed, and then added, "I do."

"You wouldn't be a princess out there," he reminded her.

Leia got off his lap briefly then made herself comfortable on it again, sideways. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms comfortably around her.

"You have no idea how liberating that would be," she murmured. "To just be _me_..."

"We'd make one hell of a team," he encouraged.

"Yes, we would," she agreed.

"With your diplomatic skills, you'd be able to talk us out of anything."

Leia smiled. "And when those failed, there'd always be your blaster."

"Or Chewie," he reminded her and she chuckled. "We'd be legendary _,_ " he said.

Leia sighed and idly caressed his chest, curling the hairs around her fingers.

"What?" he asked, sensing her unspoken inner turmoil.

"...So tempting," she whispered.

"Yeah," he agreed.

Leia turned her head slightly to look at the distant speck of light that was Bespin. Why did she feel such a sense of foreboding about it? It was just another planet. And one on which there was too little natural product for the Empire to take an interest in. They would land, hopefully get help from Han's friend in fixing the ship, and be away. Two days, maximum, and back with the Rebellion a day or two after that.

And then what? Han was right about the Alliance hierarchy; most of them would not approve of her involvement with the Corellian captain and Leia couldn't help wondering how that would affect their relationship. She realised it would make her diplomatic work very difficult as at least half of the Alliance members hated smugglers, while the other half only tolerated them because of their usefulness in the war effort. In their eyes her judgment would be in question, and they would therefore be less likely to consider any of her proposals or ideas.

But was that worth giving up her one chance at happiness for? None of them really cared about her, except as a martyr to forward their cause. And Han _did_ make her happy. Despite their constant bickering over the last three years, he had always managed to know how far he could push her. Had always been able to make her laugh despite herself. And the thought of what she might become without him scared her – hard, cold, jaded, married off for political reasons. It seemed ironic that her unrelenting fight for galactic freedom could very well force her to relinquish her personal freedom.

Leia tightened her hold on him and decided that the Alliance would have to accept her relationship with Solo or accept her departure from the official Rebellion. Unable to give up the fight entirely, she would carry on her own personal war against the Empire with the guerrilla-style tactics she had learnt so well. But to the rest of the Galaxy she would be just another freighter bum.

It was an image that was becoming more seductive each time she considered it. No more forced airs, no more holding her tongue when face to face with idiots. The level of freedom astounded her and for the first time she truly understood why Han had never joined the Rebellion.

Leia made the decision then that, despite Solo's protests, she would accompany him to Tatooine. Would in fact increase their odds of survival by bringing Luke along. Assuming Luke was alive of course. He was no Jedi but, despite Solo's lack of faith, Luke definitely possessed some power.

Mind made up and feeling a little better because of it, Leia kissed his cheek and said quietly, "It's my turn to cook dinner."

"Well then!" Solo said with mock gravity. "Get thee to the kitchen, woman!" He pushed her off his lap to press home his point and patted her bottom condescendingly.

Leia shot him a dark look, and then snickered at the expression on his face as he realised she had no pants on and proceeded to grope her. She backed out of reach, grinning. Held up a warning finger and said, "Later."

"I could help," Solo suggested hopefully and Leia laughed. They had attempted cooking together two nights ago, and things had rapidly degenerated to a point where dinner had been abandoned. When they'd finally emerged from their cabin an hour and a half later to continue making the meal, they'd found a very disgruntled Wookiee cooking for himself.

"I don't think Chewie would appreciate it," she reminded him. Unable to resist his intimate smile, she moved back to his side and gave him a lingering kiss on the lips.

As they parted, Solo said, "Did I ever tell you what a turn on it is to see you wearing my clothes?"

Leia smirked, straightened the shirt she was wearing, and sashayed out of the cockpit.

...

Solo opened his eyes to the sleep shift ambience from the glow panels in the bunkroom and wondered what had woken him. Leia was sound asleep beside him and he couldn't hear any sort of noise from outside the cabin that might have disturbed him. He took a deep breath and rolled onto his back, as much as the space in the bunk would allow, and contemplated getting up to relieve himself. Sleep was not reclaiming him, so he decided it would probably help him settle and worked his way out past the princess, trying to disturb her as little as possible.

"Shh," he assured her sleep-laden query. "Just going to the 'fresher."

He tucked the blankets around her and she settled once more as he opened the cabin door and stepped into the ring corridor. The light seemed bright after the soft lighting in the cabin and he squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust as he padded silently to the 'fresher, the cold of the deck plates against his feet waking him further.

He emptied his bladder and, while washing his hands, found himself staring at his reflection in the small mirror. The face in the mirror seemed foreign to him. Solo ran his hand thoughtfully across his jaw. His beard was over two weeks old now, a simple testimony to his own laziness, and, despite Leia liking it, he decided it was time for it to go. In his mind, it was adding to the unreality of their situation. That was new Han in the reflection, bearded Han, the one who could tell Leia he loved her. Solo needed to make certain that old Han could do the same.

Half an hour later, and clean-shaven, Solo got himself a drink then walked to the cockpit to reassure himself that all was well before taking himself back to bed.

Threepio greeted him politely, "Hello, Captain Solo."

"Hi Threepio. Everything all right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good," he said and retreated before the droid could engage him in conversation.

He opened the bunkroom hatch and was immediately aware of the strong smell of sex in the room. Solo grinned. Chewie was right; they reeked.

In his absence, Leia had stretched out to sprawl across the bunk, arms akimbo and her hair a tangled shadow across the pillows. He smiled fondly and sat beside her, studying her sleeping form. She had the look of a deeply relaxed woman and it occurred to him that no one else had ever seen Leia looking like this. No one. And Solo found himself feeling very privileged. Privileged and honoured that she trusted him so. And unworthy.

Solo found himself thinking about their earlier conversation. About her assumption that he would move in with her on their return. Did he want that kind of commitment?

It was the sort of threat that in the past would have had him racing for the opposite side of the galaxy. But with Leia...

He picked up a swath of her hair and leaned closer to hold it to his nose, enjoying the smell and the soft, cool feel of it against his lips.

The truth was, he couldn't imagine living without her. The threat of being without her was in fact far scarier than the supposed feeling of entrapment. And, he realised, the ludicrous part was he had already been committed to her for the best part of three years. All this time she had been trying to get him to commit to the Rebellion, and he had done so in everything but name. Because it was _her_ he was committed to, not her Rebellion.

He brushed his lips across her temple and whispered, "I love you, Leia." Pleased to find that old Han was as able to say the words as new Han.

There was a soft murmur of reply from the princess, and Solo smiled. He moved in beside her, gently shunting her over, and she rolled over to make room for him without waking.

He snaked an arm around her waist, spooning up behind her, and whispered once more, "Love you, Leia."

Day23

Leia woke to the delicious feeling of Han against her back and smiled, savouring the moment. This, she decided, was what she liked best. The waking up in his arms. It was in these quiet moments where, despite the unconsciousness of sleep, he still held her. How could she not feel cherished? This was where she felt safe, warm, and loved. His knees were behind her knees and an arm was around her waist. She could feel his breath across her cheek and in her hair.

She shifted fractionally, pressing herself even closer, and the arm around her waist tightened in response. She could feel his semi-erect manhood against her back and, knowing he was close to waking, sent up a silent prayer of thanks to the goddess who had blessed human males with morning erections. Solo had explained the phenomenon to her, and Leia had immediately come to the delighted conclusion that her benefactor could only be female.

Smiling, she sighed, enjoying his warmth and tried to quell her anticipation of what was to come. Soon enough he would be inside her, thrusting, pleasuring...no, not soon enough. Leia licked her lips and struggled to stop herself from waking him. She wanted him well rested, _needed_ him well rested, and wondered if it was perverse to want to do it all day.

Solo took a deep breath and Leia pressed her buttocks even harder against his groin, writhed against him. The hand around her waist slid up to encompass her breast and she tilted her head back, revelling in the feel of his lips on her ears and in her hair.

"Morning, beautiful," came the warm, sleep-laden rumble of his voice, rolling around inside her, making her tremble.

"Mmm," she concurred, and reached a hand back to caress his face.

She was shocked to find him clean-shaven and turned to look at him over her shoulder.

"Who are you and what'd you do with my nerfherder?" she demanded.

"Nerfherder sent me for the day," he said smugly, then nuzzled her temple. "Said you'd worn him out."

Leia smiled. "Really?" She rolled to face him. "Think you can go the distance?"

"Depends how far you wanna go."

He gazed intently into her eyes and, Leia felt, into her soul.

"All the way," she whispered.

Slowly, obviously savouring the moment as much as she was, Solo brought his lips down on hers and Leia decided that she wanted to spend all day in the cabin. All day in bed with Han. Could there be anything more perfect?

She caressed him as their kisses deepened, pressed her body to his and felt it tingle as his hands ranged across it. She felt wanton beneath his touch. Feral. Han had managed to wake desires in her that she hadn't even known existed, let alone realised dwelled within her.

She tensed as he moved down her body, shuddered ecstatically as he began loving her with his mouth.

Was there a more perfect way to wake up?

Han played her body like a fine instrument. Tuned it until it sang exquisitely under his touch. While she hung, helplessly captive to the music he composed. And, as the symphony reached its crescendo, he was there to gently guide her through the final phrases.

Leia regarded him wordlessly as he moved back up her body, echoes of the theme still rippling through her body. Felt the delicious _pop_ as he slid in past her pelvic floor muscle and moaned into his mouth as he started moving within her.

She could taste herself on his tongue, and thoughts of what he had just been doing with that tongue sent flares of the symphony arcing through her body once more. She wanted to tell him she loved him, but the words seemed so inadequate for what she was feeling. This was so much more than love. This was...

 _Love_. _Life_. _Forever_. The words seemed echo in her mind.

Leia opened her eyes and looked into Han's.

 _Leia._

Orgasm overtook her and she clung to him with her hands and with her mind. Feeling him helpless inside her body as well as her soul was too erotic for words. The first time had been vaguely frightening, which was understandable for two such strong and highly independent personalities. But this time Leia allowed herself to revel in it. Awash in his pleasure and feeling him wallow in hers.

He smiled at her as the sensation slowly faded, cherishing the moment.

"Whatever that is..." he murmured.

"...I never want it to stop," Leia finished, saying the words she had felt in his mind.

He rolled off her and onto his back, breathing heavily. "What a way to wake up," he said, closing his eyes. "Now I just wanna go back to sleep."

Leia smiled and rolled to face him, ran the backs of her fingers along his hairless jaw. "Then sleep," she said.

He opened his eyes to look at her. "Are you okay?" he asked and Leia smiled. It had become a habit for him to make sure she had climaxed.

"You _know_ I'm okay," she said.

Solo smiled and pulled her towards him to kiss her forehead. As she settled in beside him, Leia said, "I love you, Han."

"Love you too, Sweetheart," he murmured sleepily.

 _Can it get any better than this_? Leia wondered dreamily. What could be more wonderful than sleeping and making love all day? Leia honestly couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed or well rested.

...

He was above her and within her for the third time that day, thrusting harder and faster until speech was no longer possible. Leia held him tightly, sensing his climax and, in his post-orgasmic slump, kissed the top of his head, running her fingers through his hair and enjoying the feel of his exhausted weight on top of hers. _I love you, nerfherder_.

He rolled off her and stared at the overhead bulkhead while he caught his breath. Grinning, Leia moved to lean on his chest and ran her finger affectionately along the scar on his chin. Solo eyed her warily.

"You're feeling…energised," he said, unable to keep a small level of dread from his voice.

Leia grinned and nodded. It was something they had discovered together; a sexual high without orgasm left Leia hyperactive. .

"Ah – " he started but she _shhhed_ him.

"It's all right," she said. "I'm fine. Sleep if you want."

"But what about –?"

"I'm fine," she assured him and kissed his chin. "I'm fine."

Solo closed his eyes, lazily caressing her back as she kissed her way around his face then smiled and looked at her. "Sure you are," he said, not believing a word of it.

"Shh," she said. "Sleep." She grinned. "Sleep and then we can do it again."

Day30

"Do you remember your mother, Han?"

Solo paused, considering his answer. His immediate reaction was to close her out, but he squashed it. Leia wasn't gathering information to use against him; she was genuinely interested. She had spent the morning with Chewie and Threepio, much of the afternoon by herself in the gunwell looking through the telescope at Alderaan, and now sat beside him, handing him tools. Obviously the time spent gazing at Alderaan had left her feeling nostalgic, hence the question.

His reply was noncommittal. "A little."

"Do you remember what she looked like?"

Solo paused what he was doing to consider her question. "She was tall," he said. "And she had red hair."

"Red?"

He could hear her smile and teased, "You got something against red hair, princess?"

"Gizela's red?" Leia asked, summoning an image of their medic friend in his memory.

Solo smiled and tightened the electronic transfer relay he was working on. "Darker," he said. "Like yours, but redder."

"I got the impression your father loved her a lot," she observed.

Thinking about his father still got Solo's back up, despite the fact that they had parted on better terms following their last meeting. But the thought that the bastard had deigned to discuss his late wife with the Alderaanian princess when they'd met two years ago, yet still wouldn't talk to his sons about her...well, that was just fucking typical.

Solo nodded. "Yeah," he replied, then added bitterly, "Just not enough to save her."

"How did she die?"

Solo stilled. "She...she just didn't come home one day. I don't know what happened to her; Dad wouldn't tell us. She worked for CorSec, so I guess some punk got lucky or something...There was no body. Or if there was Dad wasn't going to let us see it. I got the impression there wasn't one."

"How old were you?"

Solo tried to ignore the pain that always accompanied those memories. "Twelve."

"I was five," she said quietly.

Solo pulled himself out from under the machinery and looked at her. He was aware that her mother, Bail Organa's first wife, had died when Leia was quite young.

"Do you remember her?" he asked.

"Not really. Most of what I remember is from holos I've seen of her since."

"How'd she die?"

"She was doing aide work on Naboo when the Empire annexed it. Father said she was mistaken for a dissident and executed."

"But you don't believe that?"

Leia looked at her hands. "I used to. But when I read up on that conflict...it just didn't ring true. I don't know. It's possible, I guess. But I find it hard to believe she wasn't recognised."

"I remember the night Mom didn't come home," Solo said quietly. "Bren cried all night."

Solo was aware of her intense gaze and studied silence. He could sense her intrigue at the mention of the brother who was four years his junior and had always been a taboo subject. Nor, it seemed, was she about to break the taboo. For fear, he suspected, of a dam in the flow of hitherto unavailable information. Solo met her gaze and managed a half smile.

"I don't think Dad ever got over it," he said.

"Was that why he moved to Coruscant?" she asked.

Solo took a deep breath and admitted, "Dad never had a choice about Coruscant."

"They threatened him?"

"They threatened _us_. Bren and me. That's why I couldn't go. They'd have killed us."

"Just like your mother," Leia said quietly.

Solo held her gaze and nodded. "I think so, yeah. I really thought Dad refused to see it. But now...I think he knew. And the day before we were supposed to leave I took off."

"Your Dad had Imperial connections," Leia pointed out. "He could have found you."

Solo nodded, hearing her unspoken _if he'd wanted to_. "Imperial connections" was an understatement when you were on the staff of the Emperor's personal geneticist. "I know," he said. "I also know he didn't try."

Any other woman might have regarded him with pity and lamented about how much that must have hurt him, but Leia instead quantum leaped to the next supposition. "You think he was protecting you?"

It was a suspicion typical of her character, and Solo couldn't help smiling. "I do now," he said. A distance of almost twenty years had enabled him to see his father's actions from a completely different point of view. "It was one less item of leverage they could use against him. But at the time..." Painful memories of his time on the streets of Coronet rushed back at him and he had to struggle to push them aside. "It was a little different," he muttered.

Leia nodded and he sensed empathy and understanding from her, but no pity, and for that he was grateful. He slipped back under the console and continued working.

"I always wanted a brother," he heard her say. "Never a sister, just a brother."

Solo couldn't help smiling and asked, "Older or younger?"

"Older. I've always seen you and Luke like brothers – "

"What?" Solo pulled his head out from under the console and regarded her with serious consternation. "You see me like a _brother_?"

Leia chuckled and poked his arm as she said, "Not you and _me_ , you and _Luke_!"

"Oh..." Relieved, Solo nodded, then smiled sheepishly. "Oh." He considered her appraisal of his relationship with Skywalker and had to admit she was probably right. He did care for the younger man like a brother. He briefly wondered if he saw in Luke the brother he'd lost, but squashed the thought.

"I've always been jealous, I think," she was saying and Solo was incredulous.

"Of me and Luke?" Leia nodded and Solo chuckled. "And Luke's always been jealous of me and you."

Leia smiled, vaguely abashed, and looked at her hands where they rested in her lap.

"Has he _ever_ made a move on you?" Solo asked, voicing a curiosity he'd had for a long time.

"No," Leia said, and shook her head. "Luke's not like that. Plus," she added, "I never gave him the opportunity."

Solo chuckled and wondered if she even remembered kissing the young man in the sickbay on Hoth. "What does that say about all the times _I_ made moves on you, Princess?"

"You made moves whether the opportunity was there or not!" Leia said, regarding him fondly.

"And you loved every minute of it," he assured her smugly.

"I did," she admitted. "I did. Well, maybe not _all_ of them...but most..."

They smiled knowingly at each other and, thinking about their past history and what it had led to on this trip, Solo's gaze started to smoulder.

Leia chuckled. "Keep looking at me like that and I'm going to insist we go back to bed," she chided.

For a moment, Solo was seriously tempted. Then he growled irritably, "Ah, Chewie'll kill me if I don't get this fixed." He lay down and slid under the console again.

"Tell me about Lando," Leia said, deliberately changing the subject.

"Nothing to tell."

"I'll ask Chewie," she threatened. " _He'll_ tell me."

Solo smiled. "You'll ask Chewie anyway." He sensed her frustration and added, "Probably already have."

There was no response from her and he grinned. Then found himself wondering exactly what Chewie _had_ told her.


	10. Chapter 10

**FORTY DAYS TO BESPIN**

 _by LeelaStarsky._

Day35

The gas giant that was Bespin had resolved from a speck of light in the distance into a distinguishable planet and, as he made the calculations for landfall, Solo realised he would be cutting their trip short by almost two days. And wasn't sure how to tell her.

There had been a subtle change in Leia's demeanour over the last week, almost as though she was withdrawing from him. Their imminent arrival at Bespin was haunting her, he could tell, and he suspected she would be anything but pleased about getting there sooner.

She was picking at her food a lot too. Leaving much of it uneaten. A sure sign she was worrying about something.

For Solo, Bespin was an inevitability. Much as he didn't want to go there, they didn't have a choice and, in his mind, it was therefore not worth worrying about. But, he realised with sudden insight, she wasn't just worrying about Bespin, she was doubtless worrying about Jabba as well.

Paying off the Hutt was far more than just a question of honour for Solo. If it had been only his honour at stake, Solo would have been more than happy to forego it. But, Leia's _life_ was at stake and he was not prepared to risk that for anything.

Thinking about Leia and all that had transpired between them, Solo found himself wondering just what her view on their relationship was. Did she see them as a couple in the romantic sense of the word? Did _he_? Couple was just one step away from husband and wife. Was that what he wanted? Would Leia? Just because she wanted him to move into her cabin didn't mean she expected him or even _wanted_ him to marry her.

 _Marriage_ , Solo thought and ran a hand through his hair. _The word should terrify me_. What did terrify him was that it _didn't_. In fact, the thought of spending the rest of his life with Leia, of waking up with her every morning, was...comforting. There was no other way of describing it.

Solo frowned and wondered if he was entirely sane. Was this really _him_ thinking like this? For a moment he wondered if he wasn't simply suffering some sort of post-coital insanity, a response to getting laid after not getting any for so long. He tried to remember the last time he'd been with a woman and was shocked to realise it was almost a year ago. The prostitute on Beren 5. And that had been a direct response to a fight he'd had with Leia.

That was when he'd finally realised that what he felt for the stubborn princess wasn't just a passing infatuation or lust. That he was actually falling in love with her. And it had infuriated him to be so emotionally trapped. Yet he hadn't had sex with anyone since.

Solo chuckled, laughing at himself. No wonder the rest of the base had been able to see it.

He sighed and shut down the navicomp screen then headed out of the cockpit to tell Chewbacca about the ETA change.

...

Sitting alone in the cockpit, staring at Bespin, Leia could just make out the swirling colours of the oxygen-rich atmosphere that made up the top layer of that world. Browns, pinks, deep gold, and large stretches of blue that bled into purples of every description. It was very beautiful – a veritable rainbow planet, and she could imagine that living on it, floating in the clouds as the mining colony they were en route to apparently did, could be quite inspiring. She wondered if the planet's primary product, Tibanna gas, affected the atmospheric colour somehow.

She wished Solo had more data on the colony. For someone who liked to prepare to the nth degree, it felt to Leia as though they were going in blind. Which, in effect, they were. And that left her verging on panic.

She forced herself not to think about it, which was difficult when it was hanging in space in front of her. Instead tried to think about the Rebellion.

The rendezvous point would be old by now. Gone. She would have to seek out contacts somewhere else to find the Rebel fleet. A time-consuming task in the least, and one she should probably start now. She eyed the navigation display terminal in front of her for a moment then sighed and activated it.

The blue glow reflected off her face as she studied the charts, enlarging the span of their current coordinates to encompass neighbouring systems. Looking at star charts always fascinated her; the galaxy was such a big place. Why the Emperor would want to control _all_ of it was beyond her.

Sullust was not too far away, and probably her best bet for contacting a Rebel agent. But it also had a strong Imperial presence, and the _Falcon_ was far too hot a property at the moment to go near a planet with Imperial leanings.

For a moment, Leia found herself thinking about the _Falcon_ and the number of scrapes it had got them out of. And knew without a doubt that it wouldn't be half the ship it currently was with a different captain or first mate.

 _Han_.

Her thoughts always came back to Han. The lovemaking, the passion of the last twenty-five days, had an almost unreal quality to it. Particularly when she was alone. Just thinking about Han brought out all the chemical responses in her body.

Forcing down the sexual desire those thoughts inspired, Leia concentrated on the star charts again, looking for somewhere with little or loose Imperial control.

She widened her range, and Hutt space leapt out at her. Nal Hutta – there were definitely Rebel operatives there. Or Tatooine.

Leia smiled. The perfect excuse to accompany Solo to Tatooine.

The hatch _whooshed_ open and she looked back to find the object of her thoughts and desires leaning against the hatchway. Shirtless. He smiled, moving towards her, and the hatch slid shut behind him.

"Whatcha doin', Sweetheart?"

"Pretending to fly the ship," she teased.

"Uh huh." Solo leaned over her shoulder and peered at the star charts she had displayed. "Where are you taking us?"

"To the stars," she whispered, tantalisingly kissing his throat and successfully distracting him. He was freshly showered and shaven, his throat and jaw deliciously smooth, and he smelled warm and clean. Leia stretched an arm out and switched off the navigation display terminal without taking her attention from Han.

"You smell good," she murmured, trailing kisses along his collarbone and running one hand up his thigh.

Solo smiled then regarded her fondly. "You trying to seduce me, Princess?"

"Mm hm," she mumbled into his neck and ran her hand between his legs. "Is it working?" She slid her hand inside the leg of the loose shorts he was wearing and caressed his erection.

"What d'you think?"

Leia grinned. "I think you'd better do us both a favour and make love to me right now."

"Here?" He sounded surprised.

"Have to erase the memory of all the other girls you've had in here somehow," she teased.

"Actually," Solo said, and sounded surprised himself, "I don't think I've ever had sex in here." Leia regarded him sceptically and he shrugged. "Not that I can remember, anyway..." Leia was struggling not to laugh and he asked defensively, "What?"

"A _virginal_ cockpit?" She chuckled wickedly. "Your image is shattered!"

"Does jerking off count?" he asked, half seriously, and Leia laughed.

"No!" she said. He guided her out of the seat and she asked bluntly, "Is that what you were doing the night you spent in here by yourself?"

Solo grinned. "Is that what you _imagined_ I was doing?"

"Absolutely," Leia admitted.

"Is that what _you_ were doing?" he teased. "Alone in my cabin..." he grinned. "Thinking about _me_."

Leia blushed but responded, "Is that what you imagined I was doing?"

"It crossed my mind," he said, pulling her hard against his body. "Once or twice..."

Leia snickered and tugged at his shorts. "Lock the door," she said.

Solo released her to turn and lock the hatch and, when he turned back to her, Leia was dropping her shirt, _his_ shirt, to the deck.

She was standing in the middle of the cockpit, _his_ cockpit, naked.

In the dim light, the dark hair hanging loose down her back and the hair between her legs seemed to meld with the sea of stars floating behind her. She was like a dream come to life, the Corellian goddess of the stars come to bless him in his very own ship. She took a step towards him and Solo found himself holding his breath, loathe to shatter the illusion. Her eyes were deep pools, the small lights reflected in them glimmering like distant suns.

"Goddess," he whispered, unthinkingly invoking Alderaan's deity in Leia's mind.

A frown skittered across her face but she chased it away with a smile, moved closer to him and circled his face delicately with one finger.

"Have I told you I love you today?" she asked softly.

"Not in words," he replied, smiling.

"I love you."

"Love you too," he said, still amazed to hear the words from his own lips. He drew her body against his. The top of Leia's head barely reached his shoulder and he smiled as she went up on the balls of her feet to kiss him, then bent a little to meet her halfway.

...

Sitting astride Han in the pilot's seat, basking in the post-orgasmic glow that was becoming so familiar to her, Leia relaxed onto his chest and rested her forehead against his neck.

It had been an energetic session. They had tried it in every position and place possible in the cockpit. On the console between the pilots' seats, on the seats behind, on the floor, but had finished, finally, with Han sitting in his own seat and Leia straddling him.

Nice. It had been _very_ nice.

But, for Leia, this was the most pleasant part. There was a level of selfishness in the quest for orgasm that just wasn't there afterwards, when they could relish the quiet union of their spirits and the peaceful ebb of passion.

Solo was caressing her lightly and she closed her eyes, enjoying it.

Her breasts were aching, a sure sign that her menstrual cycle was due, and part of her wished it would come and be done with it. But that would put a definite cramp in their lovemaking, and she did not want to stop that any sooner than she had to.

For a moment she wondered if she should warn Han that she was premenstrual again but dismissed it. He would realise soon enough and besides, they hadn't fought for nearly three weeks, why should they start now?

Thinking back to the person she'd been three weeks ago, Leia could barely recognise herself. She could never have imagined finding herself _here_ when Solo had dragged her onto the _Falcon_ on Hoth. Well, maybe imagined, but not for long. It was a desire she had vowed never to give in to. She winced at the memory of the hurt look on Han's face when she'd told him she did not want to get involved with him, and found herself holding him a little tighter in response, as though that would wipe the hurtful words away.

"What'ya thinking about, Princess?"

He had sensed her unease.

"I'm a different person," she said quietly.

Solo remained silent, waiting for her to explain

"When I think about the person I was when I boarded this ship on Hoth...I can barely recognise myself. I feel like a different person."

He seemed to consider for a while before responding, "I guess, in a way, we both are."

"Does that scare you?" Leia asked.

He was quiet for a long time. Leia was beginning to wonder if he'd thought her question was rhetorical when he finally said, "The whole thing terrifies me." He was running a hand through her hair.

Leia swallowed and voiced her greatest fear, "Do you wish it hadn't happened?"

The question seemed to catch him by surprise and he leaned away from her a little to look at her face. "Do you?" he asked.

Leia sat up, widening the gap between them and feeling vaguely cross that he hadn't answered her question. "No," she answered quietly.

He must have sensed his faux pas because he drew her back into his embrace and held her close.

"I never told anyone I loved them before," he said. "Never _loved_ anyone before." He brushed her forehead with his lips. "But I can't _not_ say it to you." His voice was low and the expression heartfelt as he said, "I love you, Leia. If the love of a Corellian scoundrel is worth anything to an Alderaanian princess..."

Leia squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that suddenly prickled behind them, and then forced herself to sit up and look him in the eye, letting him see the emotion in hers.

"It's worth more to me than anything, Han," she said, holding his face in both her hands. " _Anything_."

Day37

"No," Solo said carefully, trying not to get angry. "It's too dangerous."

They were in the cockpit again, but this time they were both fully dressed. He had just told her about the adjustment to their estimated time of arrival on Bespin and Leia had responded by telling him of her plan to look for a Rebel operative on Tatooine. Solo knew she was looking for a way to accompany him to Jabba and it infuriated him that she refused to see the danger involved. No, that wasn't true. Leia knew the danger. Particularly the danger he would be in. That was why she wanted to go with him.

"But I have to go there anyway – "

"No, you don't," he said sharply and held up his forefinger to emphasise the point. "You'd have a much better chance of making contact with someone on Sullust."

"We can't take the _Falcon_ into Sullust!" she protested, peeved that he would even consider it. "The ship would be impounded and we'd be in Imperial detention centres before we even completed our landing. Not to mention the fact that we'd endanger any operatives the Rebellion has there."

"Leia, I am _not_ taking you to Tatooine."

"But – "

Solo's patience broke and he snapped, "Why are you being so sith-headed about this?"

"Because I care!"

"I care, too!" Leia looked away, and Solo got the impression that she didn't believe him. Frustrated, he tried to reason with her. "I know what Jabba's capable of, Leia. I've _seen_ what he does with female slaves." Leia opened her mouth to interject but he cut her off, anger and frustration making him voice his greatest fear. "You want to be stripped naked and paraded around Jabba's court? Handed out as a sex payment to any scum who vaguely pleases Jabba? Because that's what'll happen!"

" _If_ we get caught."

"We'll be walking in the front door!" he exclaimed. Leia stared at the hands in her lap and Solo sighed loudly. He ran a hand through his hair, struggling to control his temper. "I don't want to fight with you, Leia. We haven't fought for nearly three weeks, and – "

"And then what happens?" she snapped suddenly. "You walk in the front door and then what? You give yourself up like some stupid sacrifice?"

"Jabba's a businessman," Solo reasoned. "I've got the money..."

"Yet you still think he's going to kill you!"

"Well, hopefully I'll be able to bargain."

"With what?" An evasive look flickered across Solo's face and realisation struck Leia. She regarded him sadly. "You're going to offer to work for him."

Solo regarded her tightly for a moment, and then looked away. "Maybe."

 _I've lost him_ , Leia thought. _He'll go back to his old way of life._

"He'll never let you go," she said quietly. "And if you try to leave he'll send the bounty hunters after you again..."

"I can only take this one day at a time, Leia. I _have_ to get the bounty hunters off my back. I won't have you at risk – "

"Han, I'm at war with the _Empire_. Every time I go on a mission I wonder if I'll live through it."

"That's your choice."

"Those weren't bounty hunter ships over Hoth, Han. It wasn't bounty hunters that chased us into the asteroid field. How many times have you put your life on the line for me? For the Rebellion?"

"That was different," he growled.

"No it wasn't. Can't I, just once, do the same for you?"

"No!" he replied irrationally and Leia rolled her eyes. He adjusted his voice to a conciliatory tone and promised, "I'll be back, Leia. Have I failed you yet?"

"No," she admitted. "Never."

"Then trust me," he begged her. "I'll be back."

Leia regarded him, feeling sadly resigned, and Solo reached out a hand to her. She hesitated for a moment, then gave him her hand and watched him twine his fingers with hers.

 _Everything I touch, everything I love dies_.

Night 37

Leia couldn't sleep. They had made love of course, but that hadn't helped, and now Solo was snoring beside her and she was stewing alone. All she could think about was their imminent separation. It consumed and depressed her. She had felt nauseated with worry all evening, couldn't even contemplate eating dinner, but Solo had sat there and forced her to eat. It was true she hadn't been eating as much as she usually did, but then she never could when she was worried. And Solo knew that. So why he'd had to pick on her this evening, she didn't know. Maybe he was making sure that she ate a decent meal before they got to Bespin, knowing she would probably eat very little while they were there.

Solo snuffled and rolled onto his other side, turning his back to her, and Leia couldn't help feeling bereft all of a sudden. She rolled over and spooned herself up behind him, slipping her arm around his waist, but it wasn't as satisfying as being cuddled by him. She realised that was a selfish outlook, but she couldn't help being selfish where he was concerned.

She stared at the back of his head, absorbing the different colours in his hair and the tousled way it rested on his pillow. She followed the hairline around his ear to where it tapered down his neck. Traced his spine with her eyes and tried to ignore the fine scar lines across his back, moved to the smooth expanse of his shoulder. Smooth except for the ugly scar left by the removal of his Imperial service tattoo. Ugly because the bastards had refused him bacta treatment after flaying it off him. Her heart ached at the thought of Han being branded like every other Imperial officer. Like an animal. Or slave. And she suspected that Han would have had the tattoo removed had they not insisted on doing it for him.

Leia gingerly touched the scar. Reverently. Her eyes dropped to the fine scars left by his flogging and welled up with tears. _So much pain...and for what?_ What was any of it for? What was Alderaan for? What was the Rebellion for?

Leia shut her eyes in attempt to stem the sudden flow of tears, but they squeezed out from under her lids and dripped onto her pillow.

Struggling to suppress her sobs, Leia held him tightly and wondered how she would ever let him go.

Day38

There was no lovemaking the next morning. Solo was out of bed early and on alert with Chewie in the cockpit. They were close enough to Bespin now to be of possible interest to the small amount of traffic it appeared to have, and the last thing they needed was to be attacked.

When he returned to the bunkroom to dress after his shower, Leia sat up and was struck by a wave of nausea from the night before. Cross with herself for being so damned emotional, she forced it down and headed for the 'fresher.

She had a piece of fruit for breakfast, hoping the sugar and simple food value would quell her upset stomach, then joined Solo and Chewie in the cockpit, surprised to find Threepio there as well.

Solo turned and smiled at her as she entered. "Hi, sweetheart."

Leia smiled. He was genuinely pleased to see her. _He_ at least wasn't moping around ruining their last few hours together.

"Anything interesting happening out there?" she asked.

"Nope," Solo assured her happily. "It's as boring as the Emperor's sex life out there."

Leia chuckled. "Good to hear." She wished he hadn't mentioned sex because now she couldn't get the image of him in that same chair, orgasming beneath her, out of her head. "How long before we get there?" she asked.

"About five hours," Solo estimated, then added with a smirk, "Long enough to hide all the good stuff and any incriminating evidence."

[Not long enough to get rid of the smell in that bunkroom,] Chewie muttered under his breath, and Leia blushed.

Solo grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her, then turned to face the console again.

The five hours went surprisingly quickly, and with it went Leia's sense of humour. Her mood had steadily worsened through out the day, putting Solo on edge and making it difficult for him to refrain from snapping back at her. He understood that her lack of tolerance was largely due to the fact that he had somehow managed to cut two days off their original ETA, thereby losing them precious time together, but it still didn't make her any easier to live with.

She was wearing her snowsuit and had rebraided her hair into the tight coronet of plaits that she had been wearing at the start of this trip. And it suddenly hit home to Solo that he hadn't seen her looking like that since Hoth. She looked like _Princess_ Leia again. Solo managed a wan smile, which she did not return as she followed him wordlessly to the cockpit for their final approach. Threepio and Chewie were already seated and they settled in beside them.

The _Falcon_ soared past several of Bespin's many moons and soon the gas giant all but filled the viewport. They watched the planet's terminator pass below them then Solo took them into the atmosphere on the night side of the planet. He followed the curve of the planet at high altitude, killing his ship's speed as they descended slowly. Nevertheless, the shields glowed. Their destination was a point just below the equator and, as they passed the opposite terminator to the one they'd entered over, daylight seemed to blossom all around them. The clouds were glowing pink and orange in a spectacular display.

Solo started trying to contact the city as they passed several mines floating in the clouds and suddenly two, twin-pod cloud cars drew along side. As one hovered beside the cockpit, they could all make out the helmeted human figures seated inside.

Abruptly the _Falcon_ bucked as one of the ships opened fire on it and Solo and Chewie both swore. Neither had expected this sort of greeting.

A demand crackled over the intercom and Solo replied sourly, "No, I don't have a landing permit. I'm trying to reach _Lando Calrissian_."

The pod cars fired on the _Falcon_ again and Solo barked angrily, "Woah! Wait a minute! Let me explain – " Solo couldn't believe they had survived their long sub-space journey to be picked off or refused landing by Lando.

"You will not deviate from your present course," crackled out at them from the intercom.

"Rather touchy, aren't they?" Threepio observed.

"I thought you said you knew this person?" Leia accused Solo tightly.

Chewbacca growled his opinion and Solo threw him an awkward glance. "Well, that was a long time ago. I'm sure he's forgotten about that..."

Solo couldn't see Leia's look of irritated disdain, but he could feel it. He wanted to tell her everything would be all right, but he wasn't sure of that himself. He certainly hadn't expected Lando's ships to open fire on them.

"Permission granted to land on Platform 327," the voice on the intercom told them, and Solo couldn't hide the tinge of relief in his voice as he replied sarcastically, " _Thank you_."

Chewie voiced his opinion and that only served to irritate Solo further. Defensively, he turned and told Leia, "There's nothing to worry about." The look on her face told him there was no way she was going to believe that claim and he turned back to concentrate on something he could do right – flying.

"We go way back, Lando and me," he muttered, uncertain whether he was trying to convince Leia or himself.

"Who's worried?" Leia said, sounding every bit as worried as he felt. And then Cloud City itself hove into view.

...

To be continued in "One Night on Bespin"...


End file.
